On water shortages, zombies and whatnot...

So, we all know that I worry about the inevitable zombie apocalypse, and spend sleepless nights trying to come up with a realistic action plan for survival.

Basically, my strategy at the moment involves making it to the museum where I work (which, during the Cold War, was designated as a bomb shelter), hoarding the volunteer snacks, camping out on the roof and rationing out water from the Ozarka water bottle surplus in the board room to stay hydrated.

Good plan, right?

Wrong. The water surplus is gone. We are currently on our last bottle. And unless the Ozarka guy comes TODAY, there will be no water at all. At least no water that doesn't look like THIS.

How am I supposed to survive now? Water is the second most important thing behind shelter. Everyone knows that!

Plus, zombie apocalypse or no zombie apocalypse, I need potable water to make coffee with in the morning. Because, really: No coffee isn't an option.


So, Nora called Ozarka this morning to find out why our water supply hasn’t been replenished. The conversation went something like this:

Nora: "Oh, you have been trying to deliver? I am so sorry! No, honey. It isn't your fault. Our doorbell isn't that reliable. But we really are running low on water this time. I know! I don't think I would have even noticed if it weren't for my coworker. Yeah, she totally squirrels the water bottles away incase of a natural disaster or, I dunno, zombie attack. Yes. That’s right. I said, ‘Zombie attack’. Yeah. She has an action plan and everything. So if you have any antizombie ideas just let me know. Oh? Okay. I will tell her.

[Turns to me]

"She says to tell you that Ozarka’s water deters zombies. Just put in a spray bottle and you will be all set.”

Somehow I doubt I am being taken seriously around here.