Y'all. I am so behind. Again. It is like the theme of my life. I'm always thinking I'm going to try to write these short, witty posts about...whatever. And then I realize that nothing about my life is remotely witty (if only!) and I am apparently incapable of keeping even the shortest story...well, short.
We have stopped duct taping Banner into his diaper for three reasons:
1. It wasn't working. He is a determined little booger with biceps of steel. I watched him rip his diaper off one morning on the baby monitor like a little, blonde Incredible Hulk. It was simultaneously terrifying and impressive.
2. The heat from his body coupled with the, uh, "moisture" from the diaper had a temporary tattoo effect on Banner's skin. Twenty two months is too young to have Captain America inked on your hip.
3. My husband is brilliant and realized that Banner couldn't access his diaper to begin with if we simply...wait for it, wait for it...put his sleep sack on backwards. Seriously, why did we not think of that in the first place?
The only problem is that Banner has already started trying to get of it. No success yet, but it only took him two days to figure out how to unzip the backwards sleep sack halfway. I may have given birth to the next Harry Houdini.
In other news, Banner has become suuuuuuper opinionated about the most bizarre things. Like socks. And what he will and will not eat for breakfast. I honestly don't mind. I just wish I knew which pair of socks he will wear, or why he suddenly hates all things waffle, squeezie and anything defined as "cracker" (a.k.a. his usual favorites).
Mostly everything about the irrational toddler phase cracks me up, because, really? What can you do? But then there are the mornings when you turn around for thirty seconds to grab a yogurt from the fridge and fill up an empty sippy cup, and completely miss the fact that your son has just taken off the "problem" socks in protest (along with his sneakers) and neatly placed them on the lower level of the baker's rack in the kitchen.
Which is how MY kid ended up at school on Tuesday completely barefooted.
(Worst mother ev-ver.)
Luckily, I had an extra pair of socks in the car, and the class had no outdoor plans. Because the museum's largest fundraiser of the year was on Tuesday, and The Great Sock Crisis of November 12th, 2013 already had me running behind. There was simply no time to run home for a pair of shoes. Even if we were scheduled to get our first hard freeze.
(Because why wouldn't all this coincide with the arrival of an Artic blast?)
As I left Banner's class, I kissed my favorite little mess on the forehead and told him to try to be a little less irrational. You know, for his teachers' sake. A dad overheard me in the hallway and laughed.
Dad: "He is...what? Two?"
Dad: "Well, if you think the twos are bad, just wait until you get to the effing threes."
Awesome. Even more irrational greatness to look forward to. I may use some of the extra Avengers-themed duct tape to hide an emergency pair of shoes and socks on the underside of Banner's car seat.