Saturday, November 17, 2012

Between Babies: Halloween Recap Edition

Date: Thu, 25 Oct 2012 15:31:05 -0500
Subject: Re: To Banner
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Hi Banner!
Well, I took my first long car trip this weekend, and all I can say is I hope my parents understand that I NEVER want to go on one again.  They had me all excited when they told me about how I was going to go to see my grandparents and even go to a birthday party for my cousin.  What they didn't tell me is that it also meant spending at least three and a half hours in my car seat each way.  (Yeah, I thought the worst was over when we got there, but then the next day we had to go back home and I was stuck in that car seat AGAIN!)  When we're at home, crying always gets my parents to come and pick me up or change me or feed me, pretty much whatever I want.  I don't even have to resort to the loud wails and turning red.  In the car, though, all my mom would do was shake a rattle in my face or try to sing to me to get me to stop crying, no matter how many shades of red my face turned.  Dude, I have to be honest, my mom really shouldn't try to sing.  Where was my dad when all of this was going on?  Driving while petting the dog (who, by the way, got to sit in the front seat while the cold air was blowing on his face) and completely ignoring me who had to sit in the hot car seat.  I don't know which of their behavior was more disappointing.
The actual visiting wasn't so bad.  Although I cannot say that I really enjoyed  the birthday party.  I was attacked by a bunch of kids who wanted to kiss my face as soon as we got there.  And, when everyone else had birthday cake and ice cream, all I got was milk.  Plus, I didn't even get to play with the wrapping paper after all of the gifts were opened.  Seriously, they just threw this perfectly good paper in the trash.  Later that day I got to see my great grandparents, which I didn't even know I had.  I don't exactly know what makes them "greater" than my grandparents.  But, they must be special because the cameras came back out and then the bright lights started flashing as soon as they were holding me.  I was also passed around from person to person all day.  Every time I got acquainted with with whoever was holding me someone else came along and took me away. And, again, I had to resort to crying to get my mom to come and rescue me from all of these people.  (Couldn't she see that I was getting hungry and upset?)  I guess I should be happy she didn't just shake that rattle in my face. 
I am glad that you enjoyed the state fair.  Sorry to hear about the corney dog, but maybe you can try one at the next fair.  Who knows, maybe by then I'll be ready for one, too.  Hey, that Midway place sounds a lot like what I saw at Wal-Mart the other week.  Have you ever been there?  Mom took me in because we were already in the parking lot to drop off recycling so we may as well pick up one or two things we needed.  I tried to not let it bother me, but there were just people everywhere.  I had to resort to crying so my mom would know to hold me and protect me.  I was a little afraid that she'd walk too far away from the buggy where she planted me in my car seat and then I might not see her again.  Given the choice between another long car ride or a trip to Wal-Mart, I am pretty sure I would take the car ride, at least in the car I can always see my mom, and it's quiet. 
It's good to know that I won't be the only baby who is humiliated by having to wear a costume.  At least you know that your dog will be there to help get you through it.  I haven't heard about whether or not my dog has a costume.  I guess if he's a pirate, too, then that wouldn't be so bad.  Although, I think I'd still prefer to skip Halloween altogether.  It would be nice if we could band together to convince our Mom's not to dress us up.  Although, I think it must be easier for us than some girls.  I see some girls at daycare decorated with all kinds of things, and that's every day, not just one day.  I'm so glad to be a boy.
Thank you for warning me about that phone.  I have seen one almost exactly like it at my daycare, and it always seemed like such a friendly toy.  I have to keep my eye on it now.  It's scary to think that we can't trust our toys not to attack us.  I have never seen any germs at my daycare.  However, mom does say that the other kids in my room are giving me their germs and getting me sick.  I think my mom is making it all up, though because I think I would know if someone gave me something, and the only thing I ever get is a bottle and since those come from home, they cannot possibly germs on them.

Anyway, I need to see if I can catch a nap now.  I was up half the night crying and, well, it's kind of left me feeling sleepy today.
Keep it real,

Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:34:37 -0500
Subject: YO HO HO!
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Check it out, Banner!  I got my own ship!
How did Haloween turn out for you?

From: Banner
To: Nathan
Subject: RE: YO HO HO!
Date: Thu, 1 Nov 2012 20:55:45 -0500

Dude.  I am so jealous of your pirate ship.  Auntie Melissa said they called you “Captain Drool” and your ship “The Rubber Ducky”.  Which is pretty much the most awesome thing I’ve ever heard!  Well played mommy and daddy of Nathan.  Well played. 

I was just a dragon and didn’t get a cool nickname.  Although, my parents dressed up one of my dogs as a knight, which was pretty funny.  Haskell is already afraid of me, so it was fun chasing him around the house as a dragon and stealing his sword.  But then they put a leash on Haskell, and took us out for a tour of the neighborhood IN our costumes!  Every now and then they’d drag us up on some random porch and present us to strangers.  Most of these strangers seemed to think I was something called a “dinosaur”, which made me mad.  Obviously, they’ve never seen a fire breathing dragon before.  Then my mom would say, “Trick or Treat” and the strangers would put stuff in my pumpkin.  I don’t know what they put in there, though, because mom later turned around and gave everything in my pumpkin to other kids yelling, “Trick or Treat”.  I am so confused.  What was the point of walking around the neighborhood dressed as a dragon and collecting unidentified objects from strangers if you are just going to give everything away without looking at it first?  Adults make no sense. 

In other news, mom and dad are trying to teach me about something called “sharing”.  Basically, it involves my paci.  When I take it out of my mouth, dad holds out his hand and asks me to give it to him.  I always give it to him, but then stick my lip out and cry because I really didn’t want to give it to him at all.  Especially since he always sucks on it before he gives it back.  Mom says he is just pretending, but I don’t buy it.  I’m supposed to be the only one who sucks on my pacis.  If dad wants a paci so badly, he should go out and get his own!

But then I started thinking about my teething biscuits.  Unlike my pacis, I get a new biscuit every day.  Sometimes two!  I would much rather share my biscuits than my pacis. 

I started out small and tried to share my biscuit with my dogs.  Problem is that they have a tendency to just take the whole thing if you aren’t careful.  So, I learned to just hold on really tight and only let them lick it.  I thought I was doing really well and decided to show my mom what a good sharer I was being, but – instead of being pleased with me - she screamed and got all excited.  This was not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.  I tried to pretend that nothing had happened, but before I could put my biscuit back in my mouth, she took it away completely, washed my hands with soap and exiled the dogs to the backyard.  I was so sad because she threw my biscuit in the trash.  So wasteful.  There was nothing wrong with it!  She gave me a new biscuit after she cleaned me up, but it just wasn’t the same. 

After the whole biscuit-dog-sharing ordeal, I was wary of trying to share again.  But then I started getting teething biscuits at school, too.  I guess my mom finally told my teachers how much I like them when my gums hurt.  Anyway, I noticed that not all of the babies had teething biscuits, so I thought it would be nice if I gave part of mine to one of the new girls as a peace offering.  This would be much better than letting her lick mine like my dogs because:  COOTIES.  So, I broke my biscuit in half, crawled over to one of the new girls and shoved it in her mouth. 

Well, wouldn’t you know that the teachers got all excited over this just like my mom did with the dogs!  I don’t get it.  Am I supposed to share or not?  I am so confused.

Then, as a result of my sharing at school, my teachers decided I couldn’t have a biscuit unless I was in my high chair.  Which sucks because you can’t move around when you are stuck in a high chair.  And my gums hurt a lot nowadays, and I hate having to wait to be put in the high chair so I can have my biscuit.  So, yesterday, I crawled up to one of the girls in my class and decided to chew on her toy for awhile to help my gums feel better.  Except, I guess it wasn’t a toy she was holding, after all.  Just her fingers in a tight, little fist. 

Long story short, she started to cry, which, in turn, made me cry.  I tried to explain that I thought she was holding a toy, but she didn’t listen.  Just screamed bloody murder and turned all red.  And, of course, the teachers never asked for my side of the story.  Then, when mom came to pick me up, my teacher told her I had bitten another baby in class.  I just stared down at the floor and looked ashamed.  I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.  I just wanted my gums to feel better.  If I had never tried to share with the other baby earlier in the week, I would have had my biscuit and would not have accidentally mistaken the new girl’s fingers for something to chew on.  Really this is all mom and dad’s fault.  If they had never taught me about sharing, none of this would have ever happened.  Which is why I’ve decided never to share again.  I don’t think it will be a big deal, though, since I can’t seem to do it right anyway.

Sigh.  Being a baby is so hard sometimes. 

I tried to make it up to the girl I bit, though.  Yesterday afternoon we got to go outside and there were all these push toys for us to play with.  She was sitting on one of the little cars, and I decided to push her all around the playground.  We both had a good time.  I think she has forgiven me.  I remembered what you said about boys not hurting girls ever.  Do you think it counts if it was only an accident?  I didn’t mean to be bad.

(Well, except I bit another classmate this afternoon.  My gums just hurt so bad.  Must...chew...on...something...)

(...must think about something else or might bite computer...)

So...uh...moving on...I’ve never been on a long car ride before, but mom says we are going to something called “the ranch” around something else called “Thanksgiving”.  Not sure what any of that means, but I’m now worried that it will involve many hours in my car seat like you had to endure.  That definitely doesn’t sound like fun, which might be why mom seems so worried about it.  I’ll do my best to convince her that we should just stay at home with my toys...and plenty of things to chomp on.

As for Wal Mart, I’ve only been to one and it was in Colorado.  I was relieved to go there, though, because it was clear that mom and dad hadn’t packed all of the things that I require on a day to day basis.  They are such parenting amateurs.  I’m trying my best to train them, but…well, you know.  Anyway, the Wal Mart in Durango had everything I needed.  It was loud and I didn’t enjoy the frozen foods section, but otherwise it wasn’t that bad.  Maybe the Wal Marts in Colorado are different than Texas?  If I go to another one down here, I’ll launch a proper study and report back to you.  I definitely didn’t enjoy that midway at the fair, so I understand about lots of people and loud noises.  Although, people watching can be fun from the safety of your stroller.  I always keep one eye on my mommy or daddy, though, just in case.  I worry if I lost them, I’d have to start over when a new set of parents.  I’ve got too much time and effort invested in this pair’s training to start over.  Maybe I should get them leashes?  Or tags like the dogs wear with “If lost, return to Banner” on them?  What do you think?

Check ya’ later, Captain Drool!

(gnaw, gnaw, gnaw)


Date: Mon, 12 Nov 2012 11:52:53 -0600
Subject: Re: YO HO HO!
From: Nathan
To: Banner

Hi Banner,
I'm sorry that I didn't write back sooner.  I've just been so exhausted by the time I come home from daycare every day that I haven't checked my email. 
Thank you for liking my pirate ship.  I was completely surprised by it.  I wasn't too happy about being called "Captain Drool," though, because it's not a very tough name.  My mom and dad said that since all I do is drool these days it was the most appropriate name.  I don't know.  Recently, I heard about something called an election and how everyone gets a vote.  I did not get to vote on my pirate name.  I can only conclude that I must have slept through the election, so now I'm trying not to nap as much.  I've even tried waking up at night a few times just to make sure I don't miss out on any important voting opportunities. 
Aunt Melissa sent my mom a picture of you in your dragon costume.  I think that was an AWESOME costume!!!  You had fire and wings! Plus, your dog was a part of your costume.  My dog came trick-or-treating with me, too, but he just wore a candy corn bandana.  If you ask me, he got off easy.  Plus, he got just as many "oh how cutes" as I did.  How is that fair? I was in full costume and pirate ship.  He was just on his leash. 

But, you have to tell me more about collecting things in your pumpkin.  I didn't get to do that part.  My parents didn't even have a pumpkin for me!  They told everyone they were just collecting something called "compliments" that night, and apparently that's not something you carry in a pumpkin. I'm thinking my mom and dad did not understand how Halloween is supposed to work.  I may have to explain trick or treating to them before next year. 
I have heard of sharing before, although my mom says it's about germs.  I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing, though. My mom usually doesn't sound happy when she says that my classmates at daycare have been sharing germs again, so I think sharing is bad.  Good or bad, I can understand not wanting to share your paci.  I don't want anyone else touching my paci.  I'm not even too happy when my mom and dad take it out of my hands, and I'm pretty sure I would scream if either of them tried to suck on it.  I think that you are very nice to share your teething biscuits, though.  I would be pretty happy if someone at daycare gave me some of their food to eat.  So far, I only occasionally wear food from the other kids.  In fact, the first time my mom saw baby food on my shirt, she made a big deal out of it and made it very clear that I was only to get my bottles at school.
Banner, I have to ask about this teething thing.  I heard Tanner's mom complain last week that he doesn't sleep at night anymore and he's constantly crying now that he's teething.  (It is true, Tanner's been pretty upset lately.)  And, you've said that your gums hurt a lot, too.  I'm starting to get a little scared about getting teeth.  I like sleeping at night.  Is it really necessary to grow teeth?  Do you think that maybe I can avoid it? 
I wouldn't worry too much about biting that little girl's hand.  I mean, you thought she had a toy; it sounds like an honest mistake.  Since she let you push her around on the toy, she probably has forgiven you, too.  I think that if you hurt someone on accident, even if it's a girl, then it's okay.  For example, my parents are always telling me to be nice to my dog and not to hurt him.  But, then, my mom and dad are always stepping on our dog when he lays down next to their feet and then they get up from the couch.  He gets mad and growls at them for stepping on him, but then they pet him and say "I'm sorry." He seems to understand and forgive them.  Although, this whole incident makes me wonder if sucking on my hand is safe for me to do (no offense).  I've considered switching to my toes, but for now, I can only manage to grab them and pull off my socks.  I haven't quite figured how to put my toes in my mouth yet. 
I am sorry that it sounds like you have a long car ride ahead of you.  The first part of the trip really wasn't too bad when I was asleep.  But, as a general rule, I do not like being tied to my car seat.  So, I did not find spending hours in the car seat to be fun.  I hope it doesn't go as bad for you as it did for me the first time.  Hey, maybe if you cry your mom or dad will just think that your gums hurt and then they'll give you extra teething biscuits.  Then it won't be much different from sitting in your high chair at school.  However, I have heard whispers about another trip for Thanksgiving, too, and I'm a little worried about it.  My dad has been telling me all about Turkey and stuffing, but then he says, "Maybe you can eat that next year."  I am starting to think it is just going to be a repeat of the birthday party where I did not get cake and ice cream.  If only my mom weren't so strict on this "bottles only" ordeal... she says I'm too little for food still.  Dude, I've almost tripled my birth weight.  What more can I do?
I like the idea of putting tags on your parents to make sure you get them back if they wander too far away.  I tried spitting up on my mom every morning so that she'd remember me, but that seems to wash off too easily.  But, maybe maybe the tags would work better.  I am not sure where to get them, though.  Mom and Dad are always buying things off of something called the "Internet."  Do you think that place has tags so babies can claim their parents? 
Oh, and I had the BEST surprise when I got to daycare today!  Jess moved up to the next class.  She had been disappearing for part of the day all last week, and I heard them say that she was visiting her new classroom.  Of course, had I known that she was going to be moving for good then I probably would have told her bye.  I feel a little bad for Mia, though, because she lost her playmate.  Maybe now there is room for a new baby at school and I won't be the only immobile lump.  
I think that daycare has given up on getting me to roll over.  They're working on something called "sitting" now.  I have seen my dog sit tons of times.  He even gets a treat when my mom and dad ask him to sit.  So, I'm trying to copy him.  Whenever someone tells me it's time to practice sitting, I have my bottom on the ground, my head up off the floor and my front hands on the ground in front of me.  I think it looks a lot like the way my dog sits, I even lean forward a bit like he does, so I must be doing it right.  So far, no treats, though.  Maybe it's because I'm not sitting long enough.  I do tip over onto my side or my face after about ten seconds.  I've never seen my dog do that.  I tried to ask him how he stays up in the sit, but when I try to talk to him he just licks my feet.  (And that's another reason to suck my toes, they obviously taste good.)
Well, it's time for my lunch time bottle and nap so I should be going.  Take care, Ban-man.

From: Banner
To: Nathan
Subject: RE: YO HO HO!
Date: Sat, 17 Nov 2012 14:14:42 -0600

Waz up, Nathan?!

I think “Captain Drool” is an awesome name.  My dog, Haskell, drools all the time and he is a super nice guy.  And I saw a rhino at the zoo on Monday that appeared to be drooling.  Maybe you are just looking at it the wrong way?  I was pretty far away from the rhino, but he seemed pretty tough.  I wouldn’t mess with him.

Like you, I am SO happy that election thing is over.  I have no idea who was running for office, but apparently my Mom and Dad have different views and opinions when it comes to something called “politics”.  Who cares about that Ohio place anyway?  I’ve been living in a battleground home for months!  Mom and Dad both kept trying to recruit the other members of the household to their side.  Mom told me that dogs are for democrats, but Dad then said that pups are for republicans.  It was very confusing.  I tried to get Haskell to tell me who he was going to vote for, but he was apparently too busy plotting how to get the angel food cake and ginger snap brownies my uncle made from scratch when no one was looking.  He promised to share with me when he got them down off the stove, but I guess he forgot because the only evidence that there ever was homemade treats in the house was a licked clean platter and a partially eaten piece of red saran wrap laying in a ball on the kitchen floor.  Dad was very mad at Haskell, but I don’t think Haskell cared.  Mom thought Haskell would be sick to his tummy after eating so much junk food, but he never was (which made Dad even more angry).  Haskell did poop out pieces of red saran wrap for days, though.  Do you think that means he voted republican?

Mom and Dad are still making me share, but it is okay.  I don’t mind sharing if they give what I am sharing back immediately after I share it.  It is when I share and I don’t get back what I shared that I have a problem.  People who keep what I’ve shared with them obviously don’t understand how sharing works. 

Speaking of sharing, Mom has also started giving me some of her food to try when she eats.  I like this because everything she has on her plate tastes so much better than my regular pureed peas and carrots.  The best, though, is when I go to lunch with Grammy Pammy.  Mom only lets me try veggies, fruit, rice and the occasional pancake, but my grandmother sneaks me things like French fries and guacamole.  On Monday she even gave me a piece of her pork tamale.  I loved it, but I think mom almost had a heart attack when she noticed what I was eating.  Adult food is awesome.

Do you think your mom will let you have something other than milk soon?  My mom finally caved when I was about six months old.  It takes awhile to get to the good stuff, but it is a fun journey for your taste buds, my friend!

Teething sucks!  I got two teeth when I was four months on the bottom.  Mom didn’t even realize that they were coming in, but I did and they gave me an ear infection.  After that, though, I could feel my gums hurting a lot, but no new teeth came in over the summer.  The doctor said sometimes the teeth move around a lot before breaking through the gums.  I guess that was happening to me, and it wasn’t any fun at all.  Then, all of a sudden in late September, I got FIVE more teeth.  Just when one would break through the surface and feel better, another one would start hurting.  It made me so mad!  Sometimes it hurt so much that I couldn’t sleep, and Mom and Dad would have to give me that yucky tasting Tylenol stuff.  Day care wanted to give me some sort of ointment that adults rub on our sore gums to make them feel better, but Mom wouldn’t let me have any because she saw something on TV that said it was bad.  Instead I got all these cold, plastic rings to chew on.  Problem is that they don’t stay cold for very long, and there isn’t as much relief with a warm, plastic ring.  It has to be cold to do the job.

The good news is that once the teeth break through, they don’t hurt anymore.  I just worry that I’m not done teething yet.  I think seven teeth is plenty, but I don’t really know how many seven is.  It does seem to be less than Mom and Dad have, though, which doesn’t bode well for the whole done-with-teething thing.  Alas.

I don't know when or what this whole Thanksgiving thing is, but I think it is happening sooner than later because Mom has started making a list of all the things I will need to survive.  She is also very concerned about the car ride which will last three and a half hours!  Dad wanted to leave on Wednesday after work, but Mom was too worried about driving after dark during something called "deer suicide season" in something else called "the country".  This entire trip doesn't sound like any fun at all.  

Gobble, gobble!


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