On floating heads and big, white vans...

I see this van in the parking lot of my gym occasionally, and the mannequin head never fails to completely freak me out. I mean, look at it! It kind of looks like the floating head of some poor, decapitated Barbie.

I don't care how much you value the HOV lane. It is not cool. Not cool at all.

Jury Duty: City versus the County

I had jury duty for the City of Dallas yesterday. Today I had jury duty for the county. Because I am just lucky that way.

There are many differences between city and county jury duty. But for the internet’s sake, I will just hit the highlights.

• Start time for the city is 9 AM. Start time for the county is 8:30 AM. Neither is close to a coffee shop, but the Municipal Building does have a 7-11 across the street.



• You have to stand to be sworn in at the city. You can sit over at the county.



• The county has a large auditorium for potential jurors with comfy seats. The city has a room with several rows of plastic chairs. The first time I had jury duty for the city in 2005 I had to sit on the floor because every seat in the room was already taken.



• The county pays you $6 for your time (assuming, of course, you don't waive or donate your fee). The city gives you a stamped piece of paper informing you that “no fee was [or will be] paid”.



• The county validates discounts your parking. The city does nothing. So, basically, it cost me $12 in parking fees to perform my civic duty for the city on Monday and $3 today.



• The county gives you a juror badge, punch out DART pass and directions to the Central Jury Room. The city just directs you - without going into ANY specifics whatsoever - to the second floor of the Municipal Building downtown. Please note that the second floor is large, and to get to the juror room you have to go up a flight of stairs, down another, walk down a hallway, turn right and go to the forth door on your left. And, no. There are no signs.



• The county has a video explaining the basics of jury duty. They don't tell you they are going to show you a film, much less that a film exists and they consider it to be mandatory viewing. They just unceremoniously turn off the lights around 9:15 AM and start rolling. For about 30 seconds after the lights have gone out (but before the film starts), the jury pool is convinced that there has been some sort of power outage.



• Said jury 101 video at the county was hosted by Clarice Tinsley. The city on Monday had a TV in the jury room that was tuned to channel 4. All this could lead someone to believe that jury duty in Dallas is somehow sponsored by the Fox network.



• The county mandates that you fill out a survey before reporting for duty. REQUIRED questions include race, religion, marital status and spouse’s name and occupation. I am not sure why answering these questions was mandatory, since it has absolutely no bearing on my ability to be a juror. The city, on the other hand, doesn't care if it has your address correct or not.



• Don't show for the city, and they issue you another summons. Don't show for the county, and they issue you a citation.

Unlike in 2007, I was not chosen to sit on an actual jury this time around. But it did give me the opportunity to read two very good books over the course of my combined eight hours of service. Which, if you are me, is kind of fantastic. Almost like vacation. If going on holiday included a random gathering of my fellow residents - most with hacking coughs or significant congestion - on two consecutive early mornings with no coffee, a bunch of metal detectors and very expensive parking.

Yep. Fan-tastic.

As if having municipal jury duty wasn't bad enough...

I know we live in a free country and it is fantastic and all of that, BUT:

1. It is NEVER okay to clip your finger and toenails while waiting in a jury room in public (the noise! THE NOISE!).



2. Even if it WAS okay (which, again, it is not), you should properly dispose of said clippings. NOT leave them scattered on the floor around your seat.

Seriously. Sometimes I hate people.

How GP rang in her 58th year...

Flowers

A Hike

Target Practice (because, you know, why not?!).

It is also important to note that mom and I were the only ones to actually HIT the target. Poor, silly, cocky boys.

On water shortages, zombies and whatnot...

So, we all know that I worry about the inevitable zombie apocalypse, and spend sleepless nights trying to come up with a realistic action plan for survival.

Basically, my strategy at the moment involves making it to the museum where I work (which, during the Cold War, was designated as a bomb shelter), hoarding the volunteer snacks, camping out on the roof and rationing out water from the Ozarka water bottle surplus in the board room to stay hydrated.

Good plan, right?

Wrong. The water surplus is gone. We are currently on our last bottle. And unless the Ozarka guy comes TODAY, there will be no water at all. At least no water that doesn't look like THIS.

How am I supposed to survive now? Water is the second most important thing behind shelter. Everyone knows that!

Plus, zombie apocalypse or no zombie apocalypse, I need potable water to make coffee with in the morning. Because, really: No coffee isn't an option.


So, Nora called Ozarka this morning to find out why our water supply hasn’t been replenished. The conversation went something like this:

Nora: "Oh, you have been trying to deliver? I am so sorry! No, honey. It isn't your fault. Our doorbell isn't that reliable. But we really are running low on water this time. I know! I don't think I would have even noticed if it weren't for my coworker. Yeah, she totally squirrels the water bottles away incase of a natural disaster or, I dunno, zombie attack. Yes. That’s right. I said, ‘Zombie attack’. Yeah. She has an action plan and everything. So if you have any antizombie ideas just let me know. Oh? Okay. I will tell her.

[Turns to me]

"She says to tell you that Ozarka’s water deters zombies. Just put in a spray bottle and you will be all set.”

Somehow I doubt I am being taken seriously around here.

Don't mind me. I'm just staring off into space...

This morning, while sitting at my desk, I noticed three things:

1. My mouth was open.


2. My tongue was completely dry.


3. I had been sitting like that for awhile.

So, basically, I was so tired that I was all but completely passed out in my office.

And that was after two BIG cups of extra strong coffee this morning.

I need a nap. Or, better yet, for this week to end already!

Blah!

Who is with me?

I am sorry, but I think tofu sounds exponentially more appetizing than bean curd.

Note to self...

While Haskell is wearing a t-shirt made for a human,
make sure the doggie door remains closed.