It’s THAT time of the year again…

Photo "borrowed" from NPR

Yep. It’s DAY ONE of the State Fair of Texas. The beginning of 24 straight days of fried food, no parking and thousands of super-weird people.

CASE IN POINT: Around noon, I was sitting at my desk composing an email. Out of nowhere, I had the overwhelming sensation that I was being watched. Turning slowly in my chair, I discovered a man outside my office window eating a giant, greasy turkey leg.

He was staring at me.

Not really know how to respond to this, I turned back to my computer and continued to type.

A couple of super-awkward minutes went by before I (finally) couldn’t take it any longer and turned back towards the window. He was still there. This time he waved and winked at me.

I stared back and kind of blinked at him in disbelief. What on earth could he be so fascinated with anyway? People typing on keyboards isn’t exactly what I consider edge-of-your-seat entertainment. And it wasn’t like he was going to gain insight into the secret life of a museum educator by watching me work. Dude, I’m not a State Fair exhibit or a goldfish - LEAVE ME ALONE!

Sadly, my feelings on the issue were not obvious, and the strange guy continued to stare at me until he finally finished gnawing on his turkey leg. Once done, he casually walked away and left me in peace.

Even though I haven’t seen him since, I decided to close my blinds. I’ve had my fill of creepiness today.

Got to have faith, faith, faith...

Today, there was a gas leak in front of the Embarcadero at the same time the State Fair was supposed to test the fireworks on top of my museum for the opening ceremonies tomorrow.

Surprisingly, I haven’t blown up yet.

Janice, it ain't funny!

Oh, but it IS:

HAHAHA!

Pearl is my new hero...

These are wrong, but oh-so funny. I love you, Will Farrell!

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Run, Schnitzel! Run!

Schnitzel runs again at the 2008 Oktoberfest Dachshund Dash
in Addison, Texas.

Grrrrrrr...

I am continually fascinated by the fact that when you report loose or stray animals (or in my case this morning: three stray dogs - two of which were in the process of mating in the parking lot of a local grocery store), the City sends an email notifying you that they'll get on it in 40 days. Maybe. Because, after all, it is only an “estimated completion time”.

I mean, I understand that Animal Services is busy and all, but - seriously?! 40 days?! Where will those dogs BE on the 28th of October? Because I doubt they will still be in the vicinity of the grocery store where I saw them this morning. And the female dog (who looked like she had current litter of puppies in addition to ones being conceived) will be more than halfway through her pregnancy at that point!

There has got to be a better way!

I also enjoyed all the statements and notes (which I’ve bolded for your convenience) informing me of potential further delays in processing my service request.

Sigh…

The City of Dallas: The City That Works. What a joke!

From: Dallas311
Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2008 11:31 AM
To: Deals
Subject: Animal - Loose - DCC;

Thank you for contacting the City of Dallas to report your concern regarding – [East Dallas Address], GROCERY STORY PARKING LOT, DALLAS, TX 752XX. Your SR # - 08-0048[XXXX] has been assigned to the Department of Code Compliance Animal Services; Service Request Type - Animal - Loose - DCC. The estimated completion time for service requests of this nature is 40 days.

In the event this Service Request should be addressed by another City department, your request will be forwarded to the appropriate office for response. Please note that the response time for your concern may be extended due to the change in the service type.

Please contact our Quality Assurance Office at 214 670-8021 if there is a problem or concern regarding the system or Code procedures, please contact the 3-1-1 Office if you have any questions regarding your request for service. Please provide them with your Service Request Number.

Note: There may be a short delay in posting your service request information.

Shaking my head in frustration (and to keep the sweat from dripping into my eyes)...

Does it make any sense why the City of Dallas would test the museum’s heating system on the very afternoon the AC units fail? I mean, seriously! Are they trying to create a hostile working environment? Because I’m sweating bullets at my desk here! And my mood?! Yeah, let’s just say that I’m less than amused by the situation.

Grrrrrrrrr…

Maybe I should start watching SNL again...

...because this was freakin' hilarious!

Thanks to Mel for sending me the link!

Are you ready for some football?

Because THEY are:

Eagles VERSUS Cowboys

All the contenders showed up for string cheese the game.

Alley came to play.

Gypsy wanted OUT of her jersey...

...And Haskell? Well, he just likes to wear clothes, so he was game
(even if his team wasn't on TV).

We are just one dog short of having a
canine representative from each of the NFC East teams.

Too bad Alley’s team had to win. Boo.

For Denise...

You're totally going to get one of these for your car, right?!

It all makes sense now...

As if things weren’t crazy enough, I got the following email forward from my mother this morning:

DUE TO RECENT BUDGET CUTS,
THE RISING COST OF ELECTRICITY AND FUEL,
AND THE THREAT OF INCREASED TAXES,
THE 'LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL'
HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

Sigh. At least, they gave me notice this time...

From my JUNK EMAIL folder...

From: Uliana M. [mailto:jeffis@electronichookup.com]
Sent: Saturday, September 06, 2008 2:25 AM
To: Joerg
Subject: Re[3]: Saturday Night Special

Hello, Joerg

Now I am half the man, may be that is because you are the other half of me? You know, I have a dream that I can follow through – I am looking for you, my only one, in the long corridors of this life!! Will you give me your hand and lead me to the corner of the earth where happieness is born??

Just write to me at [presumed naughty website] and I will show you my heart, that is oh, so true!!


All the best

Uliana M.

I get junk email like this all the time, but this one really cracked me up. Maybe I need to find Joerg, too? I’m kind of curious about “the corner of the earth where happieness [sic] is born”. I wonder if they have Mondays there?

The Gender Card...

And to think the conventions are over! Politics crack me up...

(A special thanks to Rusty for sending me the link.)

Like an online dictionary, but different...

Main Entry: Cattle Moocher
Pronunciation: cat•tle müchˈər
Function: Noun

Definition: A person who does not buy the cow because they are getting the milk for free.

Use in a sentence: "Trevor can't move in with me before we are married! People will think he's a cattle moocher!"

Another installment of "Is It Just Me Or ...?"

Is it just me or does Gene Wilder look a lot like Martin Short?




And if you agree, does that mean that Gene Wilder looks a lot like Barry Manilow?

Anyone? Anyone?

When standing there is too much effort...

Haskell managed to “break” his tail again yesterday.

Please note that Swimmers Tail is usually brought about when a dog overexerts himself. The most excitement Haskell saw yesterday, however, was when I decided to give him a bath in the backyard. And he was tied up for most of that (Haskell is not a big fan of taking baths and can be surprisingly agile when he doesn’t want to be caught). After being thoroughly washed, conditioned, toweled-off and brushed, Haskell spent the rest of the afternoon lying on his day bed in the hallway listening to classical music.

In other words, I did all the work, but my lazy-a$$ dog is the one who needs a massage and anti-inflammatory medication.

And to make it all worse, the little bugger keeps staring at me and squeaking as if to say, “I know you did this to me! My tail hurts and it is all YOUR fault!”

I swear, that dog never ceases to amaze me.

Lucy the Cow: The Saga Continues…

From: Megan
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:33 AM
To: Deals and others
Cc: Melissa
Subject: GS Meeting Location Change

Hey everyone,

There will be some construction going on in Park Cities the day of our meeting, so we will now meet in the administrative offices at DHV. For those of you that haven’t visited us before, just park in the visitor lot and walk in through the delivery gate (by the donkeys). Admin is the second house down the way, on the right, closest to the highway.

Enjoy the long weekend!
Meg

________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:29 AM
To: Megan
Cc: Melissa
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Will Lucy be coming to the meeting?

________________________________________
From: Megan
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:37 AM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Lucy is in charge of the meeting. She’s also looking for an executive assistant, if you’re interested.

________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:44 AM
To: Megan
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Does it pay well?

________________________________________
From: Megan
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:53 AM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Starting salary is like 80,000 tons of crap per year…Lucy says it’s negotiable based on experience.

________________________________________From: Deals
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 10:58 AM
To: Megan
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Hmmmmmm…that IS very tempting. Does that include benefits? Paid vacation? Dental?

________________________________________
From: Megan
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 11:08 AM
To: Deals
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Both, and housing. Lucy needs constant love and attention so you would be required to stay in the barn.

________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 11:14 AM
To: Megan
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Will I be allowed to take her to get routine mani/pedis, buy her the tiara she deserves, take her to lunch with Elsie at the Mansion, etc.? I also feel strongly that Lucy should be able to move into the Blume house. Mrs. Blume can stay there as long as she agrees to wait on Lucy hoof and tail and make bovine-friendly, organic treats regularly.

________________________________________
From: Megan
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 11:26 AM
To: Deals
Cc: Melissa
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Lucy says you’re hired. You start Tuesday.

________________________________________
From: Deals
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 2:32 PM
To: Megan
Cc: Melissa
Subject: RE: GS Meeting Location Change

Will Tracy be knitting Lucy and me matching outfits for the holiday season? Lucy also really wants a wreath of some sort to wear around her neck during Candlelight – preferably one with blinking lights and a big, red bow. Oh, and Lucy told me she’d really like a pet pig named “Hamlet” that she can take for morning and afternoon walks around DHV to loose some of the baby fat she acquired when she birthed her last calf. She’s already asked that I look into purchasing her a sweat band this weekend.

See you next week!