At least I no longer wear socks with my birkenstocks. That's progress, right?

I got my nails done for the first time in months on Monday.  Since spawning, I rarely get mani/pedis anymore.  But this weekend I'm heading east for my high school reunion and figured my nails needed a little TLC.

I NEVER get color on my nails, because I am a terrible visualizer and have commitment issues.  In fact, the LAST TIME I had a "color" on my nails was YEARS ago after I ran a half marathon and one of my toenails turned black.  It was gross and I couldn't take it, so I painted my toes bright red to cover up the problem. 

Other than that, though, my nails are usually naked or painted in the very boring French or American style.  But something happened at the salon on Monday afternoon, and I found myself asking the nice lady to paint my nails a deep, dark purple.  The color just called to me, which NEVER HAPPENS. 

Y'all.  It was terrifying.

I texted Trevor and he was completely unsupportive of my impulse nail color selection.  Something about his having to work, nail color being temporary and "real world problems".  Blah, blah, blah.

And then it got worse because I sort of fell asleep during the whole massage thing, and awoke to discover that BOTH my hands and feet were painted purple. 

(I thought I was getting my usual French on my toes to disguise the fact that I have freakishly small toenails.)

And, OMG, the purple looks BLACK.

Technically, this has PAY BACK written all over it because black nails totally remind me of a certain vegan high school classmate of mine and an incident involving me accidentally leaving a bag of unrefrigerated cow fat in the school bio lab overnight. 

(Cut me some slack.  I was making lye soap from scratch for some sort of legit school project.)

Seriously.  The nail color is totally fitting in an oops-I-totally-didn't-do-this-on-purpose kind of way.

(Just like THE FAT, y'all.  Again:  IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.)

Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure my nails shocked Trevor and revolted my mother.  I kind of thought my sister would like it, but apparently "dark nail colors are a young-person trend for the cold weather months".

Well, f*ck.

So now I am officially an old fart sporting a seasonally inappropriate nail color that brings back bizarre memories from fifteen years ago RIGHT BEFORE I'm scheduled to see people I haven't seen in more than a decade.  Just my luck.

Secretly I still like the color.  I even tried to convince Trevor that, "I don't care what other people think."

He laughed at me a lot and called me a liar.