2017 Kiddo Quotes

BANNER:

 

After seeing a cop car pull over a van: "I bet he got into trouble for saying too many potty words while driving."

 

Deep thoughts while on the potty:  "Are only Spanish people allowed in Chick-fil-A?"
Trevor:  "What?  No.  You've been to Chick-fil-A."
Banner:  "Yeah, but I'm learning Spanish."
Trevor:  "Those two things aren't mutually exclusive."

"Mom, pretty sure it is buddy day and I'm supposed to wear jeans, red sneakers and a fire shirt instead of my uniform."

WITHOUT prompting, ask your child(ren) these questions and write EXACTLY what they say!
Banner, age 5 and one month

 

Q:  What is something I say a lot?

A:  Weirdo

Q:  What makes me happy?

A:  When I say "I love you" to you

 

Q:  What makes me sad?

A:  When Schafer poops her diaper

Q:  How tall am I?

A:  Fifty

Q:  What's my favorite thing to do?

A:  Sit on the couch

Q:  What is my favorite food?

A:  Soup

 

Q:  What is my favorite drink?

A:  Water

Q:  If I could go anywhere, where would it be?

A:  To Tacos. Or Colorado.

 

Q:  Do you think you could live without me?

A:  No.

 

Q:  How do you annoy me?

A:  Doing bad stuff, but you still always love me.

 

Q:  What is my favorite TV show?

A:  It is a bad compliment or maybe Star Wars or paw patrol

 

Q:  What is my favorite music to listen to?

A:  Adele

 

Q:  What is my job?

A:  Put my clothes away

Q:  What is daddy's job?
A:  Daddy's job is nothing. Or maybe putting lunch away. Which is harder than nothing.

Q:  How old are you?
A:  Five 

Q:  What's your favorite color?

A:  Purple

 

Q:  How much do you love me?

A:  One hundred forty two

 

Q:  How much do you love daddy?

A:  I love daddy a ten. Or maybe a tendy eight.

Banner:  "Sometimes when I wake up from nap time I feel miserable."

Me:  "Do you even know what 'miserable' means?"
Banner:  "No. I just like saying it."

"Daddy had to go to the doctor and they had to let some bleed out of him with a noodle!"

(Bleed = Blood, Noodle = Needle)

"Mama's pinky swears don't work like daddy's."

"Jeep, I'm sending you feeling hots!"
 (Feeling Hots = Healing Thoughts)

"Remember the time I picked up a bee and put it in my underpants?"

"Mama, can you have another baby and name him 'Lady Gaga'?"

On electrocution: "Mama, you know that thing where you are a human. And then a skeleton. And then a human. And then a skeleton."

"Mama, sometimes I just want to look in the mirror and see what's in the mirror but my head is always in the way."

 

On skiing:  "I bumped my chin really hard on the beanbag."

 

Me:  "I think you look very handsome."

Banner (whispering): "Don't tell daddy that."

"Mama, you know how some people get allergic to different things?  Well, I'm only allergic to sharks."

 

On meeting someone new:  "Hi.  I am Banner. I'm five. I use the bathroom by myself."

 

On having a big belly after dinner: "I'm pregnant, right?"

 

Banner:  "Dad! The music is messing me up!"

Me: "Wow, buddy..."

Banner:  "Mom! Now you messing me up!"

"My grandmas can't do the obstacle course. They are too old."

 

Becepts = Except

 

Me:  "What did you think of the first day of summer camp?"

Banner:  "I loved it."

Me:  "What was your favorite part?"
Banner:  "I played basketball."
Me:  "But it is a super hero camp..."

Banner:  "Mom, I have to tell you something. Mikela's birthday is in five days."

Me: "Oh?"
Banner:  "Yeah, she told me. I want to get her a present. Something for grow ups. Like a watch. Or some electricity. Yeah, electricity. I just worry bc I don't want to "electric" myself getting it for her. Also, maybe you and dad can get another babysitter so you can go to her birthday party at pump it up."

Pat-er-in = Pattern

Dos it = Does it

Pill-llano = Piano

 

Me: "Did you toot?"

Banner: "Nope, that's just my sunscreen."

On cockroaches:  "I love cockroaches. They are my friends. I just want to hold them. That cockroach I held at camp was a cool guy."

"Mama, this is true: when your house explodes, your toys do too."

 

Trevor on saying goodnight prayers with Banner: "We just prayed to Santa Claus to bring him presents."

On driving with his family: "I'm just going to listen to the view and ignore people."

 

On grocery shopping:  "Mama, are we going to go to the tom foot or the store with the free samples?"

 

On driving around town:  "Hey, look! A van. Wonder where it came from? I’m thinking probably San Diego."

 

SCHAFER:

 

On Trevor offering her waffles:  "No. stop. Be nice."

 

"Sad, sad, mama."

Me: I love you so much!

Schaf: I love you, too.
(I almost died) 4/21/17

Airplanes = Pains

 

Cocks = Socks 

"Jeep? Where go?"

During her Adele phase:  "Hello. It's me."

"Wook, Mom! Dis has pink in it! And dis! And dis! PINK!"

No nuts = Doughnuts in Schafer

"LET IT GO!  LET IT GO!  LET IT GO!"
[Turns on Let It Go]
"No!  NO!  NO LET IT GO!
[Turns off Let It Go]
Wailing:  "LET IT GOOOOO!  ELSA!  LET IT GO!"
[Turns on Let It Go]
"NO!  NO LET IT GOOOOOOO!"

 

Crying hysterically to her teacher:  "Alice poop in my pants!!"
Ms. Tara:  "Alice pooped her pants?"
Schafer:  "No, Alice poop in Shaper's pants!  No nice, Alice!  Sad, sad!"
(Schafer pooped her own pants, but blamed Alice.  Alice was confused why Schaf was suddenly mad at her.  Ms. Tara couldn't stop laughing.)

Me:  "Schaf can I brush your hair?"
Schafer:  "No, you brush your own hair!"

Schafer:  "Mama, I want milk."
Me:  "What do you say?"
Schafer turns slowly to me on the couch, leans in close, gently cups my cheek with her hand, looks me straight in the eye and whispers:  "Mama, I want some milk."

"I goin' on a lion hunt.  Got my bi-noc-cool-ares."

"Jones bite." 

Gac-A-Know-Lee = Guacamole

THE HOLIDAYS WITH BANNER AND SCHAFER: 

 

Christmas Eve: Banner, armed with a pen, decides to label his bathroom sink and cabinet as his own.

Boxing Day: the 2yo learns to remove her sleep sack, pants, and diaper and celebrates by screaming like a banshee for an hour past her bedtime.