Thursday, May 12, 2016

Banner Quotes, Spring Edition...

Mr. Garcia: "Who lives with you at home?"
Banner: [Raises hand] "I brush my teeth by myself."
Mr. Garcia: "Good job, Banner, but who lives with you? Or, rather, who feeds you?"
Banner: "I feed myself."
Mr. Garcia: "Fair enough."

Schafer:  *Sneezes*
Banner: "Mama, Schafer got bless on me."

Banner:  "Don't worry mama! I being careful!"
(He was on top of his dresser trying to get something off the very top of the armoire.)

Banner:  "The doggies no like to go to bed, either."
Me:  "Not true.  Haskell loves his bed."
Banner:  [After a long pause...] "Well, Gypsy and Alley no like to go to bed.  Haskell just lazy."

Me: "What did you learn about in church today?"
Banner: {shrug} "Jesus?"

Banner:  "I want to be a police officer long as I can have my own phone."

Banner:  [Pointing to a stained glass window]  "Daddy? Is that Jesus?"
Trevor:  "Yes."
Banner:  "So, Jesus wears flip flops all the time?"

Banner:  "I never-ever pick my nose."

Banner:  "Momma, I need a new superhero picture thing for the wall because it is almost Thursday."
(He wanted a new calendar.)

Me: "Banner, I love you all the way to Pluto and back."
Banner: "Is that far?"
Me: "Yes, it is an unfathomable distance."
Banner: "Oh, like the ranch or Durango?"
Me: "Sort of."
Banner: "If you can't get there when you want, it's far."
Me: "Fair enough."

Banner: "Mommy, I sorry. I poot on you."
Me:  "Ew.  Really, Ban?"
Banner:  "You can't be mad because I already say 'sorry'."

Banner: "You can't talk to strangers because you don't know their names."

Banner:  "If you are a stranger, how you going to make any friends? Because you are a stranger, you don't have any friends and nobody want to talk to you because you are a stranger!"

Banner: [to ATT guy, Bo]: "So, you are a stranger."
Bo: "Yes, I guess I am."
Banner: "So you no have any friends?"
Bo: "No, I have friends."
Banner: "No you don't. You are a stranger. No one talks to strangers, so you no have any friends. You can't have friends if no one talks to you."
Bo: "But you are talking to me."
Banner: "I only talking to you because my mama is right there. Not because we are friends. I can't be friends with a stranger."

Banner: "Mommy, I brushed my hair to get the angles out."

Banner: "Kids just don't know things."
(After being reprimanded for doing something he knew he shouldn't do.)

Banner: "Boys are the best soccer players. Not girls."
Me: "Actually, buddy, girl soccer players won the World Cup. They are the best soccer players in the whole world."
Banner: "Not they aren't!"
Me: "Yes, they are. I can show you pictures."
Banner: "Well, I can show you boys!"

Banner: "That's funny. I don't like funny things."

Banner: "Ew! What's that smell?"
Me: "What smell?"
Banner: "Daddy."

Banner: "Mama, Pluto is not a planet. He is a dog and he lives at Mickey mouse's playhouse."

Banner: "I just kissed myself because I am one of the dudes."

Banner: "I no nap at school today because I was busy protecting all my friends."
Me: "From what?"
Banner: "Probably spiders."

Banner: "Knock, knock."
Trev: "Who is there?"
Banner: "Pizza."
Trev: "Pizza who?"
Banner: "Flower."
Trev: "I don't think you understand how knock-knock jokes work."
Banner: "Mama, you know how you call me 'peanut'?"
Me: "Yes."
Banner: "I want to be your pumpkin. Not your peanut."
Banner: "Mama, I want you to know that I chose you to be my mama. I looked down and thought to myself, '[my full name]'. She knows me."

Banner: "Mama, did you know that dinosaurs can't sneeze on girls or pick on boys?"

Banner: "I can ride a motorcycle because I'm the smart one."
Banner: "Mama? Why that bird running when it can fly?"
Me: "Dunno, buddy. Been wondering the same thing for years."
Banner: "Yeah, because birds run funny."
Me: "I was thinking more along the lines of 'why run when you can fly' but sure."

Banner to Schafer: "I love you fat, little girl!"

Banner refers to both his wallet (that Gram gave him for Christmas) and the pockets on his over-the-door shoe organizer in his closet as "envelopes".
Me:  "Isn't fair?"
Banner:  "NO!  It IS fair!"
Me:  "Okay.  Then why are you upset?"
Banner:  "It is just too fair!"
 Banner:  "Maybe ice cream will make it all better?"
Banner:  "Is it still Mother's Day?"
Me:  "No.  That was just Sunday."
Banner:  "But I want it to still be Mother's Day!"
Me:  "Well, it will be Father's Day soon..."
Banner:  "When is it going to be Kid's Day?"

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