The conversation started at 2:33 PM and ended at 5:12 PM.
[Note: Every line represents an individual email]
BERT: “Do you have any contact info for *Alice?”
Me: “Maybe.”
BERT: “What do you mean ‘maybe’??? Either you do or you don't. But it is in your benefit if you do.”
Me: “What’s in it for me?”
BERT: “It's a surprise. A good surprise. Not a ‘I-stuck-with-the-gnome-who-won't-give-up-the-chocolate-bomb’ surprise.”
Me: “I’d prefer money.”
BERT: “Would you accept devotion instead?”
Me: “Sorry. Visa, MasterCard, check or cash. I no longer accept Discover.”
BERT: “Well at least you are more accommodating than Neiman Marcus. Deal. Now can I have contact info?”
Me: “How ‘bout peanut M&Ms? Do you have any of those?”
BERT: “Those I can get. If you are really good, I might throw some cookies in the mix.”
Me: “Will the M&Ms be the original colors, or Christmas themed?”
BERT: “Your choice.”
Me: “No. This is a test. Chose.”
BERT: “You don't have the info, do you???”
Me: “No, I do. I have it right here.”
BERT: “I don't believe you. You are stringing this along because you don't have the info.”
Me: “No, I’m stringing this along because the document I’m working on this afternoon is driving me crazy and I like the distraction.”
BERT: “I would still email you if I had the info. I have other questions and conversation topics for you.”
Me: “Stop stalling. Regular colors or Christmas colors? Also, do you have access to the mints they have at the Dallas Country Club?”
BERT: “Christmas. No. Now can I have the info?”
Me: “Can you figure out how to obtain access to the mints at the Dallas Country Club?”
BERT: “I know nothing about the mints.”
Me: “Sigh. You’re no help, which is tragic because I’m craving those mints RIGHT NOW! Here are *Alice’s email addresses: [*address 1, *address 2].”
BERT: “Sorry. But you are a peach for getting me the info. I put in a good word for you with Santa.”
* Names/addresses changed to protect the innocent.
3 comments:
As in Bert and Ernie? Cause that doesn't make any sense.... Bert wasn't a bird - now if you were to say Big Bird I could totally get behind that nickname - or even Snuffy since at least he was Big Bird's BFF.
You're a dork.
I was going to make that point about BERT, but it's already taken.
I'm wondering, though, was she right about the M&M's?
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