Not once have I ever connected so with an email forward before. It’s almost like the email’s original author used MY office as his/her “inspiration”.
It’s amazing (and somewhat uncanny) how dead on it is. I’ve either: A) thought these things at the office before, or B) heard someone say these things at the office before.
Seriously…Goosebumps. I have Goosebumps.
Anyway, it was too good not to share. I was even inspired to add on to the list at the bottom. Enjoy…
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a d*mn word you're saying.
- Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a d*mn.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- And your crybaby whiny-a**ed opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder... my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
- Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
Things I’d like to add to the list. No one but RR (and maybe Melissa) will find humor in them, but – as they say - it’s cheaper than therapy:
- Uhmmm, you know I can hear you, right?
- I would like to counter the notion that what I do isn’t labor intensive.
- Because I have nothing better to do than sneak soda down to your end of the building and hide it in the fridge with all the negatives.
- If I was intending to get you in trouble, I’d totally seek out someone better than the woman in charge of reconfiguring the ADA building accessibility.
- You know I work in a city maintained building, right? And you’re surprised nothing works?!
- It’s the City of Dallas. We do things half a**ed here.
- What exactly, if anything, do you do here?
- No, that’s normal. That wall shakes whenever someone flushes a toilet.
- Well, I guess that’s not the worst idea in the world.
- Was your graduate school accredited?
- Did he just refer to himself as our “Daddy”?
- I hate the world. I know I always say that, but I mean it this time.
- This can’t end well…
- Ever notice how morale increases exponentially when he leaves on an extended vacation?
- Wait. He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
- So, what you’re saying is…I cannot have $30 to help market my programs, but he gets to take an all expenses paid trip to a learn-how-to-take-your-boss’s-job-conference in Arizona?!
- Am I missing something here?
- What, exactly, did women contribute to history prior to the 1920s, anyway? They didn’t even have the vote yet.
- Where is everyone today? Oh, right…[the boss] is out of the office.
- Obviously. I work late because I can’t manage my time.
Sigh. I think I need a new job...
5 comments:
I think your list is better than their list.
giggle, giggle
If I remember correctly, your item number 9 was said to me in a staff meeting.
You could add to this list:
"I don't know how to make you understand this: It's not that I'm unwilling to do it, it's that it's physically impossible to do."
And
"You should consider learning what [insert big word here] means before using it in a sentence."
Yes, I added in #9 purely for your benefit. What a jerk...
I'm pleased to report that I haven't totally lost my youthful idealism. I've only thought some of these things.
Your list is just as good as the other one. I have too many identifications here for it to be good. And I just gave up on looking for a new job.
My contibution: "Five minutes before quitting time is really not the best time to start sharing with me the secrets of the universe. But thanks for your interest."
Classic Deals, Classic.
I can hear the sarcasm dripping from here.
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