At the time, we were all in the closet...

You know the weather is bad when you find yourself shoved into a tiny hallway closet with your husband, next door neighbor and three large dogs.

But what is funny is when you realize that, had you been left to your own devices, you probably wouldn't have gone into the closet in the first place. You are only there because your neighbor came over (because she doesn't have a good interior closet or bathroom), and your mother called from Cedar Hill nearly in tears with worry and concern. Suddenly, all the whites and purples on the radar screen seem a little more terrifying than they did before, and, well...okay, I'll go sit in the closet and wait it out. Even if I feel like I am overreacting just a bit.

Of course, when all the rain, large hail and high winds suddenly - and without warning - stop, and the world around you becomes eerily quiet, you are secretly glad you are in said closet. Even if it a tad too warm in there, and you are pretty sure that one of the dogs just farted in your face. For about ninety seconds, no one - not even the dogs - breathes as we wait for something to happen.

Nothing does.

Then the rain and winds pick back up and we know the danger has passed. We all leave the closet breathing heavy sighs of relief. And you are almost immediately embarrassed to admit that, yes, I just rode out a storm in a tiny linen/shoe closet with five other souls for (luckily) no reason at all.

And that, my friends, is how I spent my Tuesday night.

My priorities must be out of whack...

Is there an epidemic of stinky plumbers out there?

Because "water bug" still means roach...

Monday afternoon, my coworker, intern and I went to lunch. It had rained earlier that morning, and my coworker opened the employee entrance door to see if we still needed an umbrella to make it to the car. I was standing directly behind her, and my intern behind me.

All of a sudden, what looked like a giant cockroach ran between my coworker’s feet and straight at me. I screamed and jumped out of the way, which lead to my intern to do the same. In the chaos, my coworker somehow got shoved out of the employee door and locked outside.

Meanwhile, my intern and I were inside trying to assess the hostage situation with the giant cockroach. It was a tense thirty seconds that involved several panicked shouts, screams and otherwise hysterical behavior in the darken doorway. All the while my coworker, who was still outside, was pounding on the door because she had dropped her keys, and couldn't get back in to save us.

Somehow, in the time it took calm down enough to demagnetize the exterior door and let my coworker back in, it was discovered that the cockroach wasn't a cockroach at all, but a tiny baby frog. The poor thing was traumatized by the giant humans freaking out all around it, and had gone into "stun mode". Luckily, this made it easier for us to catch it and relocate it back outside in the grass.

Anyway, I am telling you this in the hopes that it might explain why people don't think I am good in a crisis. In my defense, I don't think situations involving cockroaches or even potential cockroaches should count. Same goes for spiders and scorpions.

I'm just saying is all.

The end.

My dog may be broken, but Trevor's is an idiot...

Since the weather forecast was calling for severe thunderstorms today, I left Alley and Haskell inside the house with their doggie door off the kitchen open so they could come and go as they pleased. Haskell could probably care less about anything that doesn't involve his bed or sleeping, but Alley has squirrels to hunt and birds to annoy and random things to bark at. So, for her, I figured it was a win-win.

Cut to eleven o’clock this morning. It was dark-like-midnight outside, pouring down rain and hailing. My next door neighbor called to tell me that Alley was in the dog run crying. This meant that Alley had either forgotten that the doggie door was open, or that Haskell had figured out how to lock his sister out of the house.

I’ll let you decide which is more likely.

In other news, the saga of Gypsy's ear continues. She had the stitches and tube removed on May 6th, but (surprise, surprise) the incision site had developed an infection. So, for the next ten days, I got to administer antibiotics twice a day AND gently express this clear discharge out of her ear flap through the hole where the tube used to be. This is almost as fun and pleasant as it sounds.

Then, on May 15th, the hole closed up, so there was no longer an area to drain the fluid. At first, I wasn't very concerned. But twenty four hours later, Gypsy's ear had swollen back up like a water balloon, which translated into yet another trip to the vet. The doctor opted to lance her ear open so there would be a new hole for me to express. Oh, and yet another round of antibiotics.

A week later, though, and Woo’s ear is STILL draining. Not only that, but the tip of her ear is thickening and starting to curl. Somehow, I managed to play rugby for years and avoid cauliflower ear, but my dog isn’t so lucky. I know it is superficial and all, but it makes me so sad that one of her beautiful, soft ears is slowly deforming like a wrestlers.

The worst part is that if the draining does stop soon, we will most likely have to repeat the surgery. This, other than the obvious trauma to my dog and wear and tear on her poor, little, eight year old body, isn’t cheap. So, please keep your fingers crossed that the drainage will clear up soon.

Oh, and that Alley remembers how to use the doggie door. I hear more storms may be in the forecast for this afternoon.

Cardinals make me happy...

The CDC, Zombies and ;P

I am so glad that the CDC finally decided to follow my lead, and start encouraging people to come up with an emergency preparedness and response plan in the event of a zombie attack in the United States:

CLICK HERE FOR THE CDC'S WEBSITE IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME

Obviously, if the world ends on Saturday, zombies will be the least of our worries. But it is always better to be safe than sorry. You know, just in case.

And he probably STILL won't be able to find anything to watch...

For reasons I don't quite understand, Trevor signed up for Netflix yesterday. Because, obviously, every cable HD channel ever conceived of on U-verse, a DVR, movies on demand, a PlayStation III AND an Apple TV aren't enough. Heaven forbid the boy not have any viewing options.

He now has unlimited access to hundreds of zombie movies and something called "Howard the Duck", which I've never heard of but I'm fairly sure will give me nightmares. There also seems to be a significant number of horror flicks that Trevor can't wait to see, and absolutely NO mention of any wife-friendly film options (i.e. Pixar cartoons or anything starring Mr. T or talking dogs).

All of this suggests that I will be doing a whole lot more reading. Which, considering all the books I have in queue on my Kindle, is probably just as well.

Bother.

On backhanded compliments and whatnot...

I wore a dress to Sunday School yesterday. While it is true that I normally wear something resembling chinos and a sweater, I have been known to dress up on occasion. It is just that it is easier to work with kiddos while wearing pants - especially while sitting on the floor or in micro chairs built for six year olds.

But you would have thought I had had a full body make over the way one of the ladies carried on:

V: "You look so nice today!"

Me: "Thank you."

V: "I had no idea you owned any pretty dresses!"

Me: "Um, yeah, well...thanks."

And then I got home and discovered a piece of sour apple jolly rancher stuck to said dress and was immediately reminded why I normally stick with my normal, old, ugly clothes.

Sigh...at least I tried.