Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The day the sippy cup died...

Banner likes a "wa-wa" for the road.  I usually oblige, because it keeps the "I'm uncomfortable because I'm too big to still be rear facing in this flipping car seat" hysterics at bay.  And, call me crazy, but I find the process of driving much more enjoyable without all the screaming.  Especially after a long day at the office and in rush hour traffic.

With that in mind, imagine my face when I discovered his only sippy cup at day care had a giant crack in it mere seconds AFTER I had filled it with milk for the ride home. 

Oh, and by the way, Banner is at my side chanting "wa-wa, wa-wa, wa-wa" and looking up at me expectantly.

Yeah.  Exactly.

You don't have to be a parent to understand that situations like these generally don't end well.

So, I did what any reasonable parent would do:  I made a band aid for the cup so it wouldn't leak all over the car on the way home:

I thought it was brilliant. 

Unfortunately, Banner was less of a fan:

He threw the cup to the ground like the mere idea of it had insulted him and ruined his life.  And then proceeded to MELT DOWN in dramatic fashion.  Because - oh, woe is me! - how can you be expected to go on when your sippy cup has a paper towel taped to it?! #firstworldbabyproblems

(He obviously got this trait from his father.)

(Thanks for going along with me on that.)

Luckily, Maddy came over, showed interest in his cup and *gasp* picked it up.  Which suddenly made the cup worthy again, because hole or no hole, toddlers assign value to objects based on who has them (as in, "Why do you have that?  It is MINE!  I NEED THAT NOW OR I WILL DIE!" kind of way).  Hence the sippy cup that had taken a giant crap on Banner's existence only seconds before was suddenly acceptable again simply because some other pint-sized human was all like, "Whatever, dude.  Free milk!"

So, with a commanding, "No!  Mine!" the cup was (rudely) reclaimed, and Banner discovered that the paper towel and tape did not, in fact, alter the taste or condition of his milk as he had previously suspected.  And just as suddenly as all the love and joy was sucked from the world, it was restored.

Thank you, Baby Jesus.

I'm telling y'all, toddlers are completely irrational a$$hats sometimes.

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