Happy Father's Day, Trev!

Because Banner already knows he wants to 
grow up to be just like his daddy! 

Because it is one thing to be a contender for the Darwin Award. It is something else entirely to take your children down with you.

Ya'll.  I am so angry.

I had to go over to my sister's early this morning.  Her alarm has been malfunctioning and went off several times in the middle of the night.  She's out of town, and I'm number two on the security company's call list.  I asked the alarm company to put her system on "test" until 10 AM, so I could get some sleep and head over there after Banner was awake and fed.

So, around 9 AM, I got into the car while Banner and Trevor were busy watching The Animal Sounds Song on You Tube.  Amy lives only about a mile away, so nothing about my journey took very long.

I exited off the main road onto her street, and slowed down for the narrow, 90 degree turn that her street makes about a tenth of a mile into her residential neighborhood.  There are always cars parked along this curve, and I drive a SUV.  It is impossible to take this turn going faster than 15 miles per hour (at least in my car), and I'm not just saying that because of the following story.  It is just one of those sharp turns.  I know it is there and it is difficult to see any other cars coming in the other direction.  It is simply necessary to slow down when approaching it.

And it is a good thing I did, because walking down the middle of the street on the far side of the curve was a gaggle of mothers and their children.

Again.  They were WALKING.  Down the MIDDLE of the EFFING street.  With their children.

I counted seven mothers.  Each pushing a stroller with at least one kid in it.  Several even had an infants in Bjorns strapped to their chests.

At first I didn't think very much of it.  I pulled up behind one of the parked cars along the wide end of the curve and slowed to a stop to let them all pass.  And that is when one of the mothers, wearing a long, black, strapless maxi dress, walked over to my car, banged on my driver's side window and shouted, "You need to slow down when driving through OUR neighborhood.  There are children here!"

Like I couldn't see them all standing there in the middle of the road.

But I said nothing.  Just stared back at her and blinked.

Never in my life have I wanted to yell at someone so much.  And I probably would have if there hadn't been at least ten children under the age of three with her and her other mom friends.  Because regardless of the fact that I was driving about 5 miles per hour under the max speed of most school zones in the City of Dallas, these moms were intentionally walking their children down the middle of the street right before what is essentially a blind curve.  What if I hadn't been familiar with the turn?  What if I was driving a sportier, turn-loving car?  What if Amy didn't live only a few houses down from this particular bend in the road?  What if I had been speeding?  Or not paying attention?  They all could have been plowed over like bowling pins!

Not to mention the fact that these moms were teaching their kids that it is acceptable to walk down the middle of the street in an area with perfectly good sidewalks on both sides of the block.  And I'm typing this knowing full well that there are parts of my neighborhood where I have no choice but to push the stroller in the street.  But it is always by necessity, not choice.  And owing to the fact that I don't want to get hit by a car, I always hug the curb.  It would never occur to me to march my baby down the middle of the road meant for vehicular traffic like that, nor would I ever feel comfortable doing so in the first place - especially so close to a curve where I can't see oncoming traffic or they me.

Instead of saying any of this to the b*tch in the black maxi dress, though, I just stared at her and waited for them to pass before coasting to Amy's house to deal with the alarm situation.  I'm pretty sure I had visible steam coming out of my ears.

This is one situation where I wish I was better with confrontation, because - the more I think about it - those mothers needed to hear that what they are doing is needlessly reckless and stupid.  They are taking unnecessary risks with their children just so they can walk in a horizontal line down the middle of a road.  I'm sure it is easier to talk and socialize that way, but is it really worth it?

And then for her to have the gall to bang on my car window and call me out?  For what?  Driving?  In the road meant for cars, not playgroups?

Maybe it is just me, but this is one of those situations where I wish I could go back in time and give her a piece of my mind.  If for no other reason than it might resonate with one of the other mothers and convince her to use the bleeping sidewalk.  Because, really?  That is what they are there for.

My little fish...

Banner started swimming lessons on Monday.  Technically, his first lesson was last Thursday, but they will be most Monday mornings from here on out this summer.  Other than learning to swim, the weekly lessons will also allow my mom spend some quality time one-on-one with her grandson while I get a chance to run across the street to the gym. 

Speaking of pools and babies:  Am I the only one that has very little faith in swim diapers?  Because I'm pretty sure if Banner pooped, the entire pool would have to be evacuated and drained regardless of whatever precautions I had taken in advance.  I have both the disposable and reusable kinds, but have only ever used the reusable baby speedo diaper.  Luckily, Banner hasn't felt the urge to, ahem, "test" any of his diapers in the pool to date.  I just don't see how any of these devices can possibly work well with poop on the line.  But maybe I just have trust issues.

Arboretum with my boys...

Sunday morning dawned with heavy rain, wind and thunder.  Banner slept in until after nine, and it was so wonderful to listen to the sound of the rain on the roof while still snuggled in bed.

When the B-Man finally started to stir, however, I went to the kitchen to let the dogs out, and noticed that the morning air was cool and breezy.  Something exceptionally rare around these parts in (almost) the middle of June.  Wanting to soak up the last bit of spring before summer arrived later that afternoon, we were dressed and at the Arboretum less than an hour later.

Because spring/early summer is one of the busiest times of the year for me at the museum, poor Banner has only been to the Arboretum two or three times since April, and not with his daddy since we initially purchased the membership back in February.  It is amazing to me to realize just how much he has grown and developed in four short months.  He is leaps and bounds more coordinated, inquisitive and active at seventeen months than he was at thirteen months.  I know this seems like an obvious development, but it still blows my mind how fast my baby has grown and changed over the course of the spring.  And nothing seemed to exemplify this more to me than the fact that we left both the stroller and the wagon at home and simply let Banner loose to run around the grounds for nearly TWO HOURS.

Have I mentioned my son has A LOT of energy?  It is getting harder and harder to wear his little tush out!

Banner called the horse apple a "Bapple".
He thought it was a "ball" but we kept calling it an "apple".
Bapple was a nice compromise.

We visited the little houses, but didn't stay long (it was super muddy thanks to all the rain).  Plus, Banner lost his balance trying to take off his hat, and fell into a thorny rose bush.  The back of his little arm was all scratched up, but he hardly cried at all.  He obviously has my pain tolerance.  Trevor would have required a morphine shot.

We walked around the main part of the Arboretum, stopping every few minutes to splash in fountains, climb up and down stairs and chase squirrels and bunnies.  I don't know if the garden animals normally allow people to get so close to them, but Banner greatly enjoyed giving them chase around (and through) many of the beds.  We even saw a highly annoyed raccoon who was chased out of his tree by a group of three highly pissed off squirrels.  Poor thing looked so grumpy (so would I if I had been so rudely roused from a deep sleep in the middle of the night day!) as he stomped off into the bushes.

We ended our morning at the giant frogs playing in the water.  Banner was fascinated by the fountain and loved splashing around and getting wet.  I think he could have happily played there for hours.  He is turning into such a little water bug.  I have a feeling that in a few years, every spare summer moment will be spent in, near or on the water.

My boys.

It was a good day.

My little monkey when to the zoo (again)...

 

 

Let me start of this post by saying that I've never actually used the baby leash.  I received it as a gag present (along with THIS little gem) from one of my college besties when I was pregnant, but it hadn't even been out of the closet (much less the box) until ten days ago.  And even then it was my mom and sister who used it.  I'm torn between the whole "OMG, my baby is on a leash...like a dog!" and "OMG, my baby NEEDS a leash...just like a dog!" 

 

It is very confusing.

 

Honestly, I see nothing wrong with the baby leash, and Banner loves it.  Plus, in a crowd, I can see how it definitely has its advantages.  Banner has reached an age where he wants to run around and explore.  In a non linear fashion while weaving in and out of traffic at top speed.  He isn't interested in holding hands or being carried.  He'll tolerate the stroller, but only for about seven minutes.  The child only stops moving when he is asleep, and is completely fearless (except when it comes to giant, metal elephants at the zoo). 



Dragging Grammy Pammy around the zoo.

 

I'm actually convinced the baby leash was invented for toddlers like Banner.  People who judge other parents for using leashes have either never had toddler or weren't blessed with a pint sized version of The Flash.

 

Plus, I'm all for keeping Banner safe.  If that involves a baby leash, so be it.

 

(And I totally say that now, but - again - have yet to use the thing myself.  I am such a wimp.  Why do I care what other people think?!)

 

Anyhoo, on June 1st, Grammy Pammy and Auntie Amy took Banner to the Dallas Zoo for some sort of evening fundraiser.  He got to feed the giraffes, pet goats, go on pony AND camel rides, play in the zoo's water features and eat a variety of cookies and popsicles that would have never been allowed if mommy had been there.

 

I really can't complain, though, because he was returned to me completely exhausted and slept until nearly 10 AM the next day.  Say whaaaaaat?!

 

All in all, it sounds like the little guy had much more fun this time around than he did back in November.  Mobility makes all the difference in the world.

 

Here are some pictures of Banner's second trip to the zoo:

 

Finally big enough to ride the pony.

He LOVED this car and threw a little fit when it was time to move on.

He rode the camel TWICE.

RIP orange scrubby thingy...

Back story:  Amy came over to play with Banner in the backyard, and had some sort of weird allergic reaction to sitting in the grass.  After itching miserably for an hour, she jumped in our shower to rinse off before heading out to grab dinner before the Game of Thrones season finale. 

Later, Trevor takes a shower and notices that my poof (pouf?  What are those things called?) was ripped and torn like it had been mauled by a pack of rabid garden snails.  Hence...

 

 

Memorial Day Recap...

I was going to post an entire entry summing up Memorial Day, but - dude - that was almost two weeks ago.  When did I get so behind?  And why can't I catch up?

#badblogger

But there was ONE story from the long weekend that I want to be sure and remember, because it is the kind of childhood gold that gets repeated decades later at college graduations and rehearsal dinners.  It goes a little something like this:

On Sunday, May 19th, we invited Banner's aunts and uncles that were in Dallas over to grill in the backyard.  We made copious amounts of guacamole, listened to the Ranger's beat the Detroit Tigers on the radio and watched my baby streak around half naked the yard.  I even got stung by a wasp, and chased two Benadryl with a glass of wine.  It was that kind of fabulous. 

Thanks to all the antibiotics he was on last month, Banner was suffering from a pretty bad diaper rash and we figured running around sans diaper might give the area an opportunity to air out a bit.  Plus, Amy had bought him an inflatable wading pool, and who really wants to deal with a swim diaper?

(Famous last words, right?!)

Honestly, I wasn't really concerned about...ahem, "party fouls", because Banner had taken THREE massive poops earlier that day.  He only weighs 27 pounds, and I figured there could only be so much in there.

(You can see where this is going, can't you?)

Banner happily ran around in nothing but a sun shirt for hours without incident before unceremoniously pooping in the pool.  This created quite the stir as Amy drained the water, Allison wiped his little hiney and I picked up all his bath toys and washed them in a bucket of water and bleach.  We were in the process of filling up the pool again, when I looked over just in time to see my son squat down and poop in the yard.  LIKE A DOG.  Trevor was called in to deal with this one.  Except, upon further investigation, multiple piles were discovered all over the yard.  He'd been at this for awhile.

After everything had calmed down a bit, Allison, Amy and I were talking while Banner - now presumably several pounds lighter - continued to run around the yard sans pants.  Since we were all sitting in the shade, Banner ventured over and started handing us all various things he found on the ground (sticks, small rocks, leaves, etc.).  And that's when he handed his aunt Allison something warm, brown and damp.

Need I say more?

If Banner never has any first cousins to play with, I'm sure we will all be able to trace it back to Memorial Day weekend 2013.  My child was like a walking, talking and pooping advertisement for birth control. 

Here are some other pictures of my baby (NOT POOPING) to remember the long weekend by:

"Driving" the cart at Whole Foods.

Eating at the dinning room table like a big boy.

Listening to live music at the Memorial Day picnic at the DCC

(He LOVED it and kept dancing and waving at the musicians on stage)

Baby's first clown

Where's Waldo...

Sometimes you need to make a giant mess in order to find 

the perfect place to sit quietly and read a book.