Is April over yet?

Is it possible that my bad luck will end at midnight tonight? Because I really hope it does. All this bad luck is giving me a headache.

Anyway, since my last post, the following has happened:

1. There really isn’t a good way of telling this story, except to simply come out with it: I was home alone and passed gas (There! I said it!). To rectify the smell situation, I decided to light a match. Simple enough, right? Well, apparently not. The next thing I remember was seeing the tiny, flaming match head flying toward my face (the paper match stem was still tightly pinched between my thumb and first finger, by the way). The ember landed, much to my horror and dismay, on my upper lip – leaving a small red mark at the point of impact (which vaguely resembled both a pimple and a cold sore at the same time). That wasn’t the best part, however. The tiny ball of fire also managed to singe my lip hair, cheek fuzz and eyelashes. Talk about adding insult to injury!

2. Was running late for early morning physical therapy appointment when I came across a man in a motorized wheelchair crossing the street. He was in a legal crosswalk, so I stopped my car and waited patiently for him to get to the other side. I kid you not – the guy stopped in front of my car and started cloud watching. Seriously! He was just staring up at the sky for no reason at all (yes, I looked! No planes. No birds. No nothing!). Briefly considered honking at the man, but decided against it. After all, he was in a freakin’ wheelchair! You don’t honk at people in wheelchairs! Plus, he was old and I was worried that the sound of my horn would send him into cardiac arrest or something ridiculous. Decided only recourse was to bang head repeatedly into steering wheel to relieve frustration (my head, not his).

3. Nicely asked child visiting museum to stop running, screaming and banging on the display cases. Nearly killed the little brat when he replied, “Yeah? Make me!” Best part?...His mom was standing right there and did NOTHING!

4. The museum’s foundation is a little…“iffy”. Consequently, the lecture hall doors stick a little from time to time. Managed to hit head with door while trying to liberate it from frame. Did this in front of a group of 4th graders who thought it was the funniest thing they’d seen. Ever.

5. Have lost keys. Twice. This is always a barrel of laughs first thing in the morning.

6. Am coming to the conclusion that I have both a bunion and planter fasciitis. Yes, I’m only 26. Am cursing the day I finally break down and call a podiatrist.

7. Was stood up by boyfriend Saturday night. This was fun...

8. Sustained abrasion on left forearm after being attacked by next door neighbor’s garage.

9. Got out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Ran into wall. Surprised to discover that one can actually “see stars” after something like this. Previously thought this was a phenomenon unique to cartoons.

10. Haskell spent the weekend coughing up all sorts of fun phlegm. Wasn’t so much of an issue during the day (except when said phlegm landed on the carpet), but severely limited amount of REM sleep for both dog and owner at night. After an early morning trip to the vet today, Haskell is on some serious horse-pills to treat his “upper respiratory infection”. Have decided that my dogs need to get jobs to help me pay for their vet bills. In the meantime, however, bought both Gypsy Kitty and Haskell a St. Francis medal to wear on their collars. Hopefully, this will help protect them from future health fiascos (at least until my bank account recovers from the past month and a half).

April showers bring May flowers, yes? Guess I’ll go to sleep and find out tomorrow. Here's to a happy May, everybody!!!