Monster, Milk and a little about "Jebus"...

This morning we had a very large group of 150+ 4th graders visit the museum. Since it was cold outside, they asked if they could eat indoors (normally we do not allow food or drink inside the building, but we do make the occasional weather-related exception). While they were eating, I stopped by periodically to make sure that everything was going okay, remind the teachers when their next tour of the museum was scheduled to start, ask the kids to use "their inside voices", etc. During one of these visits, I came across a group of 4th graders drinking:


Not half an hour later, said 4th graders were seen sprinting up and down the aisle of the lecture hall carrying imaginary weaponry (namely automatic rifles, bazookas and long range canons). Their parents, who were chaperones, didn’t seem surprised (or, for that matter, called upon to do something about their child’s bad behavior). Apparently each of the kids had been diagnosed with ADHD. This, at least in my mind, begs two questions:

1) Are you sure your kid has ADHD? Is it possible that their symptoms are, say, more of an effect of you (i.e. the parent) allowing them to drink the equivalent of 4 ½ cups of coffee at lunchtime?

2) If your kid does indeed have ADHD, why would you let them consume something that would only exacerbate their issues with attention deficiency as well as hyperactivity right before an educational event which requires them to be both attention efficient and relatively quiescent?! I mean, call me crazy…!!!

Around the same time, I was firmly reprimanded for the museum’s lack of a “breast pumping facility”. Had this particular mother asked me beforehand, I would have gladly shown her to the much more private staff bathrooms. However, she didn’t and insisted on pumping in the public ladies room with, “twenty-some-odd 4th grade girls as witnesses” (her quote, not mine). Because, you know, that’s somehow MY fault.

I was further chastised for the absence of an ice machine in the women’s room. Not only that, but ice wasn’t accessible anywhere near the bathroom. Therefore, the Lactating Lady had to come out into the lobby and ask me for ice (which, by the way, I gladly provided for her from the staff lounge). Now, I’ve never spawned or breast fed, but I can’t say that it has EVER occurred to me that I was iceless whilst utilizing the public facilities at my local history museum. Maybe you have to be a Mammary Momma (don’t worry, I also got the lecture which started with, “Well, one day you’ll understand…”)?!

However, the best shake-your-head moment came at the end of the second tour (which, by the way, I had to lead). I should start by mentioning that the 150+ 4th graders came from a large CHRISTIAN school in North Dallas. Anyway, in the last exhibition room on the tour, I lead the group past a display case full of antique artifacts that date back to the time of the first European explorers that landed on the sandy beaches of modern day Texas. Included among these items is a crucifix. Here is the conversation that transpired:

BOY: “Ma’am, who is that man there?”

ME: “You mean Jesus?” (I almost said “Jebus”, though, because I thought the kid HAD TO BE KIDDING ME).

BOY: “Was he fighting for Texas independence, too?”

ME: “Uh…”

BOY’S MOTHER: “That’s Jesus, honey. Remember? We’ve talked about Jesus. [Turning to me…] Don’t worry. He knows about Jesus.”

ME: “Oh. Okay.”

Is it just me, or should a kid receiving a CHRISTIAN education at a CHRISTIAN school know who Jesus is? Maybe my expectations are too high?

(*Alas*)

Anyway, that was my morning. And WHAT a morning it was! I spent the rest of the day wishing it was appropriate to take a mid-afternoon nap in my office. Maybe I should invest in some of that Monster stuff? It definitely perked those kids up!