Chickens...

My aunt came to visit from California. She is nice enough, but is known around the family for being...how do I put this...not the brightest crayon in the box.

For example, about five years ago, I was on a family vacation in Spain with my mother, grandmother and aunt. When we got to Barcelona, my mother decided that it would be nice for all of us to take a bus tour of the city. On this tour, we passed by a statue of Christopher Columbus. Columbus, in the statue, was pointing in the direction that he was going to sail in 1492 to find India and China.

My aunt, in all seriousness, raised her hand and asked the tour guide, "Well, was Columbus successful?"

The bus tour was filled with American tourists, and we all got really, really quiet. My grandmother finally leaned over and whispered in her ear, "He discovered America". To which my aunt replied, "Oh, really? I thought Washington did that."

So, yeah, she's kind of like that.

Anyway, Wednesday night at dinner we were all chatting away, and my aunt starts talking about Shaquille O'Neal. Apparently, Shaq stayed at Jenny Craig's beach house and his "posse" trashed the place (my aunt knows this because she plays tennis with Jenny Craig's daughter. She doesn't play tennis with Ms. So-and-So, who just happens to be the daughter of Jenny Craig. No, no. She plays tennis WITH Jenny Craig's daughter, who has no other identity outside of being the so-called daughter of Jenny Craig. But, I digress...).

Now, my aunt is also one of those almost-fifty-somethings that is quasi-obsessed with staying trendy and young. She prides herself on the fact that she's all hip-and-with-it and "down" with the teenage lingo. She was SO proud of herself for knowing:

A) Who Shaq was (except she called him "Shaq O'Neal" instead of either "Shaq" or "Shaquille O'Neal", but whatever...)

B) Knowing that Shaq takes an entourage with him when he travels

C) That Shaq's entourage would qualify as a "posse"

My uncle - in an effort to prove that he too was familiar with teenage semantics - commented, "So, Shaq's 'peeps' trashed the joint, did they?"

My aunt quickly shot back, "No. His 'posse' trashed it. He didn't bring any chickens with him. At least none that I am aware of, anyway."

"No. Not 'peeps', like chickens. 'Peeps', like people," I tried to explain.

To which my aunt responded, "Oh, so you mean like black chickens, then?!"

So, yeah, it was a long night...