Tuesday, February 25, 2014

My powers of observation (or general lack there of)...

I walked past this wall of Girl Scout cookies for two days before I realized they were there.

And by "realize" I don't mean I suddenly saw them.  No, no.  My coworker asked if I had taken any to day care yet, and I was all like, "What are you talking about?  What cookies?"

The worst part?  See that door in the right hand picture?  Yeah, that is the door I walk in and out of EVERY SINGLE time I come or go from the building.


Worst superpower ev-ver.

Trevor's Crackles...


Monday, February 24, 2014

Two year old dental update...

Dentist:  "So, do you brush your son's teeth regularly?"

Me:  "I…we…um, yes.  I swear.  We brush them every night.  Promise."

Dentist:  "I can tell.  No plaque at all.  Not even at the back."


The bad news?  Banner is getting his two year old molars.

The good news?  Two have already broken through.  And once they are all in, that's the end of the whole teeth saga until the Tooth Fairy arrives on the scene in four or five years.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

That thing about the Olympics...

Have you seen this TD Ameritrade Olympic commercial about speed skater J.R. Celski?

Well, thanks to it, this happened:

Yes.  That is my two year old on roller skates.  Because, according to Trevor, we have to start Banner early if he is going to grow up to be an Olympic hockey player.


Have I mentioned that my husband is highly susceptible to advertising?

Of course, if Banner had his way, he would be sporting around the driveway on this glittery pink pair of  Disney princess fabulousness:


Saturday, February 22, 2014

Like Haskell, but not (or the best $5 I've ever spent)...

Note:  Trevor has been referring to Haskell as a "pig dog" for YEARS. 
It was obviously meant to be.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Too fabulous not to share...

Trevor's attire at the Secret Cupid party at our house Valentine's night.
Even Haskell is impressed.

The good news:  All G-Winks were sporting PJs in various shades of red and pink.  Seriously.  I wore pink scrubs from my 2002 college sorority formal, a tank top and a pink polka-dotted bathrobe.  I was fabulously comfortable.

The bad news:  EVERYONE ELSE IN ATTENDANCE decided to forgo PJs or festive Valentine's Day attire, and look all cute and fancy.  Dru even wore an ascot.  AN ASCOT.  Like Ken on Toy Story 3.  Meanwhile, I looked like someone just woke me up from a sound sleep for some pizza.

Oh, and did I mention I was also meeting out of town cousins for the first time?  Yeah.  Yay me.

But back to Trevor.  He has wanted a smoking jacket for years but is never getting one because the cheapest they run is like $1,000.  And, no:  The fact that they throw in "free monogramming" isn't a selling point AT ALL.  Because the man only smokes a pipe maaaaaybe once a year and...well, he is TREVOR.  Not James Bond, Hugh Hefner or even Pepe Le Pew.

But, luckily, he found this robe at an antique store, and he is satisfied for now.

And, don't worry.  I made him dry clean it first.  Because:  MOTH EGGS and EMBALMING FLUID!

In related news, I mentioned to Trevor nearly twelve years ago, that I've always found something appealing about grown men in PJs.  I've even bought him various sets over the years in the hopes that he'd wear them.  No dice.  Well, until he found this set at Nordies.  Now he comes home and immediately puts them on.  We are going to have to get him another set, though, because he is all like Banner and his Elmo shirt with those PJs right now and they've got to go in the laundry sometime.

Boys, I swear.  They never cease to amaze and amuse, do they?

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Because he is all boy or something...

Banner has (unfortunately) learned that if he drinks a lot of water really, really, really fast, he can burp loud and proud.  Which is HYSTERICAL when you are two.  Actually, scratch that.  It is hysterical if you are a male, because Trevor is all "that's my boy" and I'm all like "Dear God, STOP!  You are going to make yourself puke!"

In related news, tooting is the holy grail of funny noises Banner has discovered he can do (almost) on command.  If he strains really hard and turns purple.  Extra points for generating bubbles in the bath tub. 

Judging by how awesome Trevor finds flatulence at 37, I'm assuming this is going to get a lot worse as time marches forward.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Apparently, he is trying to escape...

Banner got in "trouble" at school last week for picking a hole in the dry wall at day care. 

(Note:  Not so much trouble.  More like "and look what your kid did today".)

I'm pretty sure he was just trying to escape to the playground since his teachers have had to Banner-proof the classroom's door to the outside.  The kid likes his freedom.  And, much to everyone's dismay, has a knack for defeating all efforts at containing him. 

Friday, February 14, 2014

Banner's Valentine's Day party...

Banner's class celebrated Valentine's Day two days early on Wednesday.  The kids had been working hard on decorating shoe box "mailboxes" all week.  Banner's was the largest because all the other kids had little kid shoe boxes or one of mom's, but all we had at home was one of Trevor's. 

(Really not that surprising because Trevor loves him some shoes.)

The funny thing about the party was watching Banner run around like a maniac the entire time.  The kid is full of energy.  He was jumping, climbing, dancing and partying his little hiney off.  Meanwhile, all the girls were sitting quietly at the table working on crafts or carefully decorating their cookie.  Is this a gender thing?  Or is my kid just a spaz?

It was also rather alarming that every one of the parents seemed to know Banner and have a story about him.  He has only been in the class for a month.  It is reminiscent of that party in the nursery when I walked in and everyone was all like, "Oh, you must be Banner's mom."  Except then I was all proud of my social butterfly and now I'm wondering if it really is a good thing that my kid makes himself so...KNOWN.

The kid is two and his reputation precedes him.  But, hey, at least the Ban Man has made new friends, right?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Hot Chocolate 15k...

After the Too Cold To Hold on Sunday, I really wasn't looking forward to running again six days later.  But I did, and I finished.  And I don't really have all that much to say about it except thank goodness it wasn't as cold as it was a week earlier.

That's not to say that the run was bad.  Actually, it felt better and I ran faster than I did in the other race just days before.  Plus, it was neat to run up Swiss, down La Vista and through my old neighborhood in Hollywood Heights (despite that b*tch of a hill).  I guess, I'm just tired and relieved I finished strong.

I think I need to take a break from running.  A least from running so far so often.  I've been averaging somewhere between 15-25 miles a week now for about nine months, which really isn't all that impressive.  But I've got this dang foot injury.  It showed up in October when we started training in earnest for the ill fated December half, and it just isn't getting any better.  Granted, in recent months, it hasn't gotten substantially worse, but I'm tired of all the hobbling.  I don't necessarily want to stop running altogether, but I wouldn't mind scaling things back a bit.  If only because I'd love to be able to get up without all the limping if I need to pee in the middle of the night.

I know.  I dream BIG.


Dear Trevor,

There is nothing wrong with a 5 or 10k.


Really, I blame myself.  I've always encouraged Trevor to run, and now he is.  And we've been able to run together and it has been fabulous.  Since Trevor started running distance last August, he has lost thirty-five pounds.  I've gained two.  Part of me is so proud of him, and the other part kind of wants to stab him in the eye.  It is a complicated emotion.

It is like that time I stopped drinking soda and lost zero pounds.  And then - years later - Trevor did the same and lost ten.  Men and their metabolisms are effing a$$hats sometimes.

So, I'm sure Trevor will continue to run to spite me, which is terrible because the competitive side of me HATES IT when he is besting me in anything.  So, more than likely, my break from running really won't be a break at all.  I may simply refrain from registering for any new races.

Which?  YOU ARE WELCOME!  Because it is supposed to be SEVENTY DEGREES in Dallas this weekend.  We will take all the credit because it makes perfect sense that the weather would rebound to "glorious" for no other reason than Trevor and I aren't running in a race this weekend.  Seriously.  It just can't be all coincidence and "winter".  Especially since there wasn't a weekend day in January where the high was below 65 (note:  we ran ZERO races in January).  We've signed up for five races since the last week in November, and the warmest it has been at starting time was a blustery 40 in the POURING rain and thunder.  And yet EVERY OTHER WEEKEND IN BETWEEN?  Lovely. 

We've definitely gotten the hint, Mother Nature.


Because, every now and then, having a little person
wake you up before dawn is completely worth it.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

At least he had a good time once he got there...

Things you don't want to hear from your toddler when you arrive at church:

"Oh, no!"

Friday, February 07, 2014

A different kind of iPhone dump...

So, sometimes I make use of the Notes app on my iPhone, and record little things that have happened so I don't forget. Except, I also forget that I made a note until I go to make another note, and half the time I can't remember what the previous note even meant. So, yeah, this is an example of a system that could really use a new system. Ideally, one that helped me remember what I had already made a point of remembering before I forgot.

I know. This is a personal problem.

Anyway, many of my notes are so vague that I don't even know what they mean any more. Like the one from July 8th of last year about "Vagina Tornados". WTF is that?

Or the note from last May that referenced a nap that Trevor had stolen from me.

How, exactly, does someone steal a nap from someone else?

(Although, if anyone could, it would be Trevor.)

I'm pretty sure Siri is using autocorrect to screw with me again.

Except both of these things *almost* sound familiar. Like when some says something and you think you dreamed about it once, but aren't entirely sure? Yeah, sort of like that, but I don't think sleep was involved at all. Except in the sense that I've slept since I wrote "Vagina Tornados" down in the Note app on my phone. Which is another way of saying that I'm pretty sure my brain resets itself overnight.

Anyway, the following is basically an iPhone dump of notes that I can actually remember and elaborate on. Don't worry. They are almost exclusively about Banner. Not vaginas. Or tornados for that matter.


Back in November, Banner started using the word "pretty" out of nowhere. His teachers thought he overheard it in class because Ebony and Natasha had a habit of complimenting the girls in the class if they sat still long enough for them to fix their hair.

Anyway, all of a sudden Banner started using "pretty" to describe individuals.

Trevor: "Banner, who do you think is pretty?"

Banner: "Emma pretty."

Trevor: "Is mommy pretty?"

Banner: "Alley pretty."

Thanks, kid.


Speaking of Emma, Natasha asked Banner back in December if Emma was Banner's girlfriend. He said yes, paused and then added Abby, too. But he holds hands with Austin (girl). It is very complicated. I'm so sad that these four aren't in the same room together any more! They've been together since they were tiny, little babies! When he ran into Austin in the hallway a couple of weeks ago, they gave each other the BIGGEST hug, and then walked hand in hand. So sweet.


Banner is not a big fan of diaper changes. Or putting lotion on after a bath. And he makes his discontent known by yelling, "NO TOUCH, MOMMY", at the TOP.OF.HIS.LUNGS.

10 points if he yells this in a public restroom.


Please note sock on hand.  MJ style.

The kid is super opinionated when it comes to socks. Sometimes he wears multiple pairs of socks at once. My favorite is when he wears two pairs on one foot, one on the other and the remaining sock on his hand.


We bought Banner a potty chair awhile back, and he LOVES to sit on the thing. But that is about it. You have to be careful, though, because every now and again he decides that Elmo needs to go potty, and I fear it is only a matter of time before Elmo ends up in the potty bowl.


Banner on counting: "5, 4, chicken, 9..."


When you hold up a tissue to Banner's nose and ask him to blow, he just says the word "blow".

In related news, he now says "bless you" when someone sneezes. It is the cutest. Even better? When HE sneezes, he says, "Bless you, Banner." He also covers his mouth with he sneezes and coughs.


Speaking of talking, we are officially in the some-words-sound-like-other-words phase. Don't know what I mean? Let's just say, my child isn't swearing. He just likes "trucks" and "shirts". Last night, he really, really, REALLY wanted to read the book about trucks. Except it sounded like he wanted to...oh, use your imagination. Trevor was dying laughing.


Why is my child crying? Because he asked for water, and I gave him water. But then he didn't want the water and started to scream "no, wa-wa!". So, I took it away, which made him really wail "WA-WA"! He wants it but he doesn't want it. It is very confusing. I can't win. Same goes for that sticker with Mickey Mouse on it.

Toddlers can be real irrational a$$hats sometimes.


They taught Banner "my turn" at day care. Which is fine, except now he always thinks it his turn for no reason other than he said "my turn".


Secretly, I think Banner misses Coco. For no other reason except Coco was an easy scapegoat. Last week, Banner pushed one of his friends at school. I tried to talk to him about the incident, and Banner immediately said, "Coco push! Nanner no push!" And I was all like, "Dude. Coco isn't even in your class anymore, but nice try!"


Banner still runs into Room 7 every afternoon, and tries to steal their crackers.


He is OBSESSED with trains, airplanes, trucks, water fountains and flashlights.


There is nothing more fascinating to Banner than watching Trevor shave. So, the Ban-Man commandeered my Clarisonic, and "shaves" his face with it every morning. Just like daddy.


We've been bad about going to church recently. It all started with several cases of Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease in the church nursery back in November. Toss in the ice storm, colds, a couple of trips to the ranch, a race or two and the holidays, and...well, we've only been a couple of times since Thanksgiving. And by a couple, I'm pretty sure I really only mean "once". I know, terrible.

Anyway, it doesn't help that Banner HATES the church nursery. I mean, he is fine if I stay with him, but he screams bloody murder if I try and leave him. And, believe me, I've simply left him before in the hopes he'd get over it in a few minutes. NOT.THE.CASE. And the nursery staff is always very quick to call/text when the kid starts to turn purple. I can't remember the last time I made it through an entire service.

Luckily, if his friend Payton is there, I can usually sneak away (especially if they go outside to play for a bit). If Banner is having fun, he doesn't notice I'm missing. But even this tactic wasn't working on the last Sunday in January. After multiple failed attempts, Banner and I ended up cutting our losses and joining Trevor in the main sanctuary just in time for communion. The good news, however, was that he was completely fascinated by the choir and organ (he said, "Whoooooa" when he first heard it). He even toddled up to the alter and took communion with mommy and daddy when it was our turn (he got a blessing because I was worried he'd unceremoniously spit out the wafer). Cutest thing ever. Almost made all the waterworks and hysterics all morning worth it.


Banner randomly calls Trevor and I by our names. Trevor thought it was funny when he first heard Banner do it to me, but found it unnerving when the tide shifted and Banner was suddenly screaming, "Trev-VOR" in Lampasas on the way to Eve's Café.


Yesterday, while driving home, a police car stopped next to us at traffic light:

Me: "Look, Banner! A policeman! Say 'hi' to the policeman!"

Banner: "Hi!"

Me: "The police keep us safe, Banner. They drive police cars. Can you say 'thank you' for keeping us safe?"

Banner: "Tank tu!"

About this time, the light turned green. The policeman was going straight and we were turning left.

Me: "Say 'bye-bye' to the policeman, Banner."

Banner: "Buh-bye, poe-poe!"

I almost cried I was laughing so hard. We spent the next ten minutes working on the proper pronunciation of "police".


How you know you drink too much coffee: When your kid "makes" you coffee in a tea pot and "pours" you multiple cups of "mama coffee".


When something goes wrong, it cracks me up that Banner says on of the following phrases:

1.  "Oh, no!  What happen?"
2.  "Awe, Man!"
3.  "Uh oh!" (one of his first words/phrases, but never gets old)

Sassy pants.


Sunday, February 02, 2014

Too Cold To Hold…LITERALLY

Trying not to take it personally that the bottom always falls out temp wise when we run. But the 10 mile Too Cold Too Hold is in the books. It is possible that I may never be able to feel my a$$ again.


I've showered and gone to lunch, and I'm still cold.

Of course, this is probably due to the fact that today's HIGH of 40 was hit at 12:05AM.  It was in the mid 30s by race time.  According to the weather people, the wind chill was in the teens.  Which explains why those 30+ mph gusts hurt so bad - especially on the south side of the lake.  Miles 4-6 were long, slow and bitterly coooooooold.  

At least, the majority of the rain held off until after we crossed the finish line.  Thank goodness for small favors, because we had to walk home after the race.  Brrrrrrrrr...

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Who is ready for some photo overload?

Y'all.  My kid?  Is a COMPLETE ham.

We had portraits made of Banner the Saturday after his second birthday.  This sitting was actually supposed to happen last year when he turned one, but then The Plague of 2013 hit our household and we had to postpone.  We thought about trying for 18 month pictures instead, but just never got around to it.  And, well, suddenly I had a two year old.

I don't know if Banner was just making up for lost time (and pictures), but he brought his A-Game.  The photographer said two year olds are often difficult subjects, but Banner was nothing but cooperative and smiley.  Banner even overheard the photographer talking about picking a couple of his favorite toys, and ran back and grabbed Mickey, Elmo, Pooh Bear and some of his most loved books.  It was adorable and also made choosing images to print VERY difficult.  Because, OMG.  THE CUTENESS!

We also took advantage of the opportunity to FINALLY get portraits done together as a family.  I have no idea why this took two years to accomplish, but better late than never, right?

(Also, I feel a little like a fraud because my hair is down in the pictures.  That never happens.  Seriously.  It is like I don't recognize myself.)

And, well, Grammy Pammy (a.k.a. "Jeep") was babysitting that night because we were going to a party (hence the blow dried hair and attempt at makeup).  She arrived just in time to get a the world's most adorable picture with her grandson: