Because I am behind. Again.

First of all, let me apologize for all the back posts recently. I've been a mite overwhelmed; mainly because I started back to work last week. Granted, it is only part time (until April 16th), but it is quite the adjustment nevertheless. It isn't like I was getting oodles and oodles of sleep BEFORE returning to work, but now I seem to be getting even less. And then there is the constant worrying. I laugh when I think that I used to consider myself to be a worrier BEFORE the baby. Obviously, I didn't know what worrying really was back then.

And it is starting to affect my sleep. Last night I woke up convinced that I had forgotten to give Banner his medicine. But I didn't. Mainly because Banner isn't on any medication. It was all a dream. Gypsy IS on meds (shocker, right?!), but I had remembered to administer her pills before turning in for the night. Thank goodness Trevor was there to talk to half awake/still dreaming me. Otherwise I am sure I would have spent the next hour searching for nonexistent medication. And that is simply no bueno.

Oh, and I've started crying again. And the number of white hairs on my head seems to be multiplying by the hour. I am totally bringing sexy back JT style. Trevor is one lucky dude.

Anyway, if I am ever going to get this post up, it is going to have to be in bullet point form. Segues are beyond me:

• Why am I getting less sleep than before? Well, let me tell you! Babies need a lot of crap stuff when they go off to daycare. Ours requires a crib sheet, five extra outfits, bottles, milk, diapers, wipes...well, you get the idea. I do my best to get Banner all packed for "school" the night before. I sterilize his bottles and pour expressed milk into three of them for his meals during the day, replace dirty outfits, bibs, etc. with clean ones in the diaper bag, etc. All this takes forever for reasons I don't quite understand. Maybe I'm just bad at it? I dunno. But after I finish, I still have to pump for Banner's "emergency overnight bottle". He rarely needs it, but I still have milk ready to go just in case he wakes up between 10:30 PM and 6 AM.
  
  After I pump, I shower and get ready for bed. Somehow I never seem to crawl into bed until after midnight regardless of what time I started heading that way.
  
  Sometime between 2 and 4 AM, I wake up in agony because my boobs are full again. I've tried to go back to sleep because Banner doesn't need this milk in the middle of the night, but I can't because I am so uncomfortable. Plus, it makes it easy for Trevor (who feeds Banner when he gets up in the morning) because a bottle is already ready to go. If I dropped this overnight pumping session, it wouldn't be a big deal. Trevor would just have to heat up a bottle instead of one being ready made, but - again - sleep is hard when your boobs are roughly the size of watermelons and rock hard.
  
  It usually takes me awhile to fall back to sleep after I pump, and when I finally do, Trevor is just about to wake up himself. I've always been a light sleeper, so it isn't possible for me to sleep through his morning routine.
  
  Before I returned to work, I was able to go back to sleep after Trevor left for the day, because Banner generally slept until 9 or 9:30 AM. But now I have to either get up at 7 AM (if Trevor is taking Banner to daycare) or 6:30 (if I am). I am not used to it taking me 2 or 2.5 hours to get to work in the morning, but the entire time I am rushing around like a mad woman sterilizing bottles, pumping, getting myself and/or the baby dressed and ready to go. And don't forget about the dogs! I can't believe how quickly the minutes disappear in the morning. Some days I arrive right on time and others (like today when I took Banner to daycare) I was ten minutes late. I am exhausted before I even get to the office, and it probably doesn't help that the longest stretch of uninterrupted sleep I got the night before was (at best) two to four hours.



• I sobbed like a baby when I dropped Banner off at daycare for the first time. Actually, I started crying days before in anticipation of having to leave him. And then the tears continued after I dropped him off and every day since.
  
  Meanwhile, Banner doesn't seem to be phased by the daycare thing at all. Figures.



• Banner has gotten exceptionally adorable in the past several weeks (not that I am biased or anything). He smiles all the time and is cooing up a storm. I joke that he is working on his vowels because all his little noises are of the eh, ee, ah, oh and ooh variety.



• My worst fear was nearly realized last Monday when a thunderstorm knocked out our power. For nearly three hours (until the power was restored) I was in an absolute panic about my frozen milk supply. I even reported the outage to Oncor and told them about my frozen breast milk in the hopes that they would make my neighborhood a priority. I am pretty sure the person I was speaking to had to work hard to keep from laughing in my face. In my defense, though, I worked HARD for that liquid gold stored up in the freezer and it isn't like you can just go out and buy some more!



• I love that Banner recognizes me by sight now (instead of just by smell). When I pick him up at daycare he gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees me. Melts my heart.



• I joke that Banner thinks my name is Lunch. When he is really, really hungry and someone else is holding him, he follows me with his eyes and "Waaas" at me. And he all but goes ballistic if I leave the room. He turns to the person who is holding him, turns bright red and starts SCREAMING as if to say, "You let Lunch get away! You should have tied Lunch down! Now I am going to s-s-s-s-starve!"
  
  Once I reappear, though, he calms down immediately. Because, crisis averted, Lunch has been found.



• Ever since he was a few days old, Banner signals to us that he is hungry by attacking his hands with his mouth. He will look at us, attack his hands (which makes a bunch of smacking sounds) and then look back at us as if to say, "Hungry. Now." Who needs baby sign language when you have a baby that makes his needs crystal clear?!



• I think there is a biological reason why leaving Banner at daycare is so difficult for me. It is like I just can't relax when I am away from him, and the best part of my day is when it is time to pick him up again. It is absolute heaven when I finally get the little guy back in my arms. It is like every cell in my body breathes a collective sigh of relief. By the time I get Banner back home and fed, I am physically exhausted. Missing him so much all day is very taxing.



• I have this sign on my office door:
  
  
  To be fair, I didn't feel comfortable emailing the staff and telling them not to open my door if it was closed during the day (it doesn't lock). And I knew having a sign on my door that just said "Do Not Disturb" would be disconcerting to my coworkers who would wonder what was going on in there (doors aren't often closed around here). So, I chose to make light of the situation and refer to myself as a cow. Everyone gets the reference and it has cut down on the awkwardness of pumping at work. Now if Nora would just stop mooing at my door...



• Speaking of pumping at work, I no longer find THIS amusing. Because it is me at work now. Except I don't talk on the phone except to my female coworkers. I find typing on the computer and answering emails is a fabulous way to pass the time.



• For whatever reason, a bunch of people have told me lately that what happened to me during labor and delivery was the same as Bella Swan from Twilight. I am assuming they are referencing the placental abruption and not the whole baby-clawing/chewing-its-way-out-and-turning-its-mother-into-a-vampire bit, but you never know.



• Banner's daycare provides the parents with a weekly schedule of the class' planned indoor and outdoor activities. Last week, Monday's outdoor activity was "Watch the Squirrels". Tuesday's was "Feel the Wind". Yesterday, they went outside and then discussed what they saw. I am guessing the discussion was a little one-sided in a room of babies up to one year old, but I could be wrong.



• My sister thinks it is horrible that Banner has a sticker on his crib at daycare that reads, "I am NOT rolling over yet". To her, they should be focusing on Banner's strengths instead of on his weaknesses. As if they are shaming her nephew by letting everyone know his limitations.



• We are starting to recognize the other babies in Banner's class. There is little John (the Graduate), Michael (who is a speed crawler), Oliver (who is always in a bad mood), Caroline (who hangs in the crib next to Banner) and Kyle (The Cross Dresser). Mimi nicknamed Kyle because she saw a baby with a man's name wearing pink pants on Banner's first day of "school" and assumed it was a little boy that was forced to wear hand-me-downs from his older sister. Turns out, Kyle is a little girl. Oops.



• I've been back in my pre-pregnancy pants for weeks and weeks now, but I am still wearing maternity tops because my boobs are ginormous. Problem is that all my maternity tops are in fall colors and it is spring. But the idea of having to shop in a maternity store when I am not pregnant makes me depressed. However, just buying shirts in a larger size from a regular store isn't ideal because they are way too big in the waist. Plus, maternity tops are stretchy and easier to pump/nurse in while wearing. So, obviously, I just need to bite the bullet and buy a few more maternity tops to get me through the spring. Either that or stop nursing. But with the cost of daycare being ridiculous, I'm planning on pumping as long as I can. After all, breast milk is free. Formula is not. And, well, I am cheap.



• Just less than one week after Banner started daycare, he came down with his first cough/cold on Sunday night. It was inevitable. Especially after he spent most of his first week being hacked on by Caroline in the crib next door. It started out as a dry cough, but has now gotten a little juicier. The pediatrician says it is viral and just has to run its course. The good news is that Banner doesn’t seem to feel bad, has no fever, smiles all the time and is still downing his bottles like a champ. The bad news is that his stomach flap isn’t fully developed, so sometimes if he has a coughing fit after eating he throws up. Poor baby. I hope he gets better soon. Nothing like a sick baby to make momma feel completely inadequate!



• The worst part about daycare (other than Banner getting sick) is that I haven’t been able to nurse my baby since he began. He is eating more (+/- 7 ounces a feeding), and my boobs seem to think it is a race to get the milk out as quickly as possible. Seriously, I can get 11-14 ounces in less than 10 minutes. Because of this, it has gotten more and more difficult for Banner to nurse comfortably. It shoots out with such force, that the little guy is always choking and spitting up. Throw in the cough he has now (which occasionally makes him lose the contents of his stomach) and I haven’t attempted to nurse him in days. I am terrified he is going to forget how or refuse the boob once he finally starts feeling better. I know it doesn’t really matter since the milk is still coming from me, but I hate to think that the bonding-while-nursing phase might be coming to an end.
  
  Sniff.

And now I am going to abruptly end this post and go to bed. If I hurry, my head just might hit the pillow before midnight.