Banner: "Dad, do you know it's raining and froggy outside?"
(Note: He meant "foggy".)
Banner: "That was the best time riding around, dad!"
Trevor: "Then why did you whine and complain the entire time?"
Banner: "Wow! I must've eat too many green beans! My hair has really growed a lot!"
(Note: No idea why the kid thinks consuming green beans will makes his hair grow, but - who cares? He is eating a vegetable.)
Banner: "Mama, I gave Schafer a bean so her hair will grow."
Banner: "Don't worry, Schaf. I'll protect you from the storm."
Banner: "Mommy, I hit my brain with the book and it hurted."
Banner: "But everyone will be like 'where's Banner' and then they won't be able to start the movie because no one will be able to find me because I'm here in the car and not there!"
Banner: "Mom, the weather told me that there's going to be thunderstorms this weekend."
Banner: "Yeah, the weather told me."
(Note: He was right.)
Banner: "Hey! That's not a boat! That's a rhino!"
Banner: "There is good sugar and bad sugar, right mom?"
Me: "Yes, that's right."
Banner: "Fruit has good sugar. Donuts have bad sugar."
Banner: "You know what also has good sugar? Hot chocolate."
Banner: "Don't make me throw up, dad."
Banner: "Knock, knock."
Trevor: "Who is there?"
Trevor: "Things who?"
Banner: "Knock, knock."
Banner: "If no one is there, I'll need to go check another house. Okay, going to another house."
Trevor: "Okay, great. Go ask someone else."
Banner: "Knock, knock."
Trevor: "Aw, man."
Banner: "Mama gots it, dude."
Banner: "I'm daddy junior."
While watching America Ninja Warrior:
Banner: "I can be a ninja. If I can put my muscles on first."
Banner: "But I don't like consequences!"
Banner: "Daddy is making a cut shut because the other way is so long.
(Note: He meant "Shortcut".)
Banner: "Daddy! You need to tippy top so you don't wake Schafer! Tippy top!"
(Note: He meant "Tiptoe".)
Banner: "Chickens pop eggs out of their bottom. Pop!"
Me: "What did you learn about at camp today? The ocean?"
Banner: "Think we forgot to talk about the ocean again today, mom."
(Note: Camp was called "Ocean Commotion" and he had come home with a shark hat and jelly fish art project.)
Me: "So what animals live in the ocean?"
Banner: "Whales, turtles and buckets of treasure under the sand."
Banner's magic trick involves him presenting his two fists to you and asking you to point to the one with the bird in it. You point to the first fist, and he opens it. It is empty. Same thing with the other fist. When you look at him confused, he smiles and says, "See?! It's magic!"
Banner: "The shitties are twisted."
Me: "The what?"
Banner: "The shitties! But I'll fix it! I'm a strong boy!"
(Note: Shitties = Sheets)
Banner: "My shitties were upside down but I turned them back over."
Banner on Trevor's driving:
"Nice turn, dude."
Banner after peeing on a tree in the backyard:
"Okay, momma. You don't need to water this tree for awhile. It just had a lot to drink."
Banner: "I love Schafer and her chiben cheeks."
(Note: He meant "Chubby Cheeks".)
Banner: "I want daddy to read me a story. And at least Haskell can't talk."
Banner: "I want mamato soup!"
Me: "No soup for you!"
Banner: "I need glasses."
Banner: "Because I no see very well!"
Me: "Really? You seem to see okay to me!"
Banner: "No I don't because I no have the big eyes."
On why he can't pick up the little Legos:
Banner: "Schafer can see the little Legos on the floor because she has little eyes. I can't because my eyes are too big."
Me: "But I don't like it when she picks up the little Legos because she could choke or eat them."
Banner: "I know, but I lost my Joker bad guy's head. If I watch her really closely, her little eyes might find it."
Me: "Buddy, I'm going to take away your little Legos if you can't pick them up and put them away. Schafer has nearly eaten a tire and two Lego blocks in the last 20 seconds."
Banner: "But did she find Joker's head?
Banner thinks the Nike Swoop is The Flash.
While break dancing to the opening Olympic ceremonies in Rio:
"Look! I'm dancing just like them on TV."
Banner: "But mama! I thought you said you loved me."
(Note: It was time to leave the splash park.)
Banner on school uniforms:
"But mama! I wore that yesterday!"
An actual text I sent Trevor:
"Banner told me he is going to talk to his teacher and find out if he really has to wear the same thing or not everyday (good luck, buddy). He also shoved a belt in his backpack because his shorts have belt loops so he should be allowed to wear a belt. Explained that there was nothing about a belt in the handbook for PK and he argued that I really didn't know what I was talking about because 'you no a student there, mama. I am!'. Maybe he will be a lawyer one day?"
Banner: "Maybe sometimes we can buy a sellascope and look at space? You can look really far away with a sellascope, and can see the stars!"
Banner on Schafer's hunger mid-growth spurt:
"If Schafer grows up to be a kid we won't have no more food."
Banner: "Mama, I need a ba-sage please."
(Note: He meant "massage".)
Banner on girls:
"But mama! The girls beat the boys all the time! They are smarter than the boys too. It's not fair!"
Banner on aftercare:
"But mama! I wanted you pick me up the latest! Like 800!"
Me: "Wanna read this book about what little boys are made out of?"
Banner: "Mama, I already know that little boys are made of frogs!"
Banner: "Because if I don't wear my hat my ears will turn into ice pickles?"
Banner on reindeer:
"What do you call those sticks again? The ones stuck on his head? Branches?"
(Note: He meant "Antlers".)
Banner on Christmas music:
"Mama, it is not 'Feliz Navidad' is it 'fellas mommy-dad'. I know this because I speak Spanish."
And because Schafer cracks me up, too:
Schafer yells "boo" every morning when Trevor walks in her room to get her up and ready for school. To his credit, Trevor always acts surprised and exclaims, "Oh! You got me!". She thinks this is hysterical. Boo is definitely her favorite game.