Things they don't tell you in parenting school...

Banner is a hungry baby, and when he wants to be fed, he wants to be fed NOW.  So imagine what it would look like if I was going too slow, and Banner grabbed the spoon in an effort to speed things along.

Got that mental image?

Good.

Now picture what it would look like after I tried to regain some semblance of authority over the situation by prying the spoon out of my baby's surprisingly strong grasp. And, while I was distracted by regaining control over said eating utensil, Banner made a play for the bowl, grabbed a handful of oatmeal and shoved it in his face.

You, my friends, would be left with this:



MESS.

And because I am a complete idiot, I bathed the little monster BEFORE giving him cereal.  Which means he had oatmeal stuck in his peach fuzz for a full twenty four hours until his next bath.  Daycare must think I am the parent of the year.

Not pictured:  What my person, clothes and living room looked like after this experience.  I'll leave that up to your imagination.  I am going to cover my house and furniture in plastic.

Caption worthy...

A series of pictures taken moments before Amy's wedding ceremony was about to begin last month:

Makes me laugh every time I see it.

Because "water bug" still means roach...

Monday afternoon, my coworker, intern and I went to lunch. It had rained earlier that morning, and my coworker opened the employee entrance door to see if we still needed an umbrella to make it to the car. I was standing directly behind her, and my intern behind me.

All of a sudden, what looked like a giant cockroach ran between my coworker’s feet and straight at me. I screamed and jumped out of the way, which lead to my intern to do the same. In the chaos, my coworker somehow got shoved out of the employee door and locked outside.

Meanwhile, my intern and I were inside trying to assess the hostage situation with the giant cockroach. It was a tense thirty seconds that involved several panicked shouts, screams and otherwise hysterical behavior in the darken doorway. All the while my coworker, who was still outside, was pounding on the door because she had dropped her keys, and couldn't get back in to save us.

Somehow, in the time it took calm down enough to demagnetize the exterior door and let my coworker back in, it was discovered that the cockroach wasn't a cockroach at all, but a tiny baby frog. The poor thing was traumatized by the giant humans freaking out all around it, and had gone into "stun mode". Luckily, this made it easier for us to catch it and relocate it back outside in the grass.

Anyway, I am telling you this in the hopes that it might explain why people don't think I am good in a crisis. In my defense, I don't think situations involving cockroaches or even potential cockroaches should count. Same goes for spiders and scorpions.

I'm just saying is all.

The end.

Oops...

What happens if you accidentally leave Alley's wading pool in direct sunlight for two weeks when it is 107 outside: