Tuesday, July 21, 2009

On idiot proofing...

I saw the following during a recent trip to Ikea:




Granted, I'm sure the need to label functioning toilets from floor displays increased tenfold after movies like JACKA$$ came out. I just find it humorous. Because, really, if you use a display toilet you are most likely a jacka$$. It has nothing to do with your level of intelligence. Only your level of maturity.

Unless, of course, you really are that stupid, and then…well, I’ve got nothing.


I know this probably an add for two pairs of shoes for $25. But couldn’t it just as easily be for an individual shoe that costs $25 ($50 for the pair)? Considering the disclaimer in the Ikea toilet, I feel that clarification is needed in all aspects of my life. Plus, I was always told never to assume anything – especially when it comes to the wild, wild world of retail.

But it is probably just me.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Thong-Gate 2009...


Note to self: If Auntie Mimi asks to see a pair of naughties you received at a co-ed wedding shower, just say, “No”. Otherwise, the next thing you hear will be the laughter as she holds them up for all to see. This will promptly be followed by the passing of the unmentionables around the room. Several, older female (i.e. 70+) party goers will try in vain to figure out "where all the stringy parts go" as their husbands look on and giggle like little school girls.

Oh, and your father? Yeah, he’ll capture the whole thing on film.

Your mother will be tricked in to looking inside the pink Vicky S bag. After your sister makes a completely inappropriate comment about all the future grandbabies that may be conceived wearing such an apparatus, Grammy Pammy will turn bright red, shove the naughties back into the bag with a look of disgusted horror, and excuse herself to go to the bathroom.




Meanwhile, you will still be seated at the front of the room, beat red and completely powerless over the situation.

Dear God…

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A completely hypothetical situation…

Dramatic Chipmunk...
Say whaaaaat?!

For the sake of argument, let’s say I know a guy that has a tendency to speak his mind. Literally. Like he has no filter to speak of, and tends to say what ever pops into his head.

And let’s say that this particular guy is quite the ladies man, and dates around.

One day, for no particular reason, the man in question decides to tell you that a woman you randomly see around town makes “chipmunk noises in bed”.

Would you be able to think of anything else in her presence?

How to really improve your feng shui (or not)...

Thanks to the museum renovations, my phone and computer are now located in different offices. I find this to be very special. I kind of need both my phone and computer together to work properly and get my job done, so this is an interesting development. Never a dull moment around here, let me tell you!

My regular office – with my phone – is about to have its ceiling removed for extensive duct work. Apparently, this could take a month or longer.

So I can still work at the office and print in the meantime (I don’t have a printer at home), my computer has been moved into the accountant’s office. The accountant is part time, but it is still HER office. And I’ve been allocated just enough space to work without bothering her or anyone else. My desk has been shoved into a tiny corner, and I have barely enough room between my desk and the wall for a chair.

At least I still have the phone in my old office. Until the ceiling removal begins, I can still take occasional excursions to visit my phone, my plants and enjoy the solitude.

Sigh…I miss my hole! Dusty and loud as it may be.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I'm just saying is all...

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr...
Sonic Ice

I don’t care HOW hot it is outside! When a piece of Sonic ice accidentally lands in your bra and gets trapped under your left boob, it is COLD!

It's basically the "Tragedy of King Lear" but with animated penguins...

My landlord at the house I’ve been renting for the past four years (before Trevor and I bought our new home earlier this spring) is actually a family member of mine. As a favor to her for being such a wonderful landlord to me and waving things like the “Pet Deposit”, I offered to keep the utilities in my name until she could sell the house this summer. I’ve been billing her monthly, and it has all gone very smoothly.

Closing is scheduled for this Thursday at 1 PM, so I decided to call and start closing out the various accounts this morning before work. Here is the email update I sent my former landlord earlier today:

From: Deals
Sent: Tuesday, July 14, 2009 9:18 AM
To: Landlord
Subject: RE: Utilities…


Okay…

The gas (Atmos) at [???] Street is being taken out of my name tomorrow. The gas will still stay on for up to 30 days afterwards, they are just doing a final meter reading tomorrow. After that, I will no longer be responsible for the bill.

TXU is turning the power off between 3 PM and midnight on Thursday. For some reason, turning if off on Friday wasn’t an option. It was either Thursday in the late afternoon or Saturday. Since closing is at 1 PM, I figured this would be fine. Plus, this allows the new owners to initiate service between now and then so there will be no interruption (assuming they call today or tomorrow).

The water (surprise, surprise) is a problem. For whatever reason, the line is busy and/or I keep getting disconnected. I did speak to a customer service rep, though, and she told me that they experience a larger volume of calls during the summer months. She, however, could not schedule for the water to be turned off. At this rate, I’ll have the water turned off sometime in mid-October. Stupid City…

Love,
Deals

I finally was able to get in the holding pattern for a human representative around 10:30 AM. Knowing it was most likely going to take awhile (and just hoping against hope I didn’t get disconnected again), I simply put my work phone on “speaker” and went about my work day. Fifty seven minutes and eighteen seconds later (I have a counter on my phone that keeps track of the length of any given phone call), I found myself finally connected to a Water Department employee. I was on the phone with her for less than three minutes. The water will be turned off either late Thursday afternoon or early Friday morning.

Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Ha!

Considering Dallas Water Utilities is the only game in town and they seem to thrive on slapping their customers with late fees (thanks to a system that often postmarks a bill on the day that it is due), you would think they could afford to hire more phone representatives during their own self-described “summer busy season”. Personally, I’m not convinced that the lady I spoke to this morning wasn’t the only employee in the office answering the phone.

I am also fascinated by the Customer Service Supervisors (not to be confused with the regular old reps over at Billing and Account Information). This time I only had call three of the five numbers listed on their website to find a working number (the first two had been disconnected) and an actual human being. The Customer Service Supervisor (yes, SUPERVISOR) was completely unhelpful, however, couldn’t cancel the service at my old address, and was only able to provide me with a fax number where I could submit my request to be processed (hopefully) at some point in the next 40 business days.

If I had a choice (which I don’t), I’d totally change water providers. Or cancel my service all together. Sadly, when it comes to water, I kind of need it (drinking, showering, etc.). My hands are tied.

Somewhere out there, a Water Department big wig is laughing at me and mocking my pain.

The ba$tard…

The downside of all that positive thinking...

Today is like yesterday. Only louder. And with no AC.

Fantastic.

Monday, July 13, 2009

For no reason (other than my own amusement, of course)...

Because of all the renovation-related noise and dust, I got to work from home following my 2:30 PM meeting. It all went very smoothly until the server started acting up and my remote email access was interrupted.

My coworker also lost her connection to the museum’s server, and we started emailing back and forth using our personal email accounts to pass the time until our connection to the server was restored.

Here is part of that thread:

(Note: Chloe is Nora's sweet but not-too-bright cat that has a random list of kitty aliments)

________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 4:10 PM
To: Nora
Subject: Haskell is staring at me...



________________________________________
From: Nora
Sent: Mon 7/13/2009 4:10 PM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: Haskell is staring at me...


As he should be – he wants a monkey.


________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 4:13 PM
To: Nora
Subject: RE: Haskell is staring at me...


Or kibble. But a monkey would be fun, too. Unless he was afraid of said monkey (very possible), and then, no.

How does Chloe feel about monkeys? Maybe a monkey poked the holes in her eyes when you weren't looking?


________________________________________
From: Nora
Sent: Mon 7/13/2009 4:15 PM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: Haskell is staring at me...


Chloe is scared of the screaming monkey toy we have at the house. So no more monkeys for us.

What is Gypsy doing?


________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 4:24 PM
To: Nora
Subject: RE: Haskell is staring at me...


Periodically licking my leg and running her lampshade into the backs of my calves. You know, same ole', same ole'.

________________________________________
From: Nora
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 4:48 PM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: Haskell is staring at me...


Why is she wearing a lampshade and is she dancing on any tables?


________________________________________

When 5 PM finally came and went with no server connection, Nora and I both decided to call it a day.

Aren’t museum renovations fun?! Blah…