Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Banner shorts...

When:  March.
Where:  Day Care.  Pickup.
Why:  Because I discovered Banner in time out.

Me:  "Uh-oh, Ban.  Why are you in time out?"
Bianca:  "He got mad at his friend and hit her."
Me:  "Now, Banner.  You know you are not supposed to hit!"
Banner:  "Bite?"
Me:  "No.  We don't bite them either."
Banner:  {frustrated sigh}

When:  Last month.
Where:  Banner's bedroom.
Why:  Because the band-aid on his finger had disappeared.

Me:  "What's wrong, buddy?  It is night-night time."
Banner:  "Band-aid gone."
Me:  "Where did it go?"
Banner:  "I ate it."
In my mind:  "Sh*t."

(I found it on the floor the next morning, so he didn't actually eat it.)

When:  Early April.
Where:  Ranch.
Why:  Because Trevor took Banner's penny away and hid it in his pocket.

Trevor:  "Where is your penny?"
Banner:  "Where?!"
Trevor:  "What happened?"
Banner:  "Ban-na had a penny.  Now penny gone."

When:  Four weeks ago.
Where:  Day Care.  Pick up.
Why:  Because he was so excited about it.

Banner:  "Mama!  Mama!  I listen!  I listen!"
Me:  "Wow!  Good job, buddy!"
Teacher:  "Yeah.  Once."
Me: [Laughing] "Well, we all have to start somewhere, don't we?!"

When:  Two weeks ago.
Where:  The dog run.
Why:  Because I was picking up dog poop.

Banner:  "Whatcha doin', mommy?"
Me:  "Picking up the doggies poo-poo."
Banner:  "Poo-poo nasty."
Me:  "Yes.  Poo-poo IS nasty."
Banner:  [Shrugging]  "Poo-poo happens."

When:  Three weeks ago.
Where:  Day Care.  Drop off.
Why:  Because the kids were counting to twelve.

Banner:  "One.  Two.  Chicken.  Nine."
Me (to teacher):  "So, uh.  Have you heard Banner count?"
Teacher:  "Yeah.  He's funny.  He consolidates."
Me:  "Who knew 'chicken' had so many uses:  food, insult, the numbers three through eight..."

Counting with the word "chicken" 
(Complete with nose picking...sigh)

When:  Two weeks ago.
Where:  His crib.
Why:  Because he was awake and I wasn't.

Banner:  "MAMA! UP!"
Me:  "Mama's sleeping!"
Banner:  "Oh!  [Whispering] Mama's sleepin'.  [Mimics snoring sounds]"

When:  Early May.
Where:  Banner's room.
Why:  Because Banner loves this game where he sings "[Insert name, insert name] I like that name!"

Banner:  "Daddy! Daddy!  I like that name!  Mommy!  Mommy!  I like that name!  Alley!  Alley!  I like that name!"


"Daddy, who dat's name?"

Trevor:  [Looking around the room]  "What's who's name?"
Banner:  [Pointing.  At an invisible someone.]  "Dem.  What's der name?"
Trevor:  "Buddy, there is no one there."
Banner:  [Continues to stare and point at no one.]
Trevor:  "Okay, you are creeping me out.  We gotta' go."

When:  Ten days ago.
Where:  Home.
Why:  Because his tummy hurt after drinking ALL the milk.

Banner:  "My tummy hurts."
Trevor:  "Oh, no.  Want to go tell mommy?"
Banner:  "Okay.  Mommy my tummy hurts!"
Me:  "Poor ba..."
Me:  "Oh, my!"
Banner:  [Laughing hysterically] "I burp!"
Trevor:  "Wow.  Do you feel better?"
Banner: "Yeah!  I feel better!"

When:  Last weekend.
Where:  At the ranch.
Why:  Because I was curious if he knew the answer.

Me:  "Where do you live, Banner? Do you live in Texas?"
Banner:  "No. I live at Banners house!"
Me:  "Fair enough."

When:  Friday night.
Where:  On the way to dinner.
Why:  I don't know.  It was sweet, though.

Banner:  "Mommy pretty!"
Me:  "Awe! Thank you, Banner!"
Trevor:  "Is daddy pretty?"
Banner:  "Nuh-uh. Daddy no pretty."

When:  Sunday.
Where:  Home.
Why:  Because Trevor wanted to know how breakfast was.

Trevor:  "Banner, how's your waffle?"
Banner:  "It is delicious!"
Trevor:  "Did you just say 'delicious'?"
Banner:  "Yeah!  Delicious!"

When:  Monday.
Where:  Home.
Why:  Because Trevor is going on a trip soon and we are trying to prepare Banner.

Trevor:  "I'm going to Canada soon. Banner is going to stay home with mommy."
Banner:  "No!"
Trevor:  "What is it buddy?"
Banner:  "Canada...me too!"
Trevor:  "You want to go to Canada?"
Banner:  "Yeah.  Me too.  Banner go Canada."

When:  Whenever we need to change his diaper.
Where:  Wherever.
Why:  Because he doesn't want his diaper changed.

Trevor:  "Let's go get a new pull-up."
Banner:  "No, I fine!"

When:  Dinnertime.
Where:  Home.
Why:  Because we try to involve him in the "what's for dinner" conversation whenever possible.

Trevor:  "What do you want for dinner?  Chicken?  Hummus? Banana?"
Banner:  "Ice cream."
Trevor:  "No, buddy.  That's not how this works."
Banner:  "I want ice cream dinner."

When:  Whenever it storms.
Where:  School.
Why:  Because, at two, he is already a master manipulator.

Banner:  [Running at inside door to the playground while laughing hysterically] "BOOM!"

Meanwhile at home...

Storm:  "BOOM!"
Banner:  "Oh, no!  I scared!  Thunder scary!"

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