Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Yep, that's right, Tevo. I am actually watching the NBA Finals voluntarily.

I know you are proud of me.

And, just in case you were wondering, I am watching it in non HD on purpose to prove the point that what happens in HD also happens in non HD simultaneously.

Well that and I didn't want to make you TOO jealous.

Dear Trevor...

Yes. This is a letter for my husband.

No. We didn't break up. Yes. I am still speaking to him.

He is back in Peru on another mission trip. Last year, he told me that he would have no way of communicating with me while he was down there. So, I updated my blog with several posts about my sans-Trevor diet, which mainly included eating popcorn or cereal for dinner for the better part of a week while watching his doppelganger, Peter Krause, in episode after episode of Parenthood on my DVR.

Yes, I was that kind of weepy newly wed. [Shakes head]

So, basically, he lied about not having internet access while in South America. And then he sicked his mom on me.

Lesson learned, Trevor. Lesson learned.

This year, I was prepared, and even thought about not updating this little piece of the internet for the entire time of his trip. Take that, Tevo! But then he Facebooked me this afternoon, and I decided to throw him a bone:

Dear Trevor,

My eating has been fine, thankyouverymuch! I went out to lunch with Ah-Knee on Saturday after you left, and then saw the movie Bridesmaids. Dinner was a yummy salad from Whole Foods. I briefly considered buying salad fixings at the store and making it at home, but that seemed like a lot of effort with a perfectly good and fully stocked salad bar just down the street.

On Sunday, I had lunch with Rachel and then headed to City Arts with her and the Q (after a brief stop at Bert's house to care for Jack who, for once, didn't bite, scratch or otherwise draw blood from yours truly). Memorial Day was spent having one last meal with Mimi (who was leaving for London today), followed by swimming and dinner out at The Resort at Pamelot.

Yes, I have eaten cereal since you left, but mostly for breakfast. But I haven't had a single kernel of popcorn. Oh, and because I know it will make you sad, I finished the last of the cottage cheese in the fridge.

The dogs, on the other hand, have had kibble for every meal since Saturday. I actually went to PetCo after work today and bought some Greenies to mix it up a bit.

Haskell has stepped up now that he is the "man" of the house, has a full time job where he lounges on his bed for 23.5+ hours a day and is now speaking five languages fluently. Alley is pretty sure that you have abandoned her, and is sucking up to me BIG time. I am not sure that Gypsy has noticed you are missing.

I have steered clear of anything starring Peter Krause, but have cleared almost every single episode of Dateline off the DVR. You can imagine how this has effected my mental state.

I heart you. You better be wearing your hat and sunscreen.

The Wifey

P.S. It is possible that I miss you, but I would never admit it over the internet. ;P

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

That's right, Beetches!

Trevor is a very happy boy...

My daylilies are blooming!

These daylilies are the descendants of my great grandparent's daylilies from the old family home on Swiss Avenue. The house no longer exists, but the daylilies have been planted, grown, thinned and past down ever since.

Auntie Mimi gave me mine last fall when her's needed thinning.

When I see the flowers, I think of Moo and I am happy.

My personal paradise...



Gardening: So much work. So worth it.

At the time, we were all in the closet...

You know the weather is bad when you find yourself shoved into a tiny hallway closet with your husband, next door neighbor and three large dogs.

But what is funny is when you realize that, had you been left to your own devices, you probably wouldn't have gone into the closet in the first place. You are only there because your neighbor came over (because she doesn't have a good interior closet or bathroom), and your mother called from Cedar Hill nearly in tears with worry and concern. Suddenly, all the whites and purples on the radar screen seem a little more terrifying than they did before, and, well...okay, I'll go sit in the closet and wait it out. Even if I feel like I am overreacting just a bit.

Of course, when all the rain, large hail and high winds suddenly - and without warning - stop, and the world around you becomes eerily quiet, you are secretly glad you are in said closet. Even if it a tad too warm in there, and you are pretty sure that one of the dogs just farted in your face. For about ninety seconds, no one - not even the dogs - breathes as we wait for something to happen.

Nothing does.

Then the rain and winds pick back up and we know the danger has passed. We all leave the closet breathing heavy sighs of relief. And you are almost immediately embarrassed to admit that, yes, I just rode out a storm in a tiny linen/shoe closet with five other souls for (luckily) no reason at all.

And that, my friends, is how I spent my Tuesday night.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

My priorities must be out of whack...

Is there an epidemic of stinky plumbers out there?

Because "water bug" still means roach...

Monday afternoon, my coworker, intern and I went to lunch. It had rained earlier that morning, and my coworker opened the employee entrance door to see if we still needed an umbrella to make it to the car. I was standing directly behind her, and my intern behind me.

All of a sudden, what looked like a giant cockroach ran between my coworker’s feet and straight at me. I screamed and jumped out of the way, which lead to my intern to do the same. In the chaos, my coworker somehow got shoved out of the employee door and locked outside.

Meanwhile, my intern and I were inside trying to assess the hostage situation with the giant cockroach. It was a tense thirty seconds that involved several panicked shouts, screams and otherwise hysterical behavior in the darken doorway. All the while my coworker, who was still outside, was pounding on the door because she had dropped her keys, and couldn't get back in to save us.

Somehow, in the time it took calm down enough to demagnetize the exterior door and let my coworker back in, it was discovered that the cockroach wasn't a cockroach at all, but a tiny baby frog. The poor thing was traumatized by the giant humans freaking out all around it, and had gone into "stun mode". Luckily, this made it easier for us to catch it and relocate it back outside in the grass.

Anyway, I am telling you this in the hopes that it might explain why people don't think I am good in a crisis. In my defense, I don't think situations involving cockroaches or even potential cockroaches should count. Same goes for spiders and scorpions.

I'm just saying is all.

The end.

Monday, May 23, 2011

My dog may be broken, but Trevor's is an idiot...

Since the weather forecast was calling for severe thunderstorms today, I left Alley and Haskell inside the house with their doggie door off the kitchen open so they could come and go as they pleased. Haskell could probably care less about anything that doesn't involve his bed or sleeping, but Alley has squirrels to hunt and birds to annoy and random things to bark at. So, for her, I figured it was a win-win.

Cut to eleven o’clock this morning. It was dark-like-midnight outside, pouring down rain and hailing. My next door neighbor called to tell me that Alley was in the dog run crying. This meant that Alley had either forgotten that the doggie door was open, or that Haskell had figured out how to lock his sister out of the house.

I’ll let you decide which is more likely.

In other news, the saga of Gypsy's ear continues. She had the stitches and tube removed on May 6th, but (surprise, surprise) the incision site had developed an infection. So, for the next ten days, I got to administer antibiotics twice a day AND gently express this clear discharge out of her ear flap through the hole where the tube used to be. This is almost as fun and pleasant as it sounds.

Then, on May 15th, the hole closed up, so there was no longer an area to drain the fluid. At first, I wasn't very concerned. But twenty four hours later, Gypsy's ear had swollen back up like a water balloon, which translated into yet another trip to the vet. The doctor opted to lance her ear open so there would be a new hole for me to express. Oh, and yet another round of antibiotics.

A week later, though, and Woo’s ear is STILL draining. Not only that, but the tip of her ear is thickening and starting to curl. Somehow, I managed to play rugby for years and avoid cauliflower ear, but my dog isn’t so lucky. I know it is superficial and all, but it makes me so sad that one of her beautiful, soft ears is slowly deforming like a wrestlers.

The worst part is that if the draining does stop soon, we will most likely have to repeat the surgery. This, other than the obvious trauma to my dog and wear and tear on her poor, little, eight year old body, isn’t cheap. So, please keep your fingers crossed that the drainage will clear up soon.

Oh, and that Alley remembers how to use the doggie door. I hear more storms may be in the forecast for this afternoon.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The CDC, Zombies and ;P

I am so glad that the CDC finally decided to follow my lead, and start encouraging people to come up with an emergency preparedness and response plan in the event of a zombie attack in the United States:

Obviously, if the world ends on Saturday, zombies will be the least of our worries. But it is always better to be safe than sorry. You know, just in case.

And he probably STILL won't be able to find anything to watch...

For reasons I don't quite understand, Trevor signed up for Netflix yesterday. Because, obviously, every cable HD channel ever conceived of on U-verse, a DVR, movies on demand, a PlayStation III AND an Apple TV aren't enough. Heaven forbid the boy not have any viewing options.

He now has unlimited access to hundreds of zombie movies and something called "Howard the Duck", which I've never heard of but I'm fairly sure will give me nightmares. There also seems to be a significant number of horror flicks that Trevor can't wait to see, and absolutely NO mention of any wife-friendly film options (i.e. Pixar cartoons or anything starring Mr. T or talking dogs).

All of this suggests that I will be doing a whole lot more reading. Which, considering all the books I have in queue on my Kindle, is probably just as well.


Monday, May 16, 2011

On backhanded compliments and whatnot...

I wore a dress to Sunday School yesterday. While it is true that I normally wear something resembling chinos and a sweater, I have been known to dress up on occasion. It is just that it is easier to work with kiddos while wearing pants - especially while sitting on the floor or in micro chairs built for six year olds.

But you would have thought I had had a full body make over the way one of the ladies carried on:

V: "You look so nice today!"

Me: "Thank you."

V: "I had no idea you owned any pretty dresses!"

Me: "Um, yeah, well...thanks."

And then I got home and discovered a piece of sour apple jolly rancher stuck to said dress and was immediately reminded why I normally stick with my normal, old, ugly clothes.

Sigh...at least I tried.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

On home improvements. And, well, zombies...

Thanks to Melissa for this little tidbit:

I am just excited that This Old House is taking the risk of an impending zombie attack seriously. ;P

Monday, May 09, 2011

Appreciate away...

In case you didn't hear, May is Zombie Appreciation Month.

Not sure how you are supposed to go about "appreciating" zombies, but this is just as good of a time as any to stock up on bottled water, canned food and some sort of weapon to protect yourself with.

Luckily, Rach is back in town from Africa, so at least that part of the plan is going...well, according to plan.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

They have never written back before!

-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Monday, May 02, 2011 3:55 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients
Subject: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes,sorry I did not inform you
about our trip.We actually made a quick travel to London UK and
unfortunately attacked and mugged at gun point on the way to our
hotel,all cash,credit card and cell phone were taken away from us but
luckily we still have our passport with us.

I`ve been to the embassy and the Police here but they're not helping
issues at all and our return flight leaves anytime from now but we`re
having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't
let us leave until we settle the bills.

Am freaked out at the moment


-----Original Message-----
From: Nora
To: Mary
Sent: Tue, May 3, 2011 3:18 pm
Subject: RE: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.

Oh my goodness, Mary - what can I do to help????

-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 9:48 AM
To: Nora
Subject: RE: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.

Glad you came replied and nothing has been done from my end here. All
I need now is for you to assist me with a loan of $2500 to settle my
bills. I promise to fund it back and you can have it wire to my name
via Western Union transfer store nearest close to you, I will pick it
up with my travel passport as a form of identification. Below is the
required information for the transfer:

Name......Mary B.
Address:447 Harewood Row, London, NW1 6S
United Kingdom

As soon as it has been done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation

I owe you a Lot.


-----Original Message-----
From: Nora
To: Mary
Sent: Tue, May 3, 2011 4:28 pm
Subject: RE: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.


I don't have that kind of money, I'm so sorry but the prostitution
business is really slow right now. Can I send part?


-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 10:53 AM
To: Nora
Subject: RE: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.

OK, I'll appreciate whatever you can spare me and let me know how
much you can afford and let me know once you heading to the WU store.I
promise to refund it back to you, owe you a lot.


-----Original Message-----
From: Nora
To: Mary
Sent: Tue, May 3, 2011 1:23 pm
Subject: RE: Vacation Problem.........Mary B.


Maybe I can get the girls to turn a few more tricks than usual. I'll
try to get more money (I think Guido owes me a few k). Is tomorrow too


-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 12:02 PM
To: Nora

I'll appreciate whatever you can come up because am in a tight spot.


-----Original Message-----
From: Nora
Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 12:04 PM
To: Mary

How tight? Like corset tight or panty hose tight?

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

"In case you get any questions or comments". Oh, ha ha. Very funny.

From: Fair Park
Sent: Monday, May 02, 2011 9:08 AM
To: Fair Park Campus Members
Subject: DPD SWAT Training

While most of your museums are closed today, I want to let you know that the Dallas Police Department will be conducting SWAT Training in the Cotton Bowl today and tomorrow (Monday & Tuesday) in case you get any questions or comments from your patrons. Thanks

This was all fine and good on Monday when we were all closed, but not today when we have 150ish 4th graders, their teachers, and parents all looking around like, "I told you Fair Park was bad!"

Monday, May 02, 2011

I never said I was a rational thinker...

Last night, Trevor and I waited eagerly for President Obama's big announcement. There was a lot of speculation about what he would say. The broadcast journalists just kept talking about how rare late night, last minute Presidential speeches are. The only thing known for sure was that it was a matter of national security.

During this time of anxious waiting, I started to convince myself that maybe...just maybe...Obama was going to announce that the zombie apocalypse had begun. No kidding. I even asked Trevor if I should fill up the bathtubs with fresh water.

So, it was relief to hear that Osama bin Ladin had finally been caught. For so many reasons.

If I ever have kids, I hope they never have to do a school project on what mommy and daddy were doing when they heard the news that bin Ladin was dead. Because I would be lying if I didn't say that daddy was trying to talk mommy off of mount crazy.

In my defense, I blame that Honda Civic commercial with the zombie. And Rachel over at Singular Girl. Thanks to them, I've had a hard time getting my mind off the undead.


Sunday, May 01, 2011

A dog's life at the ranch...

Yes, the pansy got to go to the ranch.
No, no one took her seriously.

Poor Woo.

This is Haskell.

This is Haskell after surprising, chasing
and nearly being murdered by 30 wild hogs.

Chillin' on the porch.

Please note the delicately crossed front paws on Lady Alley.

What Woo wore to the Royal Wedding Watching Party.

Haskell pretending to be a water dog.

Muddy paw prints.

Poodles really aren't ranch material.

Neither is Teddy.

Although, Teddy "pretends" better than Lola.


It is hard to tell from this picture, but Haskell is completely covered in cow poop. He was very proud of himself. His human companions were less impressed.

Haskell didn't have to bathe alone, though.
This is Alley after wallowing in a mud puddle.

Night, night!