Saturday, May 23, 2015

For example...

An example of what happens at meal time: The kid writes "tickets" all the time, and loves asking people questions and scribbling things down like he is taking notes. If he grows up to be a cop or reporter, I won't be surprised.

An example of something he learned exclusively from his father: "Daddy, I stepped on a frog with my butt."

An example of what other mom's think of my kid: "Hey, Trev? Just got a text message from Charlie's mom asking if Banner has shoes other than crocs and rain boots. I'm going to go with 'our kid is a trendsetter' instead of the 'thanks to YOUR kid, my kid will only wear crocs and rain boots' shame that is most likely being implied here."

An example of the types of questions my kid asks me that have no answer: "Yes, mommy, but what does this graham cracker MEAN?! I just want to know!"

An example of how I frequently find myself having two way conversations with my son's internal organs: "Mama! My tummy says hi to you! You have to say 'hi' back or it rude."

An example of what we talk about in the car:

Me: "Who is the best superhero?"
Banner: "Charlie!"
Me: "Your friend Charlie is better than the Hulk, Thor and Spider-Man?"
Banner: "Yeah."
Me: "Why?"
Banner: "Because Charlie listens to me when no one else will."
Me: "Okay, fair enough. But what about Captain America?"
Banner: "[Exasperated...] Mama, Captain America only has a white belt. My white belt has an orange stripe."

An example of what happens if I sing in the car: "Mama, I sorry but you not a very good singer."
(Banner, on the other hand, sings in the car AND shower.)

An example of my kid's humility:
Me: "Thanks for being such a good helper this morning and listening to mommy!"
Banner: "It's because I awesome!"

An example of my kid's irrational fears: Banner suddenly refuses to wear his crocs to school because ants might crawl in the holes while he is playing on the Big Boy Playground, and bite his toes. He will, however, wear them anywhere else.

An example of where I stand:
Me: "I love you so much, buddy."
Banner: "Thanks."

An example of what Banner thinks of my wardrobe choices:
Banner: "I thought you said you were wearing a dress today."
Me: "No, I said I was going to get dressed."
Banner: "Oh. [Disappointed...] You must really like jeans."
Me: "I do! They are super comfy."
Banner: "[Audible sigh] Too bad jeans aren't as pretty as dresses, huh, mommy."

An example of how Banner is more like his father than me: He asked for bacon for dessert.

An example of why I shouldn't disclose too much information in the morning when he is feeling particularly "helpful": Banner applied shampoo and lotion to the back of his head after I mentioned to him in passing that I wanted to put some leave in conditioner in his hair and give it a good brush before we left for school. I did my best to get it out with a wet washcloth and then put a hat on his head.

No idea why he looks like a mini Eminem here.

An example of why mama (occasionally) still has it:  Banner told me that Thor was a girl just like me.  Not really sure what he was implying but choosing to believe he was saying that his mom is totally kick a$$ just like the Norse God of lightening and thunder.  Because, obviously.

An example of why a consistent early bedtime is a good thing for my kid: Otherwise the chances of him waking up EVEN EARLIER than usual is increased by 150%. Which, of course, leads directly into a meltdown of epic irrationality before 7 AM, refusal to complete even the simplest of tasks because you looked in his general direction ("Don't smile at me, mama! I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF!"), coupled with the likelihood that I'm about to spend the next two hours running around the house chasing a naked and NOT eating three year old who is simultaneously screaming about both being cold and "I JUST SOOOOOO HUNGEE!"

An example of why I'm the worst mom on the planet: I won't let him eat cookies for dinner or chocolate for breakfast.

An example of the things that randomly pop out of his mouth: "I don't get angry. I get happy!"

"Look, mom!  I made a letter with my trains!"

An example of why sometimes I just give up: I tried to get Banner to wear his rain boots one morning because it was actually raining, but was told that he can't wear rain boots in the rain. #ofcourse

An example of how Haskell's role in the family has changed:
Me: "Hi, buddy [petting Haskell's head]."
Banner: "Mama, Haskell no your buddy! Haskell MY buddy!"
Me: "Oh?"
Banner: "Your buddy is Gypsy and daddy's buddy is Alley. My buddy is Haskell."
Me: "Does Haskell know about this?"
Banner: "Yeah. We talked about it."

Another example of where I stand:  After spending the ENTIRE day with him, Banner will tell me, "Daddy is my best friend."  I console myself with the fact that the little guy will almost always choose riding in my car with me over Trevor.

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