"Nothing spoils a party like a genius."
- Elsa Maxwell
While getting dressed for work this morning, I overheard the following conversation:
Chase: “Jane! Get the kids into the car! Do you want them to get frostbite and die?”
Jane: “I’m trying!”
Chase comes outside, cigarette in hand, and watches Jane trying to maneuver Jet and Savannah into the backseat. Not bothering to help her or close the back door to the house (which is wide open), he jumps into the driver’s seat, turns on the car and starts violently pumping the gas while the car is in park. The car dies.
Jane: “What’s wrong with the car?”
Chase: “Jane! Are you stupid? It is seventeen BELOW zero out here! Nothing works when it is this cold!”
Jane: “Oh. I didn’t realize it was THAT cold. Wonder how your mother got her car to work this morning?”
Chase: “She had to wait for her car to warm up. It can take hours. She – like me – knew it was going to be cold today. We watched the weather last night.”
Jane: “No you didn’t. You were with me.”
Chase: “Well, it is COLD out here, isn’t it?! Doesn’t take an idiot to know that it is almost twenty below zero outside!”
Of course, it was really only in the mid twenties this morning. Cold? Yes. But not seventeen below zero. Maybe in Montana or North Dakota, but not Dallas.
Finally, after swearing and banging on the car for 20 minutes, Chase gave up and went inside. The last thing I heard him yell before slamming the backdoor was, “Jane! Did you turn off the f**kin’ heat? It’s freezing in here!”
Maybe if you didn’t leave the backdoor wide open for half an hour, the heat would still be INSIDE your house. But what do I know?
My neighbors drive me crazy.
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