Overshare Theater: Preggo Panties...

Because pregnancy has done away with my internal filter and ability to avoid all things considered "TMI", I offer the following review of my new maternity underwear:

I was finally forced into ordering a few pairs of preggo panties a couple of weeks ago for several important reasons:

1. I kept pulling my regular underwear up in front as my baby beer gut developed. At first, this didn't change the way the undies fit overall, but eventually a significant portion of my backside started to be exposed as more material was needed up front. This left me feeling like a plumber. A fat a$$ pregnant plumber.



2. I was sick and tired of the random panty line where the top of my bikini briefs ended underneath the waist band of my maternity jeans.



3. My old undies started to roll down in the front. This was A) not comfortable; and B) not attractive as it made said abdominal panty line more pronounced.

So, I took the plunge and ordered knocked up undergarments to match my size F granny bras.

I got pairs with lacy bits at the top. This helped eliminate the abdominal panty line, which was definitely a small victory in the world of dear, ole pregnant me.

In fact, the only real drawback to the new undies is when I go to the gym to workout.

See, my new preggo panties are a little big. This is mostly due to the fact that my belly still isn't really a belly as much as it is a fat roll. Hence, there is a tad too much extra material in my gym shorts and, as a result, my new undies are now the cause of the world's worst workout wedgie.

Seriously, there is no wiggling or discrete jiggling that is going to get those bad boys to release from where the sun don't shine. I have physically relocate to the bathroom to right the situation. It is just plain awful.

[This is where I would expand on my wedgie description, but I am pretty sure no one wants to read that.]

So, there you have it. Preggo panties get rid of the abdominal panty line issue, fit nicely and are very comfortable. Save for the gym. And then all bets are off.

The End.

Yet another episode of Overshare Theater...

Things I’ve noticed that may or may not be related to The Fetus:

1. I’ve always hated blackberries until I became pregnant. Now I crave them.



2. I seem to have developed an aversion to some of my favorite foods, including shrimp and peanut butter. But I dream about sushi and almond butter. Ohmygoodnesstheyaresogood! I’ve been fond of sushi for awhile now, but almond butter is something completely new.



3. I am myopic and wear glasses when I drive. Normally, I can’t see far away without them, and always put them on when I get into the car. Well, until recently. I suddenly noticed that I was doing an awful lot of driving without them – without even realizing it. Stranger still, my glasses don’t seem to be making nearly as much as a difference as they usually do. Almost as if my eyesight was partially corrected overnight a month or so ago. It is the strangest thing.



4. I am usually a night owl, but if I am in any way stationary at 10:30 PM, I will fall asleep. It is almost as if I suddenly have an off switch. On the flip side, I am finding it increasingly difficult to sleep past 9 AM on the weekends.



5. I am not sweating like I usually do, especially at the gym. Normally, I am completely saturated after an hour or so of cardio and heavy lifting. No longer the case. This isn’t to say that I am void of sweat at the end of a workout. There is just a significant difference, and I no longer have to change my shirt just to drive home.



6. Summer is usually my favorite season (yes, even in Texas). But this year, I am not tolerating the heat well at all. Maybe it is because I’m not allowed to have any frozen margaritas this year, or maybe it has more to do with the decrease in my ability to sweat like usual. All I know is that the heat makes me dizzy, and nothing will cure it except being completely still for an hour or more in a dark, cool room. Getting into a hot car at the end of the day exacerbates this to the nine millionth degree.



7. Pregnancy makes me long for other pregnant friends. Especially pregnant friends in Dallas that are due around the same time. And, again, I’m not above shenanigans like THIS.



8. Pregnancy also makes it pretty clear pretty fast who your real friends are. Nothing quite like finding out from three different friends on three completely unrelated and separate occasions about other “friends” who are talking behind your back. Seriously, people? If you are upset that we don’t hang out as much anymore, maybe it is because I need your negativity like I need a brick in the face. See if talking about me makes that any less true.



9. I seem…gassier. This is really helping my sex appeal. Last week I stepped out of the shower and farted. Trevor thought this was hysterical. I was MORTIFIED. Pregnancy should come with a warning label: “May pass gas involuntarily and without warning”. So. Not. Cool.



10. I get so thirsty. Especially in the evenings. Twice in the last week, I have consumed so much water that I felt physically ill. And, even then, I was still thirsty. Worst part about it is that the excess water either never leaves my body (and I am waddling around like a human water balloon) or it waits until the overnight hours to filter through. And as much as I enjoy peeing every twenty minutes, I’d rather be sleeping.



11. My skin seems greasier but clearer. I find myself washing my face more often to get rid of the glare. Normally, this would dry my face out, but my oil glands seem to be working on overtime lately. This would irritate me if it interfered with my complexion, but (so far) that isn’t the case. I keep reading about pregnant women whose skin reverts back to the teenage years, so I am counting my blessings.



12. Hair seems to be growing in places where no hair has grown before.



13. Nothing sounds more disgusting to me than broccoli. But, baby, bring ON the spinach.



14. Chicken tastes blah. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich last week and ate less than half of the meat. Meanwhile, turkey is fantastic. Especially a turkey sandwich with tomatoes, extra pickles, Dijon mustard and avocado on rye-pumpernickel swirl bread. Be still my heart!



15. I still don’t like onions. This upsets Trevor. There isn’t a power in the world strong enough to make me like (much less crave) that kind of nastiness. And, if you ate onions in the last twenty four hours, don’t even TRY to pretend that you didn’t. I can tell. Same goes for garlic (shudder).

In other news, this morning I spied a white nose hair. WTF? I don’t think I would have noticed it except the light caught it just right and it shone like a flippin' beacon. Three minutes (and a lot of sneezing later) I had the little sucker yanked out by the root where I confirmed that, yes, it really was completely white.

What kind of stressed out do you have to be to develop WHITE nose hair? This seems like a whole new kind of low – even for me. Maybe this is a sign that I need to return to yoga or invest in a nice long massage? I feel like I need a plan. I intend to start dying my hair whenever the white hairs on my head begin to outnumber the number of brown ones. But can you dye your nose hair? Is that even possible? Because I see all those segments on the Today Show about how so-an-so’s face looks young, but his/her hands and/or neck reveal their true age. If that is the case, all anyone would have to do is look up my nose. Sounds ridiculous until you remember that I am tall, so looking up at me (and my nose) is a real possibility.

So, yeah. Basically, I’m screwed.