At which point we learn that I am still a moron when it comes to technology...

Last night Trevor and I finally got around to watching ALICE IN WONDERLAND in 3-D on the new TV. I don’t know why it has taken so long. After all, we’ve had the TV since February.

And, to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t all that impressed.

It wasn't the movie. The movie was fine. Much better than I expected, which is really saying something since the idea of Johnny Depp with red hair and green eyes makes me rather nauseous.

Have I mentioned that I am afraid of clowns?

Of course, it took me awhile to figure out that this particular movie was a continuation of the original tale of Alice in Wonderland. I kept thinking to myself, “How old was Alice in the book? I could have sworn she was a little girl. But she’s, like, 20 here. And about to get engaged. To some redheaded guy named ‘Hamish’. I am sure I would remember a name like ‘Hamish’. Was that character really part of the story? Could I have remembered the story THAT wrong? It has been a long time. Maybe Alice gets smaller AND younger when she falls down the rabbit hole? Hmmmmm. Maybe I should I ask Trevor? No, no he’d just make fun of me, and say something sarcastic like, ‘weren’t you an English major in college’ or something…”

This eternal dialogue went on for at least forty-five minutes.

I finally figured out that this was sequel when Alice made it to the Mad Hatter’s tea party and it was completely devoid of a discussion of “Unbirthdays”. Not that unbirthdays were a part of the original Lewis Carroll tale, but, boy, were they ever part of that old 1950s cartoon by Disney. “A very merry unbirthday to you! To who? To me? Oh, you!” For someone with a summer birthday, the idea of an unbirthday was tres exciting.

But, yeah. No unbirthdays in the Johnny Depp version. Despite that, and the weird almost-romance between Alice and the Mad Hatter (um, ew), though, the story was pretty decent.

No, no. I wasn't disappointed in the movie. I was disappointed in the 3D.

For more than half of the film, nothing seemed to pop. It was just flat, and well…all regular D. And a little out of focus. Not so much that I couldn’t follow the story, but enough that I noticed it and it was making me feel a little dizzy.

I initially decided not to ask Trevor about the sucky 3D, because – among other things – I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I could tell that he thought the 3D was amazing, and was in total awe of watching Alice walk through the toadstool forest. But the longer I watched, the more frustrated I grew. We paid a lot of money for this bleeping TV, and it was supposed to play things in 3D! Granted, there was rarely a need to watch the blooming thing in 3D, but that wasn’t an excuse for the 3D to disappoint when you actually got around to wanting to experience it and all. Plus, the stupid glasses pinch your nose. If you are going to suffer around with something, it best be worth it!

So, finally, bubbling over in frustration and buyers remorse, I turned to Trevor and said, “Does this really look 3D to you?”

Trevor: “Why? Can’t you see it?”

Me: “To be honest, not really.”

Trevor: “You turned the glasses on right?”

Me: “[Long pause] What do you mean by ‘turn the glasses on’?”

That would be the moment I learned that the silly, nose pinching 3D glasses have an on/off switch.

And, yes. Once on the 3D glasses were turned on, the picture really was quite exceptional. Mesmerizing actually.

So basically I am still an idiot. Oh, joy.

(Stupid technology)