Between Babies...

Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:18:38 -0500
Subject: Re: To Banner
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Hey Banner,

I had the best week at daycare last week: Jess was out sick. But, I love the idea of a boy's only club. I talked with the other boy in my class yesterday about starting one, and it's on. The only problem is that it's just me and him. Of course, there are only four of us in our room. I know there are more boys in the other rooms because I see them some times, but I don't get to talk to them much. Tanner and I agree, though that there is safety in numbers, and now that Mia's crawling we have to stick together to defend ourselves. Mia actually crawled over to me when I spit out my paci last week. (What is it with these girls and my paci?) Anyway, we think we can take them if we're together, as long as they don't attack us from behind.

Oh, I HATE the snot sucker! Does your mom do the salt spray, too? Some days mom won't even feed me without spraying my nose with that stuff. Talk about torture. But, the snot sucker is the WORST! I cry every time I see that bulb but my Mom still attacks me with it. I try to get away from her, but then she calls Dad to hold my head still. It's really not a fair fight when the two of them gang up on me. The worst thing is that they tell me they'd never do anything to hurt me when they come after me with it. Liars! Don't they know I understand what they are about to do? It's not like I was born yesterday.

Banner, my mom's been out of control with the pacifiers. I think that she must have bought every pacifier at Target when I started sucking my thumb. She's constantly shoving different ones in my mouth. If she could, I bet she'd try to put two or three in at once. You should see her when we take the dog for a walk, she's pushing the stroller, fully armed with half a dozen pacis and as soon as I spit one out she plugs up my mouth with a new one. If it weren't so annoying it might actually be funny because I know I'm doing such a great job driving her crazy. Boy, I have to think of something that Dad and I can to do together to mess with her. It's going to be so much fun!

I also got to go to my Mom's office one night last week when she had to work late. Dad picked me up at daycare and brought me right over. I have been there a few times before, and the people there just passed me around. This time, though, there were all sorts of people there and I was practically mobbed in the hallway. Thank goodness Mom finally showed up and let us in her office. I mostly just played with my Dad the whole time, but it was fun listening to my mom tease dad about being too scared to be at home alone with me for a few hours. I was on my best behavior, though; I didn't want to face the crowds in the hallways again. Mom doesn't know that it's super easy to scare Dad out when she's not around. He panicks more than my mom ever did when I start to cry. Good times.

Last weekend my parents finally decided I was old enough to sleep in my own room. I thought sleeping through the night would have been enough to convince them, but I guess my mom didn't trust me to keep it up. But I finally don't have to listen to Daddy snore. Plus, I found out last night that if I start to cry, Mom still comes running. I have such power over her! I just laughed every time I saw her peering over the side of my crib because I can still wake her up. I did it like four times last night and it never stopped being funny. I think my Dad knew what I was doing, because he never came a single time. Oh, and my new crib is great; it's so much bigger than the bassinet and I have all of the room in the world to stretch out.

Thanks for suggesting a box to play with. I am not sure how to get one. I have seen some really big boxes in my house when my mom and dad get things from Amazon. Maybe if I fuss enough the next time I see one, Mom will get frustrated and plop me right down in one of them. I hope you enjoy the state fair and the "corny dog." I don't think I'm ever going to get to try real food. I overheard my mom say to my dad that it's going to be a few months before she wants to give me cereal. It can't be bad for me, though, because mom and dad eat it practically every morning. Oh well, there's enough other things for me to explore right now that I can't waste time worrying about food. The other day I found a baby in the mirror, the dude just kept staring at me. Every now and then I could make him smile.

Catch you later,

Nathan


From: Banner
To: Nathan
Subject: RE: To Banner
Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:22:28 -0500

Dude, how awesome is that mirror baby? He is one good looking guy!

Mom is a fan of the salt spray but likes dad to administer it to me because sometimes a big boogie is dislodged after using it, and mom has no stomach for that. I also hear that she is a sympathy puker. Growing up with her is going to be SO much fun! Think of all the possibilities!

Mom and dad both left me over the weekend and went some place called “Cleveland” for something called a “wedding”. Mom worried for days about leaving me, and wrote a book so that my grandmothers would know how to take care of me. It was ten pages long, single spaced with an itty bitty font and NO PICTURES. It wasn’t like GOODNIGHT MOON at all. Don’t tell mom, but Grammy Pammy and Gran didn’t read it once. They did think it was pretty funny, though, and laughed about how silly my mommy is. But then mommy and daddy left and didn’t come back FOR DAYS. Every morning I’d wake up and no mommy or daddy. I thought about being upset about it until I realized that the grandmothers are pretty easy to manipulate. They gave me REAL banana for breakfast, took me to the park and were much more relaxed about the whole schedule thing. I pretty much got to do whatever I wanted for three whole days. Plus, it wasn't like I didn't notice that mom was texting Grammy Pammy and Gran every other hour for updates and photos. Dad, though? Yeah, didn't hear from him once. Which, of course, explains why I gave him the biggest smile ever when he reappeared on Sunday in the living room and shouted, "Boo". He was obviously there the entire time and just playing peek-a-boo. Gotta' love that guy.

In other news, Brox and I made a pact to watch the other's back during naps at daycare. Problem is that we forgot to decide who got to go to sleep first, and both passed out in the fort we made behind the cribs. Defending ourselves against girls is hard! How is it going on your end? Jess behaving herself? I don't know what we are going to do when Oliver graduates to the next class. He's figured out the whole walking thing. So far, Brox and I can only stand up and then we get stuck. My teachers keep telling my mom that I need something called "shoes", but so far I haven't gotten any. Do you think I can use them to keep the girls away? Or maybe these shoe things will help me figure out how to get down from a stand without bumping my head? Last week, mom got called every day at work because I decided the only way out of the stand was to either throw myself dramatically to the ground or, simply, let go and let that gravity thing I told you about before do what it does best. Problem is, it kind of hurts when you fall down and go boom. Mom keeps threatening to buy me a helmet. Not sure what that is, either, but I'm guessing it won't help my street cred with the other babies.

Stay cool, my brother!

Ban



Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:47:51 -0500
Subject: Re: To Banner
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Hey Banner,

How have you been? I can't figure out that mirror baby. He never smiles unless I smile first. I think he's a little slow. I don't want to say anything, though, because he's lots of fun to play with and he's the only other baby I have seen around my house lately.

Man, your mom is super easy to freak out. I wish my Mom were that much fun. My mom used to put on a whole production when I would blow out the side of my diaper, but it doesn't seem to bother her any more... Maybe it's because she started laughing at me when I do it. I think she caught on that is a joke. I guess I need to expand my repertoire.

The other day I was playing with my paci and I accidentally stuck it in my mouth. Well, my mom and dad happened to be watching and for some reason they just starting cheering and clapping so suddenly that it scared me and I dropped the dang thing on the ground. The real kicker is that they then asked me why I had dropped it. Seriously, how is a baby supposed to concentrate on what he's doing when there's so much noise and excitement in the room? I never did figure out what they were cheering about.

I can't believe you got to spend a whole weekend with your grandmothers! I bet it was nice just chilling with them, kind of a vacation from your parents! Of course, the last time my Grandma took care of me she spent the whole day trying to keep socks on my feet. If she would have stopped putting her cold hands on my feet in the first place they never would have gotten cold enough to need socks. I don't need an entire weekend of that. Hey, what is this "schedule" thing anyway? My mom and dad have been saying I need one for months, but I am not sure they know where to buy one because I still haven't gotten one.

I am not so sure about shoes keeping girls away. Based on what I've seen of my cousin, shoes are girl magnets. Girls practically collect shoes! I think the only useful thing you might be able to do with shoes is throw them across the room to get the girls away from you. But, well, you are moble so for all I know they will help you stand better. I'm getting terribly frustrated by being "propped" against things. My parents said that once I can roll over I'll know something that the dog doesn't know. It's just so much pressure and it seems like everyone's leaving me behind. Even Tanner has started to roll over. I guess that's what happens when you're the smallest one at daycare. I hope a new baby joins our room soon; I'm getting tired of being the little one.

Nathan



From: Banner
To: Nathan
Subject: RE: To Banner
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2012 14:08:08 -0500

Hi, Nathan -

I can totally relate. I was the youngest in my class for a long time. Then, all of a sudden, several of my classmates graduated and new babies came in their place. It was so nice to not be the new kid anymore.

While I was in Colorado, a new girl started. Her name is Harper. She's still a lump and can't do much, so I'm not worried about her like Emma, Austin and Caroline. I wanted to welcome her to the room like a gentleman, so - once I got back - I did the only thing I could think of: crawled over to her napper, spat up on her forehead and crawled away as quickly as possible. She seemed to accept this as the warm welcome that I intended, but my teachers all seemed to panic about it and made a note for my mom and dad on daily report card. Adults ruin all the fun, don't they? And, really: What do they know about proper etiquette for babies? Who died and made them experts? I don’t speak English yet. Spit up is a completely valid form of communication at our age!

A schedule is pretty awesome because it means I don’t have to fuss too much before getting a bottle or some cereal. Except mom is pretty loopy and sometimes she forgets, and I have to scream at her before she remembers that I haven’t had a meal in forever. Normally, I get fed every 3-4 hours during the day. But, over the weekend, I went five hours because mom and dad got all into something called “baby proofing” and they lost track of someone called “Time”. Not sure what this guy Time has to do with anything (I didn’t see anyone else at the house!), but I tried to be patient at first. It just got ridiculous, though, and I had to let mom and dad have it, because – HUNGRY! Let’s just hope they took the reprimand seriously, and we don’t have to have that discussion again anytime soon.

I also got those shoe things I was telling you about. They are pretty much weights they put on your feet, and they make me wear them all the time now. It kind of sucks because I like my feet but I haven’t seen them in days. Maybe they thought I was fat and needed to exercise more? The first time they put them on my feet, I refused to move my legs or take a step. It was like my feet were cemented in place. It is better now that I’ve been wearing them more, but I still think they are annoying. I wish they’d just let me wear my toes like before. Those guys are loads of fun to suck on! I was worried my toes were gone forever when the shoes first showed up, but I saw them last night when I took my bath. At least I know that they are still hanging around somewhere. I was worried the shoes had scared them away.

Oh, and I seem to have made some progress as far as Caroline is concerned. Yesterday, she put her head on my shoulder during story time. At first, I didn’t know what to do, but then I decided to put my arm around her and pet her head. No big deal, right? WRONG! The teachers got all excited and grabbed that camera thingy to take a picture. Caroline and I didn’t understand what was going on, so we just crawled away from each other and tried to pretend we didn’t know each other. Adults are so weird. She was just tired and needed a nap. Sheesh!

Word to your mother,

The B-Man



Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2012 09:00:28 -0500
Subject: Re: To Banner
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Hi Banner,

Guess what, we have a new member in our boys only club! When everyone starts going home, we get some of the kids from the room next door and Case is one of the last ones from his room to be picked up so he's been coming over a lot. Tanner and I are the last ones from our room to go home. So, we get to play together and there are no girls even trying to join in because they've all gone home. It's so great! Oh, and now that Mia's crawling really well Jess has a playmate. She leaves me and Tanner alone most of the time because she's busy showing Mia all sorts of places to play around our room. The other day they spent all afternoon playing something called "house" in the corner of the room. Tanner and I practically had the whole place to ourselves. It's no wonder I didn't bother taking a nap. I didn't need the security of my crib to get away from them.

Thanks for making me feel better about not moving. It helps to know I won't be little forever. Most days I think I'm growing because all my mom ever says to me is "where is my tiny baby from the hospital?" But, the strangest thing happened to me this week. I had been noticing that my pants were getting too short, I was starting to be afraid of being called a nerd for wearing flood pants. Then, almost magically this week when my mom dressed me for daycare my pants covered my feet and my onesies have been loose on me, too. I'm a little worried that my mom's wishing me to be small again and is making me shrink. Do you think that's possible?

Oh and why is it that they stick you with needles at the doctor's office? I was on my best behavior when we went last week, although I did crumple up that paper a bunch. I didn't even spit up on anyone like last time. I do NOT like shots. But, hey thanks for the tip on spitting up on the new kids. That's one more reason to look forward to getting someone new in my room.

It's good to know that Caroline isn't all bad. I agree, they were weird to get excited just because she wanted to nap during story time. It's like they forgot we nap every day. Who knows why grown ups do the things they do? My parents are pretty obsessed with using their cameras, too. I can be perfectly happy sitting around and then before I know it they're flashing a bright light in my face and then wonder why it upsets me. One day when I'm big I'm going to flash that bright light at them and see how much they like it.

I never even thought of sucking on my toes! Do they taste as good as fingers do? I am glad the shoes are working out for you. I don't know that I want weights on my feet, I like to kick them around every now and then, especially when I take a bath. It is so much fun to make the water go SPLASH!

I found out a really good way to get over a cold: pass it on to your parents! I had a cold early last week, and I couldn't help but sneeze and cough on my mom and dad for a few days. Lo and behold, once they got sick, I started feeling better! I have to remember to do that now EVERY TIME I start to feel bad. The strangest part about getting my dad sick, though, is that he sounds different. He still looks like my dad, and he plays with me like my dad always did so I am pretty sure he is my dad. But, he sounds like some guy my mom calls "Barry White." I think the new voice is funny, I hope it keeps it like this.

Oh, hey do you know anything about this "Halloween" thing? My mom keeps talking about dressing me up in something called a "costume." She wants to make me a "pirate," and I overheard something about a "puffy shirt" the other day. This does not sound like a good idea to me... I don't know if I wanna be a pirate! I may have to try this pretending to be sick thing to get out of it. Wish me luck.

Have a good weekend.

Nathan



From: Banner
To: Nathan
Subject: RE: To Banner
Date: Mon, 15 Oct 2012 10:59:35 -0500

Hi, Nathan -

Sorry about the whole no writing thing. So much has been going on around here. I don't even know where to begin!

I went to that whole state fair thing last week. It was pretty neat. Except I didn't like this one area called the "midway". Lots of loud noises and people screaming! The rest was pretty interesting, though. Lots of weird smells and strange people to stare at. Unfortunately, Mom watched dad like a hawk, though, so I didn't get to taste any corny dog. All I got was some formula while everyone else tried something called "fried pickles".

I was worried mom and dad might put me back in that backpack thing, but I got to ride around fair park in my stroller instead. The only thing was that it was COLD outside. I guess the sun went on vacation last weekend, because I had to wear a hat, fleece pants and sweatshirt. Mom and Auntie Amy also spent a significant amount of time trying to teach me to sit on my hands to keep them warm. Mom says she needs to buy me something called "mittens".

Then, even though I had JUST seen my doctor four days before, I got sick. Mom says I probably got it because the doctor made me crawl around on the floor of the exam room to see if I was doing it right. I mean, HOW could I not be crawling correctly? I'm moving around aren't I? Adults are so strange. Mom says I should be up on my knees, but I've got that army crawl down. If it ain't broke, why fix it! Am I right? Anyway, I got a fever and a cough that made my chest rattle. It got a little hard to breathe - especially when I tried to get some shut eye - so I decided that if I couldn't sleep, mommy and daddy couldn't either. It was pretty miserable, and then mommy made it worse by taking me BACK to the doctor. If she thinks I got the sick from there, why would she take me back? I was worried they would stick my thighs with needles again, but instead they gave me some purple, grape-tasting stuff that daddy makes me drink every night before bed. I don't know why mom and dad keep giving it to me, because I have made it pretty clear that I hate it. Last night I even managed to get some in my hair, which really sucked because I had just gotten out of the bath. So I had to go to bed all sticky. Bother.

In other news, I got attacked by a toy this week at daycare. You have to watch out for this toy phone thing. I am attaching a photo above so you know what I am talking about. I was minding my own business and swinging the base of phone around by the earpiece, like a cowboy with a lasso. But then the base of the phone came out of nowhere and clonked me in the head. I don't know why it did that! But obviously all babies should careful around them! Every time I see that mean toy now, I let it know that I am watching it by staring intensely at it and going "waaaaaa!". I think it knows that I am on to it because it had my teacher put it high up on the shelf.

But the WORST was that my teacher said I did it to myself! She even called my mom at work and told her so AND sent an incident report home about it, too. So embarrassing! Obviously the phone attacked me! Sheesh!

I also got to go to this place yesterday called "church". I had been before for Auntie Amy's wedding and my baptism, but this time I got to go and hang out with other babies in a room filled with toys. It was pretty awesome. I hope mom and dad take me back there again soon. Apparently mom hadn't taken me there before because she thinks there are different germs than the ones at daycare.  She calls them "new germs". Not really sure what that means, but I looked everywhere for some and made sure to put everything in my mouth just in case you could only taste them. I even gnawed on the mat on the floor just to be thorough.  Didn't find anything out of the ordinary, though, so I am pretty sure mom is just being crazy like usual. And, for the record, I haven't seen any germs at daycare either. Have you?

I don't know what Halloween is either, but I am very concerned about it. Not only did mom order me one of those costume things, but she got one for one of my dogs, too! She also keeps threatening to take me some place called the "arboretum" and take my picture in something called a "pumpkin patch". What is up with these people? At least I won't be the only baby in a costume, though, if you have to wear one as well. Too bad you don't live closer. I bet we could take them if we banded together! And then THEY would be the ones wearing the silly costumes! Haha!

As for your pants, don't worry. Mom is always cleaning out my closet because I keep growing, too. And, so far, she hasn't been able to make me shrink, so I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it is possible. If it was, I'm sure mom would have done it already because she is always complaining about how fast I outgrow everything and having to buy me new clothes. That said, dad thinks it is HYSTERICAL to put me in three month pants. They still fit in the waist, booty and thighs (mom says I got my daddy's "lack of butt". Whatever that means), but they look like man-pris on me. I am starting to think that parents exist just to make us look silly! They are totally cramping my style!

Stay strong, my brother!

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