From the desk of Deals On Wheels...

To Whom It May Concern:

I don’t know who you are, where you are or why you mistakenly used my home phone number when listing your 2002 Lexus LS 430 online. So far, thirteen people have called to enquire about a vehicle I know nothing about. I’d pass their names and contact information along to you, but – again – I do not know how to reach you. This is probably a good thing since I started receiving phone calls at the a$$ crack of dawn this morning, and want nothing more than to track you down and beat your careless posterior with a small stick (as it will sting more).

Please be advised that the longer I spend online looking for your ad, the more annoyed I will become. Similarly, I am not amused by the individuals I have spoken to over the phone about your car. Here are two shinning examples:

1. The man named “John” who couldn’t understand why I would list my number on an ad if I didn’t want people to call it. All of my attempts to explain to John that I didn’t list my number on the ad – that it must be a mistake or typo – went nowhere. I also couldn’t convince John to tell me where he saw your ad on the internet. According to John, I should know where I posted my own ad. He also implied that I wouldn’t sell him the car because he was black. Yes, John. That’s right. I won’t sell you a car I know nothing about because you are black. Awesome.



2. The creepy guy who told me that he lived nearby, and asked if I was keeping the Lexus at my house. Apparently, he had entered my phone number into the Reverse Phone Directory and Google supplied him with my name, address and a map to my house. Mr. Creepy just wanted to, “Swing by to take a look, if that was okay.” Uhmmmm, no. It’s not. I don’t own a Lexus, and never have. The ad you saw listed online listed my number by mistake.

Luckily, Mr. Creepy seemed to take this news very well, and thanked me for my time. If I go missing or am founded murdered any time soon, though, please tell the cops to check my phone records.

In hindsight, I realize that I should have asked Mr. Creepy where he saw the ad. I was just so thrown off by his knowing my name and address that it didn’t occur to me until after we hung up. If any good came from his disturbing phone call, however, it was that I have now requested that Google remove my name, number and address from the Reverse Phone Directory as soon as possible. If I knew who you were or how to reach you, I’d strongly recommend that you enter your phone number into the site and do the same.

Again, I have a small stick with whatever-your-name-is on it…

So, now I am at the mental intersection of “I WANT TO FIND THE AD SO I CAN GET MY NUMBER REMOVED FROM IT” and “I NEVER WANT TO ANSWER MY PHONE AGAIN”. This is not where I expected to be today, and I blame you.

In other words: I hate you and I am not amused.

Sincerely,
Deals On Wheels