Monday, April 20, 2015


Amy:  "Oh, look!  He found a place that wasn't wet yet."

Banner: "I'm thirsty."
Me: "You've had a lot of water buddy. Let's give it a bit, okay? I don't want you to explode."

Banner: "But my tummy says, [in a very high pitched voice] 'I really thirsty'!"

Calls Trevor's iPad "the mat".

Banner: "[From his bed] Mom! I'm finished with my lollipop!"
Me: "Lollipop? What lollipop? You are supposed to be going to bed!"
Banner: "This lollipop [shows me stem]. It was yummy but now I'm all sticky."
Me: "Banner, I'm confused. Those are brand new sheets fresh out of the dryer. Where did you stash a lollipop?"
Banner: "[Without hesitation] My butt."

Banner:  "C'mon, 'Pencer.  Let's play 'bayball."
Spencer:  "Do you think we are doing him a disservice by not teaching him to bat right handed first?"
Trevor:  "I dunno.  Good point."
Me:  "OMG, he is THREE."

Banner: "[During one of the snow days] Mom! Mom! I'm turning to ice! Just like Captain America!"

Unhappy pancake that he insisted on at Legal Grounds over the regular happy pancake.
(He was thrilled)

Me: "What do you want for breakfast?"
Banner: "Ice cream."
Me: "Yeah, no. Do you want a pancake? Egg? Waffle?"
Banner: "Cupcake?"
Me: "I don't think you understand how breakfast works."
Banner: "No! You no understand! I tell you what I want already!"

[Note:  He had a muffin with fruit.]

Banner: "Mom! Gypsy eat my food!"
Mom: "She couldn't have, buddy. She's on her dog bed. Did you really feed your food to one of the other dogs?"
Banner: "No, Gypsy just really, really fast."

Banner: "I gotta go potty."
Trev: "Need me to go with you?"
Banner: "No, don't come with me daddy."
Trev: "Why not?"
Banner: "Because I gotta put my potty face on."

Mr. Garcia: "Who is happy?"

[Whole class raises their hands except Banner.]

Banner: "I no happy."
Mr. Garcia: "I'm sorry, Banner, but I bet you've been happy at some point before. Now, who has ever been tired?"
Banner: "I'm tired now."
Mr. Garcia: "I know, buddy. Now who has ever been scared?"
Banner: "Me.  I'm scared now."
Mr. Garcia: "I'm sensing a trend here."
Trevor: "So, he's scared and tired?"
Me: "But decidedly not happy."

Trevor: "[Loud toot] Uh oh! I must have stepped on a frog!"
Banner: "Daddy there's no frog. You pooted. Say 'cuse me'."

In the same vein (because discussions about toots, poop and burps just never get old at my house):

Trevor: "Oops! I stepped on a frog!"
Banner: "Poor frog. Sorry frog!"

Trevor: "It's because you are tired."
Banner: "I'm not tired! I'm sleepy!"

Banner: "Oh no! Mommy! There's bleed on my ear!"

Me: "[While walking to dinner] I need to pee."
Banner: "There's a tree over there, mama!"

Banner: "I no listen today, daddy."
Trev: "Why not?"
Banner: "Because I no want to."

In same "I no listen" vein...

Banner: "I had to sit on the wall today."
Me: "Why?"
Banner: "I no listen."
Me: "Why not? You should listen to your teachers, Banner."
Banner: "But I just want to play!"

Me: "[After discovering that he had eaten four or five packages of gummy bunnies while stuffing Easter eggs] OMG! Did you just eat all these? No more gummy bunnies!"

Banner: "I know! No more left to eat! They all gone!"

He is VERY good at puzzles.

Me: "Banner, you look so handsome!
Banner: "[Giggling in an ah, shucks way] Stop it, mama!"

Me: "Banner eat your broccoli."
Banner: "[Moving the broccoli to my plate] No thank you!"
Trevor: "But Charlie loves broccoli! Charlie always eats his broccoli!"

Banner: "Well then Charlie can have it!"

Trevor: "Where's Banner? It's too quiet."

[Goes looking for him.]

Banner: "[Upon having the door to his bedroom opened and being discovered eating a bag of jellybeans he had stolen from his Easter basket] I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!"

Banner: "I like your shoes, Amy!"
Amy: "Thanks! They make me run fast!"
Banner: "[Referencing his flip flops] Oh, my shoes make me fall down."
Amy: "That's quite the superpower."

Banner IS really good at drawing "robots".
(That is a robot above.  It has hair.)

Banner: "Daddy draw a castle!"

[Trevor proceeds to draw a castle with sidewalk chalk on the backyard patio]

Banner: "That's not a very good castle. You must not be a good drawer. Sorry 'bout that, daddy."

Trevor: "Get ready to take a shower or you are going to have to go straight to bed. I'm going to count to 3. 1...2..."
Banner: "Daddy! No count to three! I'm a big boy not a baby!"

Me: "C'mon buddy. You are stalling. Time for bed."
Banner: "No! I gotta potty! Big poo poo coming out!"

[Finally a small splash]

Banner: "[Looking a world's tiniest poop and considering it for a moment] Well, it felt a lot bigger."

Anni: "[Referencing photo above via text] Please tell me that's a pickle and not a log of poo."
Me: "He dropped that pickle on the floor, wrestled it away from the dog and just ate it. I watched the whole thing. #proud parent."
Anni: "That's amazing."
Me: "The alternative was the dog eating it which would have been cause for a meltdown. I was torn. If he won, the pickle had totally been licked by the dog. If he lost, meltdown. Parenting is hard."

It is official. 
Banner is the youngest Gordon Lightfoot fan on the planet.

Trevor:  "Banner, I don't think your socks match.  One comes up to your knee and the other doesn't."
Banner:  "Yes, they do, daddy."
Trevor:  "What is on that foot."

Banner:  "Batman."
Trevor:  "And that foot?"
Banner:  "An eyeball."
Trevor:  "See?  They aren't the same!"
Banner:  "Yes, they are! "
Trevor:  "I don't think you understand what 'same' means, buddy."

Banner:  "No, YOU no understand, daddy."

Trevor:  "I told him to go put on a hat and this happened.  I'm just going with it."

Me:  "Does this dress make mama look pretty?"
Banner:  "No, but I can go get you a sticker.  That will help."

The next day...

Banner:  "Mama, why you no wear this dress?"
Me:  "I just couldn't get it to look right."
Banner:  "Well, it much prettier than that dress you wearing now."

Last night...

Banner:  "Here some stickers, mama!  I make you look pretty for dinner."
Me:  "Thanks, buddy!  But I just got out of the shower.  They won't stick to me right now."

[Banner proceeds to try and stick stickers on me anyway.]

Me:  "You know what, why don't you go ahead and decorate this shirt and I'll wear it to dinner?"
Banner:  "Okay, mama."

[Upon leaving the house for dinner with Mimi and Baa...]

Trevor:  "Wow.  So...uh.  That's a lot of stickers."
Me:  "Yeah, I wasn't going to wear this shirt, but Banner went to so much trouble to make me look nice."
Trevor:  "Banner, did you make mommy look pretty?"
Banner:  "Yep.  She pretty now.  I have to use A LOT of stickers."

Riding to the park clearly requires driving gloves.

Banner:  "Old MacDonald had a farm!  E-I-E-I-O!"
Me:  "Buddy, it isn't nice to sing at the dinner table."
Banner:  "Why not?"
Trevor:  "Because it might bother the people at the other tables."
Me:  "We can have a singing party in the car on the way home, if you want."
Banner:  "But I want to sing now!  I might not want to later."

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