Just in case you’ve ever wondered why Trevor and I haven’t gotten married…

For the next two weeks Trevor and I will be living together. That is, if he is allowed to live that long.

Let me explain.

This morning, Trevor got up and - as part of his morning ritual - decided to “drop the kids off at the pool” (i.e. Trevor for “taking a poo”). Normally, this would not warrant mentioning because when nature calls, nature calls. However, Trevor’s ability to think and reason before 7 AM is (apparently) severely limited. Thus, left to himself, things went from bad to worse. Quickly.

It all started when, due to some sort of logistical error, Trevor dropped Larry, Curly and Mo off at the pool instead of just a few kiddos. As a result, the toilet backed up.

Now, to be fair, the plumbing at my house is 85 years old, so it doesn’t take the mother of all movements to keep things from going down the way they should. In fact, it happens so frequently that I have strategically placed plungers next to both toilets in my house, and adjusted the water level in the tank so every clog does not result in an overflow. Trevor knows all of this because he has:

1. Been to my house.


2. Used by toilet before.


3. Helped me deal with previous toilet back ups.


4. Stopped up my toilet in the past.

So, it would stand to reason that Trevor, after clogging a toilet in MY house, would know how to proceed. Instead, the following occurred:

• Trevor woke me up when he couldn’t find the plunger (which was RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET AS ALWAYS!!).



• After using said plunger, Trevor proceeded to take the dripping, disgusting thing to the kitchen to rinse it off IN THE KITCHEN SINK! Drops of “poo water” were left on the kitchen counter as well as the floor between the kitchen and bathroom.



• About this time, I asked Trevor if he fixed the toilet (I was still in bed and unaware of the Kitchen Sink Incident). He said he had.



• I then inquired whether or not he had rinsed off the plunger before putting it back in its “house” next to the toilet. He said he had, but he’d do it again just to be sure.



• That was when I heard Trevor turn on the bathroom sink.



• Convinced Trevor must be doing something other than what I thought he was doing, I yelled, “You’re not rinsing the plunger in the bathroom sink, are you?!”



• Trevor said he was.



• I jumped out of bed screaming, “Trevor, NO!” It was too late.



• Trevor asked where he was supposed to rinse the plunger, if not in the sink. I told him, A) the toilet post-flush with bleach; B) the bathtub next to the toilet (before scrubbing tub with bleach).



• I watched as Trevor moved the dripping plunger into the bathtub from the sink. Made mental note that bathmat now needed washing.



• Nervously, I asked Trevor where he rinsed the plunger the first time. Almost fainted when I learned about the kitchen sink.



• Inquired whether or not Trevor was in the habit of putting used plungers in his kitchen sink. Trevor’s response: “No. That’s gross.” Uhmmmm, yeah. My thoughts exactly.



• Thought about asking Trevor about the logic behind rinsing the plunger in MY kitchen sink, if he wouldn’t rinse it in HIS OWN kitchen sink. Decided against it. I was obviously NOT dealing with a rational human being.



• Told Trevor that I expected him to bleach and scrub the kitchen sink, the bathroom sink, the bathtub and the offending toilet before he left for work.



• Went back to bed.



• Seriously questioned Trevor’s upbringing.



• Got up when it occurred to me that Trevor would need a sponge (and – considering his current state of mind – would have NO idea where to find one).



• Entered bathroom to discover Trevor scrubbing the sink with blue toilet bowl cleaner and the brush I use to wash dishes.



• Screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Trevor’s response: “What?! It has bleach in it!”



• Pointed out that it was toilet bowl cleaner, and should therefore be used ONLY in a toilet. Mentioned that the brush should be thrown away after Trevor was done cleaning the bathroom as it would no longer be suitable for dishwashing.



• Was in the process of getting Trevor Clorox Cleanup, Lysol Wipes and a sponge from the kitchen when I realized my feet were wet. Further inspection revealed the “poo water trail” from Trevor’s trips to and from the kitchen sink with dirty plunger.



• Screamed.



• Handed cleaning supplies to Trevor. Ordered him to sanitize everything before he left for work or I’d kill him.



• Considered killing him anyway.



• Washed feet with soap and water.



• Went back to bed.

See what I am dealing with people?! Insanity! AND TREVOR HAS ONLY BEEN LIVING WITH ME FOR 48 HOURS SO FAR! He won’t be able to move into his new apartment for another 12 DAYS!

AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!