Stupid bird...

Okay, there is an extremely confused Mockingbird that is currently residing in the pecan tree in my front yard.

Last night, he apparently felt inspired to start singing at one in the morning. Why?...yeah, no clue. But sang he did at the very top of his tiny, little birdie lungs all freakin’ night.

Now, the Mockingbird is called a Mockingbird for a reason. They are not creative birds, and do not feel compelled to come up with their own unique song. Oh, no, no. That would require effort. Instead the Mockingbird just plagiarizes (or "mocks") the calls of other birds. Some may think this is neat. I find it pathetic.

The Mockingbird in my front yard has definitely done his homework...errrr..."copying". He has memorized twenty-three individual birdcalls. How do I know this, you ask?...Because I counted. It isn’t hard. The little fellow has got his birdie playlist on "repeat". He doesn’t even feel the need to switch up the order. My favorite part of his repertoire is somewhere in the middle when the calls start to sound vaguely like a car alarm. You know..."Honk, Honk, Honk! Beep, Beep, Beep! Do-Dee! Do-Dee! Woo-ooo-Woo-ooo-Woo!"? It’s kind of like that (except more like a bird, and less like a vehicular burglary).

Anyway, the idiotic Mockingbird would not shut up last night. He sang for hours. At one point my crazy-but-sweet neighbor came outside and tried to reason with the noisy, little booger. Through my bedroom window I heard him say, "Now, what do you think you're doing?...Huh? It isn't like it's morning or anything! You need to stop - people are trying to sleep here!" The Mockingbird, however, ignored my neighbor's pleas and just kept on singing. Defeated, I heard my neighbor say, "Stupid bird," before going back into his house and slamming the door.

Somewhere around three in the morning I started to wonder if it was illegal to kill a Mockingbird in the state of Texas...or at least put a gag on one. It IS the state bird and all. I'm guessing it is since it's (apparently) illegal to pick, sit on or otherwise physically or emotionally harass a bluebonnet. Stupid state symbols. Boo! I'm pretty sure that bluebonnets are considered "weeds" in other places. Yes, they are pretty. I'm not debating that. I also think dandelions are pretty, but no one would consider it a crime to pick one of those. In fact, people chemically engineer products to specifically rid their yards and gardens of that particular “wildflower”. I hope that the dandelion is the state flower of somewhere. It only seems fair…

Wait. Where was I? Oh, yes…the mixed up Mockingbird.

Yeah, so he must have cracked his eggshell before he hatched or something. That bird just isn’t right. Oh, and just so you know, he’s back tonight – just singing away like he has an audience that doesn’t hate him or something. It might be the lack of sleep, but I’m seriously starting to wonder why the other birds don’t just gang up and beat some sense into him. My neighbor already tried reasoning with him, and a solution could not be reached diplomatically. Obviously, further – and deliberate – action is needed if I am EVER GOING TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE!

AGGGHHHHHH!!

Anyway, that’s all.

(Stupid, dumb bird)