Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A good day for forwards...

Today was a good day for forwards, and I thought that I would take this opportunity to share my personal favorites with you:


  • COWS WITH GUNS

    • That's right, folks. I am the vegetarian daughter of a central Texas cattle rancher. I LOVED IT!


  • LAUGHS FROM EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS

    • According to the forward that I received, these are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations. Anyone who has ever lived or worked in DC may have had contact with one or more of the persons described below:


      1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

      2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

      3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

      4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

      5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

      6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

      7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

      8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

      9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

      10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

      11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

      12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

      14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

      15. "He's been working with glue too much."

      16. "He would argue with a signpost."

      17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

      18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

      19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

      20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

      21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

      22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

      23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

      24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out
      Looking for it."

      25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

      26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

      27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

      28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

      29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

      30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

      31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

      32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

    (So, uh, did anyone else notice that they were missing number 13? Hmmmmm...wonder what that means?)



    I know that they are silly, but they brightened my day (and made me laugh).
    Hopefully, they did the same for all of you!

    4 comments:

    Amstaff Mom said...

    I've got the cow song in my head now! That was pretty cute!

    GrammyPammy said...

    I feel (almost) famous! Glad you enjoyed them as much as I did.

    Lia said...

    13. It would be bad luck to even go there. This employee manages anough catastrophe on his own.

    Amstaff Mom said...

    Hour after hour "Cows with Guns" creeps back in my mind. I really wish it would go away now. They were so cute, so I HAD to watch them a second time. oh the insanity.

    Are they trying to brainwash me into being a vegetarian or something??? I was half-way there already. This is about to push me over the edge!!!

    Bad cow pun.....
    run cows runnnn
    cows with gunnnnnns