I might be surrounded by a$$holes...

This blog may be quickly on its way to becoming a place to post stories about what NOT to say to pregnant ladies.

It might be just me. Or maybe this is a phenomenon that all pregnant women have to deal with. Either way, it is frustrating and I would much rather spend my days not panicking and/or sobbing about things I cannot control. Especially when you consider that Trevor (endearingly? lovingly?) refers to me as a “catastrophist”. So, really? Why tell the person that consistently plans for the worst about all the horrible, little possibilities that she hadn’t even thought of? Obviously, you must hate me. Or I wronged you in another life. Either way, I am sorry. Now, please leave me alone.

Here are some of the “gems” from the last couple of weeks:

1. On Sushi: At my very first pregnancy confirmation appointment back in early April, Trevor and I asked about dietary restrictions. And, other than my doctor wanting to limit my caffeine intake, there were none. So, up until the beginning of May or so (when the news of my knocked up status first started to leak to close friends and family), I continued to eat things like sushi without batting an eyelash.
   
   That is, until I mentioned to a friend that I was seriously craving a spicy salmon roll and all hell broke loose.
   
   Friend: “You can’t eat sushi! Do you want to blind your baby?”
   
   Me: “!!!”
   
   OMG! I had no idea!
   
   I spent the next week CONVINCED that I had inadvertently blinded my unborn child and chastising myself for being so stupid. When my next doctor’s appointment finally rolled around, I almost started crying as I recounted the two or three times since conception that I had consumed raw salmon. And you know what my doctor did? He LAUGHED at me.
   
   Apparently, eating raw or undercooked fish can expose The Fetus to a specific kind of bacteria that may result in blindness. But the chances are very (very) small. And, as my doctor pointed out, the Japanese have been eating sushi for centuries and the prevalence of low vision and blindness in Japan is one of the lowest in the world.
   
   Because I am STILL a catastrophist, I am avoiding eating raw fish for the duration of my pregnancy. That said, I am still indulging in “sushi”. I am just opting for things like California or shrimp tempura rolls (which are cooked even if served cold) or veggie options like cucumber and avocado rolls. "Sushi" enough to satisfy my craving without the risk of rendering my child sightless.




2. On Unpasteurized Dairy: Again, my doctor gave me no food restrictions. And, just like with sushi, I had no idea that unpasteurized dairy was potentially risky until another friend spoke up:
   
   Me: “I am so craving some brie and crackers right now!”
   
   Friend: “NO! You can’t eat brie! It is unpasteurized! You will KILL your baby!”
   
   Don’t even get me started on the internal hysteria that THAT statement caused.
   
   My doctor’s response to unpasteurized dairy was similar to the sushi one. Mainly, pasteurized dairy wasn’t even available until the late 1800s. And, even then, it wasn’t a widely used or practiced. Yet, women (shocker!) still had healthy babies.
   
   Furthermore, the bacteria (Listeria) that you risk being exposed to if you consume unpasteurized dairy can also be found in a whole host of other foods including meats, veggies and berries. Quite frankly, to be completely safe, I should avoid eating (and drinking) almost everything. Nothing is 100% void of risk. And avoiding everything just doesn’t seem very practical.
   
   Since The Fetus really seems to WANT cheeses like brie and feta, I’ve decided to continue to indulge in them. Granted, when possible, I am checking to make sure they are pasteurized before consuming, but I am not worrying myself over it if I cannot confirm it one way or another. The cravings are just winning this round.




3. On Water: I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I’ve been told to avoid tap water at all costs, but also to steer clear of water stored/sold in plastic bottles, the chemicals found in water filtration systems (like Brita) and bottled water from naturally occurring streams or springs. I NEED WATER TO LIVE, PEOPLE! I HAVE TO GET IT FROM SOMEWHERE!




4. On Exercise: Up until my first prenatal visit, I was running five to seven miles three or four times a week. I was also lifting weights two or three a week (on average). Thanks to my history of bad veins, I am no longer allowed to run or do any high impact activity (Doctor’s orders!). I am also supposed to avoid free weights or anything that requires a spotter. I can still use weight machines and whatnot to keep up my strength.
   
   This, of course, does not mean I have ceased to be active. I am still doing cardio (elliptical, stair master, stationary bike, walking on the treadmill, etc.) and lifting weights. Granted the intensity has gone down, and I am only making it into the gym two or three times a week nowadays. This, however, has more to do with my inability to deal with the insane summer heat in Texas this year and my continued bouts with dizziness and vertigo than anything else.
   
   Shockingly, it is NOT helpful to hear about how my continued activity is harming the baby. I even had one person who suggested that doing cardio was equivalent to SHAKING the The Fetus.
   
   Then there are the people who have told me that lifting weights will cause irreparable damage or that exercising in the first place is interfering with my baby's ability to develop normally. I can't tell you the number of stories I've heard where people have surmised that because a pregnant mother worked out, ran, lifted weights, etc. her baby was born early, small, deformed, stillborn, etc.
   
   Then, on the flip side, I've been told that stopping running was the worst thing I could have done. Maybe if I had ceased to run gradually, but running one day and quitting the next will (apparently) cause my baby lifelong problems. Never mind, that I was following the advice of my doctor or that I have a well documented medical history of bad veins and incompetent values.
   
   Seriously. I can't win.




5. On Gestational Diabetes: I was told that I should look to my mother for a clue as to what my baby's birth weight might be. My mother (bless her) had large babies. I was the smallest at 7 pounds 13 ounces (and I was early!). My brother was nearly 10 pounds. Theoretically, this suggests that my children will also be on the bigger side as well.
   
   And, as a side note, neither my mother nor mother in law had difficult pregnancies, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, etc. While this hardly means I am immune to having problems, it increases my chances of also having an relatively uneventful nine months. So, let me cling that that hope, because - again - I am a worrier. Do NOT say things like:
   
   "Well, if your mother had big babies, I bet she had gestational diabetes and just didn't know it. They didn't screen for it back then like they do nowadays. Which means you probably have it, too. In fact, you should start monitoring your diet and blood insulin levels now so you can do something about it when they start to snowball out of control."
   
   Why, why, why?!




6. On Working Before and After Baby: Yes, I plan to work up until the time I deliver. I also plan to return to work after twelve weeks of maternity leave.
   
   No, I do not need to hear all the reasons why you think this is selfish and/or how this will adversely effect my child's development. And, no, I see nothing wrong with hiring nannies or daycare.




7. On Artificial Sweeteners: I actually gave up soda (diet or otherwise) several years ago. And once I found out I was pregnant I stopped putting things like Splenda in my iced tea. I do, however, on occasion still take a sip or two of Trevor's Coke Zero and chew sugar free gum. PLEASE STOP JUDGING ME!




8. On "To Show or Not to Show": Shockingly, I have absolutely no control over this and I don't need to hear about how big YOU think I should be by now. I don't know why I'm not showing yet, but my doctor seems to think everything is going okay. Why do you think I need to hear about all the things that might be wrong because I am not yet showing? Why can't I just not be showing yet because I am torso tall? And Lord help me if anyone else suggests that the reason I'm not showing is because I'm too big, wide, fat or whatever.
   
   (So, yeah. This might be a touchy subject.)




9. On Boobs: Yes, my boobs are huge. Yes, I've noticed.
   
   Please note that I've always been...endowed. So, bigger boobs is more of an annoyance than anything else. It is like a completely unnecessary boob job. I am starting to feel like a porn star or something. And, for the record, my eyes are up here. Thanks.




10. On Genetic Screening: While I am all about a woman's right to choose, I do not think I could ever personally terminate a pregnancy unless I knew for sure that the baby would not survive the nine month gestational period. And, even then, it wouldn't be an easy decision for me to make.
    
    That said, I would like to know if there is anything wrong with the baby and I am not opposed to screening. This is mainly because certain genetic disorders may run in my family, and I think it would be beneficial for the doctor's to know about them ahead of time IF one of them happens to pop up. For example, my brother was born with kidney disease. It went undiagnosed for two years. By the time it was discovered, one kidney was beyond saving and the other was close to failing. Luckily, surgery to remove the bad kidney was successful, and his other kidney recovered. But imagine if they had caught it early? Maybe my brother would not have had to have major surgery at the tender age of two? Who knows.
    
    The only thing that gives me pause is that there can be a lot of false markers for problems. So you end up worrying needlessly for five months about something that isn't even an issue. And, again, I am a catastrophist.
    
    But one thing I never really thought of as being a problem was something like Down Syndrome. Maybe it is because I have a minor in Special Education. Maybe it is because I spent a lot of time working with children with Down. Or maybe it is because I've seen kids with Down go on to do amazing things despite their disability. I just don't see a diagnosis of Down Syndrome as devastating. Sure, it would be hard to know that your child would have a difficult road ahead of them. That nothing in life would be as easy for them as if they had been born without Down Syndrome. And, sure, you'd worry about all the people that would "other" your child, bully or ostracize them because they are different. But none of that would make me want to terminate a pregnancy, much less love the child any less.
    
    Again, the only thing that gives me pause when it comes to the screening is the risk of false markers. And because the risk of false markers is so high, I've been asking people's advice on whether or not it is even worth doing.
    
    This was the reaction of a family member:
    
    "Well, if the screening shows something like Down Syndrome, you should just get rid of it. You don't want to be the mother of 'the freaky kid'. And if you have other children, they will resent you for making them the siblings of 'the freaky kid'. And something like Down Syndrome will ruin your marriage, and completely drive a wedge between you and Trevor. You will end up getting divorced, and maybe committing suicide. Believe me. I've seen it happen. Plus, people will pity you if you have a kid like that. Do you really want to be pitied for the rest of your life?"
    
    Because nothing makes the notion of hypothetically bringing a child with a disability into the world easier than knowing that your own family might not accept or love it.
    
    Of course, I haven't had any screening done (yet), and there is no reason to believe that anything is wrong or even potentially wrong. But still. This might be number one on the list of things THIS pregnant woman does not need to hear.

I swear, it will be a miracle if I make it through this pregnancy without a head full of gray white hair.

Note: Trevor wants me to say something to let the internet world know that not everyone is against me. It is true. Most people are supportive and genuinely happy for us. I don't pretend to understand why 10% of negative comments can drown out 90% of the positive ones. Maybe all the hormones just have me a little more sensitive than usual? Or maybe my inner catastrophist just fixates on the bad instead of the good? Either way, I feel the need to document it so at some point I can try to gain some perspective from all of this.

Oh, and Trevor wanted me to make it absolutely clear that he finds nothing wrong with the whole boob thing. If you are him, life just keeps getting better.