I am currently driving a rental car while the hail damage on my hood, roof and tail gate is repaired from last month's freak east Dallas storm. I usually cruise around town in a small SUV, and my insurance covers a rental of a similar sized vehicle. This (sort of) explains how I qualified to rent an Escalade. Something that the ladies at Enterprise found to be tremendously exciting. Because very few people get to rent that car. In fact, had I taken it, I would have been only the second person EVER to drive it.
Y'all, I couldn't handle the pressure.
The Enterprise ladies did everything in their power to convince me to rent it. Apparently, it was fully loaded, and had features inside that I've only ever dreamed about.
Enterprise Lady 1: "It is seriously the most fabulous car I've ever sat in."
Enterprise Lady 2: "Complete luxury."
Enterprise Lady 1: "You name it, it has it. Flat panel TVs, heated and cooled seats. The interior is a work of art."
Enterprise Lady 2: "It is absolutely fabulous. I dream about it. Seriously."
Me: "Don't get me wrong, it sounds great. I'm just not really sure I need all of that stuff."
Enterprise Lady 1: "Well, don't you have kids? You need that extra room!"
Me: "I have a baby..."
Enterprise Lady 1: "I'd bet he'd LOVE that flat panel TV in the back."
Me: "Except he is only 30 weeks old, and has to ride around town facing backwards in his car seat."
Enterprise Lady 1: "Oh. Well, the Escalade really isn't that much bigger than your Envoy. It is the smaller version. It is the closest thing we have to what you drive normally. Plus, your insurance covers it. I mean, why not?"
Me: "The only reason I'd need a larger car is if one of our dogs got sick and needed to go to the vet..."
Enterprise Lady 1: "Dogs aren’t allowed in our cars."
Me: "Right. So there is absolutely no reason why I need such a big car to go to and from work and day care for the next week or two."
Enterprise Lady 2: "But it is an ES.CAL.ADE."
Enterprise Lady 1: "I can’t believe this. Are you really saying you don’t want the it?"
Me: "Yeah, I think I would rather save some money on gas."
Enterprise Lady 2: "Wow. That's a first."
Some how I still managed to land in a brand new, fully loaded Chrysler 300. The thing has more bells and whistles than I've ever seen. It took me 10 minutes to turn on the freaking radio Tuesday morning. Kid you not. And don't even get me started on trying to put fuel in it last night. It took me 20 minutes to find the button to open up the gas tank. I opened the trunk twice by mistake, and was asked by another motorist if I needed help after he overheard me swearing at the car while frantically looking for an owner's manual and hitting buttons on and around the dash at random. It wasn't pretty. And the 106 degree temps weren't helping matters either. I am fairly sure I looked like a crazed lunatic. Even the lady that reeked of alcohol and was asking for money from other gas station patrons for cigarettes in the parking lot left me alone. I saw her stumble in my direction, shake her head, turn around and walk away. I looked THAT bad.
Sometimes it takes driving something new and spiffy to make you appreciate the simplicity and familiarity of the good ole’ tried and true.
Plus, the thing is white. I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but I LOATHE white cars. Don't ask me why. I just feel very strongly that cars shouldn't be white. Drives me crazy for whatever nonsensical reason. Which, of course, means that Trevor thinks it is hysterical that I'm sporting around town in one for the foreseeable future.
On the bright side, the Chrysler handles better than my last rental. Of course, I didn't feel the need to get the extra $15 a day insurance with the Vibe. The Chrysler, on the other hand, is just too new, perfect and sparkly, and is just begging for something to happen to it. I can sleep better at night knowing I have bumper-to-bumper coverage, and can simply walk away from any accidental dents, scratches or dings. Because, let's face it: I don't have the best of luck. Which sort of explains why I found myself traveling behind a gravel truck on Central Expressway this morning. Rest assured: nothing happened. Still, OMG.