Friday, June 16, 2006

Blondes in the city…

My little sister (a.k.a. The Runt) is a blonde. So is her roommate, Melissa.

Earlier this week, the two of them went to Northpark Shopping Center to check out the brand new section of the mall, which recently opened at the beginning of the month.

See picture below:

Please note that the new section of Northpark now means that the mall is shaped like a square (as illustrated by the pink dotted line). Previously, the mall formed a "C" or "J" shape, as seen below (shaded in blue):

Prior to the opening of the new section of the mall, shopping at Northpark required quite a bit of backtracking. Typically, I’d always try to park near Dillard’s, because of its central location to both “wings” of the complex. Now, however, it is possible to park anywhere and walk the mall in a circle (or square) – no backtracking required. Much more convenient (and logical), if you ask me.

It is important to mention that I haven’t actually visited the latest section of the Northpark, yet. However, I have been to the mall (several times, actually) since they broke ground a year and a half ago, and – since my grandmother lives in close proximity to Northpark – have witnessed the construction in all stages. Consequently, it was obvious to me FROM THE BEGINNING that the mall would one day be connected (therefore, turning the mall’s "C"/"J" shape into a much more shopping-efficient square/circular shopping experience).

Yet, this realization wasn’t obvious to everyone (i.e. my sister and Melissa).

When the blonde bombshells ventured into Northpark earlier this week, they parked over near Nieman Marcus and made an immediate beeline in the direction of the brand new section of the mall – all excited about checking out the latest stores, food court and movie theater complex located there. Melissa was especially excited about the new pretzel shop. Apparently, they pass out free samples, which is something that all starving college students (especially those with "emergency" Nieman Marcus cards) find appealing.

After seeing all they could see of the new part of the mall, the blonde duo decided that their shopping excursion wasn’t over yet, and, consequently, continued on towards the older part of Northpark to check out the “new” JCrew (by “new” I mean that the store was “new” to the space, not to the mall. JCrew had just moved from a smaller space on the other side of the mall near Neiman’s, to a larger space over near Foley’s). From there, the Runt and Melissa passed by Dillard’s on their way to Express and Sephora.

To give all of you (who may not be familiar with Northpark Center) a visual, this is what their route (shown below in red) looked like up to this point:

After visiting Sephora, the girls decided that they had had enough of shopping for one day. Their purchases of so many new, cute things had them quite weighed down, you see, and my sister was starting to get a cramp in her arm form carrying around so many bags.

Obviously, the quickest and easiest way back to my sister’s car was to do the following (shown in green):

After all, that was the most logical way to exit the mall considering the location of my sister’s Montero. However, we are talking about two blondes here, thus, logic – sadly – doesn’t enter into the equation.

Therefore, with something that can only be described as “blonde reasoning”, my sister and Melissa rationalized the following:

When visiting Northpark in the past, we’ve always had to retrace our steps to get back to the car – thus, it only makes sense that we should still have to do it now.

So, even though they had no reason to go back the way they came (except that they always had done it this way before), the pair proceeded to walk back to the car the same way that they had come in. The LONG way. Neither one of them ever stopped to consider that there was another way out, even though they had both been in the old part of Northpark a million times (and could see Niemen’s from where they were standing in front of Sephora).

Apparently, it only dawned on the Runt and Melissa that they could have exited the mall much more expeditiously while dining with me later on that evening. After hearing about their shopping trip, I couldn’t help but inquire as to the reason why the two didn’t simply walk the short way from Sephora to Nieman’s (instead of retracing their steps around ¾ of the mall). After a long pause, my sister looked at me and said, “Ooh, yeah! We could have done that, couldn’t we?” She then looked across the table at Melissa (as if to say, “Now, why didn’t WE think of that?”) before they both burst into hysterical laughter.

I’m starting to wonder how they are able to navigate their way around their own apartment without getting lost…


Below is a quote from Melissa reprimanding me for leaving part of the story out (NOTE: Had I known
about the following, it never (EVER) would have been left out of the original text, believe me):

Melissa: "Ohh and you didn't mention how we thought there was two Neiman’s since we went around and didn't realize it was a square. Get the story right!"

*Sigh* Blondes


jes said...

I venture to the new section frequently because Papyrus is located there now. It's so hard for me and my wallet to stay out of all the new stores!

The Runt said...

LIES! ALL LIES! You probably misunderstood what I said, and when you questioned us about it I couldn't understand you said and simply replied with, "Helen Keller?!?"

Deals On Wheels said...

Jes: Ooooh...Papyrus! I love that store!

Pee-Wee: Right...because THAT'S rational. Oh, wait - NO, it isn't! Normal people, when they don't understand something that is said, don't respond with, "What? Helen Keller?" Only you do that. You're special. You get lost in shopping malls, have "problems" that no one on earth can relate to, spell things...differently, etc. While learning to drive, you managed to maneuver the car into the side of the ranch house because your legs were "suddenly" too short to reach the brake. Being you must take a special kind of "talent". How you've managed to survive this long is a complete and utter mystery!


Melissa said...

you spelled neimans wrong twice! ohh and we go back around the mall for some finally shopping and because we arent lazy and we need to get the exercise! ohh and you didnt mention how we thought there was two neimans since we went around and didnt realize it was a square. get the story right!

JLR said...

Wait, you thought that there were two neimans? Dude, I would not point that out. On the other hand, I don't think I'd realized that they had completely finished connecting up all the parts yet, so I probably also would have retraced my steps.

Amstaff Mom said...

Wow. I haven't been to the "new" Northpark yet, but I've been to the old one enough to know recognize the old from the new and know how to exit the mall.

Incidentally, I always park at Dillard's too. In the underground, by the Men's section.

I miss "my" mall. It's just too far now.

Poor runt and Melissa.

The Runt said...


Lia said...

Wonderful story! As the only brunette in a family of blondes, I fully appreciate the situation.

Katie said...



HEY I'm blonde what are you saying?

Yet, I am an "older" blonde and we seem to grow out of our blondeness with time.

Deals On Wheels said...

I used to be blonde - a toe-head actually. But then I got older and my hair slowly turned to this light brown color with random pieces of red in it (that only seem to show up outside and in photographs). I have these really light hunks of hair around my face, but they never get any credit because my hair is currently too long to do anything with except put in a ponytail or braid (you see the light hunks a lot better when my hair is down). Last time I hacked it off, though, people thought I had my hair lightened, too. I didn't, and I'm guessing it just looked that way because I was wearing it down and the highlights (natural) were finally able to shine through.

Deals On Wheels said...

...and, Katie, you maybe "blonde" but cannot really, really be blonde until you get lost in a mall...

Sydney said...

That's funny..... At lest they made it out!!! he he he

Katie said...

Yipee, I have never been lost in a mall (hold that let me think back . . . . . nope, lost in some other areas but never a mall). Wait does this mean I have to give my blonde card back? Will my hair suddenly change to Anne Shirley red as I always wanted as a kid? Will devil-worshippers looking for a virgin sacrifice suddenly pass me and my blonde hair and light eyes looking for those poor mall-lost souls to offer up as a sacrifice? Will I have less fun now that I am officially not an blonde?

Maybe I need to go get lost in a mall, I'm not sure I want to give all that up. So what's your sister doing this weekend, I may need a mall guide to re-claim my blonde status.

Deals On Wheels said...

Katie: HAHAHAHAHA! I'll ask her tonight!